Have any of you guys done/are going to do single motherhood by choice (smbc)?

2020-11-29T21:55:44+00:00

I'm divorced, and didn't plan it this way, but I don't get family help, and my ex is eight hours away.

I've had two men try to move in, and be incredibly friendly with my two young boys, but I did a lot of personal maturing to get to this point, and I want to do more.

They were nice (enough), but by the time you get to know somebody, they're either in your life, and enmeshed with you OR you're getting a restraining order.

Being alone with kids is only horrible if you're broke.

InevitableHulk · 2020-11-30T00:32:49+00:00

Sort of the same as the comment above me, and not exactly what you’re asking but maybe I can lend some perspective. My kids’ dad died so it wasn’t a by choice thing, but I will tell you it’s so much easier being a parent on my own. It wasn’t by choice when it happened, but it’s certainly by choice now as I refuse to have any man involved with raising my kids. If I were broke, it might be hard.

A couple things you may have to put up with:

the stigma surrounding single moms, that we’re always looking for men to ensnare to help us with our perceived plight, to move in and go halfsies on our bills and help raise our kids (I personally never want to be married again, let alone live with someone).
men thinking they’re going to just swoop in and take over because you need a man of the house
if you have any kind of money and don’t need to work two jobs (or any job, in my case), a lot of men will assume you’re a “welfare mom.” I mean zero disrespect to any woman who needs financial help, it just chaps my hide that this is a go-to assumption for a lot of men.

So much more (like asking if your kids are all from the same father 🙄)but really you don’t want those men anyway. It’s a minor aggravation. To me, being a secure single mom is very peaceful. Yes, it’s a lot of work sometimes, but it’s enjoyable work and I don’t have a partner not pulling their weight or arguing with the way I raise my kids. I can do what I want with my house.... so much more.

I guess what it boils down to is make sure you have enough money. You may need to outsource from time to time (housekeeping, nanny), but motherhood is pretty enjoyable when you don’t have a LV partner throwing a monkey wrench in the works.

monch-bred · 2020-11-30T06:13:44+00:00

Personally, I believe I’ll eventually want kids but I’m increasingly thinking I’m not going to find anyone worth marrying. So, I think I’ll either freeze my eggs and go the sperm donor route, or adopt. I don’t want the lack of a man to prevent me from doing something I’d like to do (raise a family)

Maude2010 · 2020-11-30T06:45:06+00:00

It was my plan and I arranged my life to be a single mom. I dedicated several years to it but unfortunately didn’t conceive.

ModernDayOracle · 2020-11-30T03:27:22+00:00

I love kids, but being a single mother would ruin me financially, as I live in a very high cost of living country. So I direct my nurturing elsewhere (nieces and nephews, volunteering etc, not manbabies!!!)

unhampered_haha · 2020-11-30T12:27:59+00:00

Yep! Started off as a relationship, but I left after discovering he was a con artist and abuser (took two years to see who he truly was).

It's honestly SO much less work being a single mother than a mother to a baby and LVM. I don't have the burden of cooking for him, cleaning up after him, doing emotional labour, devoting energy or time to a loser. I can just focus on myself and my child.

Currently a SAHM and getting my master's degree - something I never would've been able to afford if I was still supporting his lazy ass.

It is a lot of work, but if you can keep on a schedule (you and baby both), it's totally manageable! It's important to have support as well: trustworthy friends and family to help out in a pinch. Savings are essential, too.

If I choose to have another child one day, I'd choose to do it as a single parent. Men are generally fucking useless with children. Especially with babies.

Chillody · 2020-12-01T15:59:02+00:00

I've started thinking about it. I'm at a point in my life where I'm totally fine if I never get married. But I know I definitely want kids, and I'll get them one way or another. No longer putting that goal in a man's hands.

I want to be mentally healthy and financially stable first, of course.

Title	Have any of you guys done/are going to do single motherhood by choice (smbc)?
Author	foodieneedsfood10
Upvotes	30
Comments	8
Date	November 29, 2020 3:04 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/k31qzz/have_any_of_you_guys_doneare_going_to_do_single/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/have-any-of-you-guys-doneare-going-to-do-single.736419 https://theredarchive.com/post/736419

Comments