My friend left a loving marriage after 12 years, and it saddens me.

Nandemodekiru · 2020-07-20T21:57:59+00:00

“Never down for sexy time” = his likely rejection of her and her body. The dead bedroom sub goes more in depth with this (and there are a LOT of female posters) but if sex and physical touch are your particular love languages, lack of such can leave one feeling unloved, undesired, unwanted, depressed, disgusting, etc. This is downright dehumanizing and painful, and she probably didn’t tell you about how long this has been going on (likely for years). It doesn’t matter if everything else was “perfect” when her partner didn’t want to engage in physical intimacy with her. One can only take rejection so much before they can’t do it anymore, regardless of anything else.

Hammocknapping · 2020-07-20T21:33:24+00:00

Would you tell a man that a total lack of intimacy in a marriage was a bad reason to divorce his wife?

hallie89 · 2020-07-21T01:03:24+00:00

This is why I left my marriage. Over the years I ended up with a business partner and coparent. He showed zero affection and sex was non-existent. I felt so unloved and unwanted and despite numerous discussions and marriage counselling, nothing worked. Those who knew my husband would say he was lovely and kind and a great guy, which he was, but he just wasn’t a romantic partner to me. As a woman whose friends actually complained how much their partners wanted them, it was heartbreaking and I felt hideous and unwanted (I’m in good shape and objectively would say I am attractive so I didn’t ‘let myself go’). I didn’t want my daughter to grow up thinking it was normal to be unaffectionate. Since being alone I have felt so much better as it was worse being around someone who didn’t want me. I’ve also found a partner who is very affectionate, and it has made the world of difference to me as touch is my love language. Sex isn’t a big deal until you have it held against you as a weapon and taken away.

cast-away-ramadi06 · 2020-07-20T23:01:10+00:00

Clearly I'm in the minority here, but I think this is a ridiculous reason to leave a good marriage. If she was that overweight, maybe that's why he wasn't eager to see her naked. Maybe he needed hormone therapy. Maybe they needed a romantic getaway. Maybe she needed a vibrator and some dirty girl novels and acceptance that appetities change over time. Marriage is more than sex and it sounds like this one was a lot more than sex.

It's not that sex isn't important in marriage. It is... but it's also a vetting strategy to make sure you have similar drives or that you're with someone who's open to receiving treatment for issues like these. If it was a big enough reason to leave a good marriage, it was a big enough reason to avoid that marriage in the first place. He'll likely find someone who appreciates him now and either realize he likes sex, when he's attracted, or realize there are women with the same drive.

UnDefinedLegacy · 2020-07-20T22:19:30+00:00

Lack of intimacy is incredibly painful and most likely was going on for years.

2020-07-21T01:50:32+00:00

Everyone is different, but I think it's normal to be devastated if your partner doesnt want to have sex with you! I know I'd be miserable. I assume that your friend had been dealing with a sexless marriage for some time before she divorced. Who knows -- maybe that's why she gained all that weight in the first place.

MotznRoth · 2020-07-20T21:49:07+00:00

[deleted]

pearlsandstilettos · 2020-07-21T01:55:39+00:00

We do not give advice on behalf of others. I understand that you are not specifically asking advice but we cannot know what has happened in someone else's marriage so a discussion around the topic is a lot of guesswork and gossiping.

Nachotype13 · 2020-07-21T01:36:08+00:00

If you liked him so much why don’t you have “sexy time” with the ex then? Lol jokes aside why don’t you mind your business. There’s likely a lot of problems behind their “perfect” facade. You should’ve just been happy for her since she’s happy now instead of ranting on Reddit. Stay out of peoples private lives.

Title	My friend left a loving marriage after 12 years, and it saddens me.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	2
Comments	24
Date	July 20, 2020 9:29 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/huu7up/my_friend_left_a_loving_marriage_after_12_years/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/my-friend-left-a-loving-marriage-after-12-years.716046 https://theredarchive.com/post/716046

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