BF receives blue pill advice from sisters/friends.. how to deal?

girlwithabike · 2017-11-20T22:08:32+00:00

One of his sisters is even thinking of having children before getting married because..."marriage is expensive..."

My sister did this. I sympathize with your confusion.

She pushes my bf to do certain things ... How do I deal with this?

Have you and your BF had a discussion about his sister? This isn't really your thing to deal with because it's his family. This is true for two reasons. From a RP perspective, you want to look for a man who will lead. It's his family so he should be taking the lead here and this will enable you to see what kind of leader he is. The other reason is this: if you end up married to this man, these will be your in laws. In that case, what you do now will have ramifications for the rest of your life. If you are the one putting your foot down, it could come across poorly which you don't want to live with forever.

You should go to your guy and tell him your thoughts about all of this. Make sure you are on the same page with him. I think it's ok to express to him that he knows you and knows what you want better than his sister does. She may be giving advice unsolicited, but it's also possible that he is seeking out her opinion. Assure him that he's been doing everything right with you (if he has) and that you don't need to move faster or be on FB more or whatever things he's receiving advice on.

If you haven't discussed moving in together already, ask him his opinion and give him yours. Then let him lead. If he's got enough conviction, he shouldn't be swayed by his sister's opinions. If he is, then you have gained some valuable insight into your man.

I feel like saying my family is against it or I'm against it might be like an insult to them since they do it.

People are always going to ask you what is the next step. I bet most married ladies here would tell you that it was very shortly after the wedding when people started asking "So when are you going to get pregnant". The questions that you are being asked sound like they are in a similar vein. To deal with that, you should just come up with a stock answer, something you can say quickly and move on. You can go with something like "oh I'm a traditional gal, I need a ring first" or a more generic "well I hadn't even thought about that this early in our relationship" or jokey "No way I'm moving, I just got my apartment unpacked!". Say it lightly, laugh and move the conversation to another top. If it's not a question, ignore it and let them think what they want to think. Sometimes with questions like that, the best thing to do is smile and laugh (or dare i say, giggle) lightly.

StepfordInTexas · 2017-11-21T03:48:15+00:00

We have an amazing policy in our marriage. “Follow the bloodline”. I deal with my family. He deals with his. I obviously talk things over with my husband on how to handle situations and he asks for my input with his, but otherwise the partner stays out.

RubyWooToo · 2017-11-21T14:06:30+00:00

As far as in-law problems go, this isn't bad at all! It sounds like his sister really likes you and wants her brother to commit to you.

What she does in her own life (like considering children before marriage) is her business and not really your concern.

If your boyfriend knows that you're against co-habitation before marriage, that's all the matters. He can deal with the pressure from his own family.

MxUnicorn · 2017-12-01T06:40:15+00:00

Does you BF take his sisters advice? Because if so, he should definitely be prioritizing you and what you want, not what she thinks. If her marriage is that bad, you could also ask your BF if that's really the kind of relationship he's going for - don't take advice from people with bad relationships, seriously.

FleetingWish · 2017-11-21T01:50:16+00:00

It's not really relevant what his sisters want him to do, what's important is what he wants to do. Is he inclined to agree or disagree with them? Find out what his opinion is and talk to him about it. His sister's opinions aren't important unless they are influencing his in some way. If that's the case talk to him about it, and find out what his concerns are. If not, then it really doesn't matter that they're saying.

Either way, I suspect since you are both red pill, he will have a well reasoned argument for wanting what he does, even if you don't initially agree with him.

assured_destruction · 2017-11-21T02:37:56+00:00

Maybe just take her aside and tell her you're a traditional girl and plan on staying that way, please respect that.

azrael319 · 2017-11-21T02:53:31+00:00

First off you should probably show your man /r/TheRedPill and have his take a read. Secondly, if he's being led so easily by his sister it makes me wonder if he's a man worth staying with. he doesnt seem like captain material to me. I dont even think he qualifies for first mate. if the reason your relationship even started was due to his sister intervening then I really have to make you question if that kind of man is someone you want to be with.

but since your here asking for advice, you should tell him to truth. let him know if you are uncomfortable with his sister controlling your relationship. in my experience I have seen that confident alpha females attract similar men. and if you say that his parents are traditional maybe asking them for advice could also be a solid path to take.

basically understand that if he continues to allow this to go further as is YOU are also letting yourself be controlled.

RubyWooToo · 2017-11-21T02:17:42+00:00

I'm confused; is having children before marriage a bad thing now?

Title	BF receives blue pill advice from sisters/friends.. how to deal?
Author	NewMindRedPill
Upvotes	23
Comments	19
Date	November 20, 2017 9:13 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/7ec8dl/bf_receives_blue_pill_advice_from_sistersfriends/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/bf-receives-blue-pill-advice-from-sistersfriends.73785 https://theredarchive.com/post/73785

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