Hi ladies, I have to write this out for my own sanity!

So before I was a part of this sub, I learned from my first psychotic LVM ex a couple years back what it really meant to feel disrespected and treated poorly. I let him get away with so sooo much shit from FORCING me to send nudes to him to finding ways to be angry at me when I was doing him a favor he asked for. He was an incredibly toxic person, my first boyfriend, and an eye-opening terrible experience. Fortunately, I have a very healthy self-esteem (molded by my awesome mom!) and realized that I was omitting a lot of the details in my relationship when I spoke about him to my mother. It was a flashing lightbulb moment when I felt this vulnerable sadness just thinking about how disappointed, sad, and angry my mother would feel if she REALLY knew how this guy was treating me. That feeling alone kicked him out of my life after dating him for 6 months (it could have been a lot worse) because I love my mom too much to allow anyone to pain her by mistreating me!

Fast forward to last week. I was with my now ex-boyfriend of 10 months when I decided to accompany him to the voting booth as a way to show my support of him voting. The line was long and it took about two hours before he was able to vote! During that time the sun had set and I was in workout gear so I was very cold from just standing around. We had decided to walk there from his apartment maybe half a mile, but while we were walking back, we came upon a busy intersection. He wanted to jaywalk across the street to which I refused because I didn’t feel safe. He shrugged his shoulders and DITCHED ME holding up a car or two walking across. When I caught up to him, I was noticeably mad. Guess what? We came to another even BUSIER intersection and again he decides to jaywalk and hold up a few cars and again I didn’t feel safe crossing the street like that so he DITCHED ME TWICE, IN THE DARK, IN A BUSY CITY. I confronted him about it and he just word vomit all over me because he had no excuse, trying to say it was my fault and I chose to ditch him. HAHAHAHAHAHHA! What a weak attempt at gaslighting. But that same feeling I had with my long ago ex came flooding back to me. How it would pain my mother so much to know I was with some scrote who had absolutely 0 fucks about ditching me in public and actively endangered my life. I normally drive my car everywhere because as a woman, I do not feel safe walking alone. So we got back to his apartment, I stayed the night still fuming (because of bad traffic), and in the morning I packed all my shit and said, “I won’t be with someone who gives zero fucks about my safety,” and left his life. He has since drunk texted me an apology, which I promptly rejected because I deserve a real one sober and at least in the form of a phone call, not some lame text. He asked me to come watch a movie with him tonight LOL??? 😂 dafuq? the delusion, and I said no.

I’ve been hitting the gym and hanging out with my queens and truth be told, there is no hole in my heart which I found absolutely surprising at first. But, when someone shows you their AUDACITY, it’s really hard to grieve or miss anything about them! Boy, bye. 👋🏻