Handling jealousy from other women

[deleted] · 2017-12-11T15:45:16+00:00

This is based on my personal experience so take it with a grain of salt but I think it's best to continue setting a good example while ignoring negativity. You should tell your fiance about the text and let him handle it how he sees fit. When you see her in person be polite and friendly- pretend she never sent the text and act like nothing happened.

I've never dealt with this to the same extent but I do have two younger BILs who've brought girls around that didn't fit in. They don't like being held to the same standard as other women in the family and lash out when they realize their only options are to shape up or lose their relationship. Thankfully I haven't been targeted directly but my poor step-MIL and SIL (older BILs wife) haven't been so lucky. FWIW the girls who don't last long either cling to them (BILs) and refuse to interact with the women or they act like brats/pick fights in front of everyone. That just isn't going to work in a traditional family.

MetalDevils · 2017-12-13T02:12:19+00:00

You have to stop thinking of this woman as an intelligent adult, because she isn't acting or thinking like one. She is reactive, impulsive, lies, doesn't respect anyone, and refuses to acknowledge the role she plays in creating her own misery.

So what do you do? You think of her as a child. You treat her like a child. What does this mean? It means you don't indulge her when she's being rude or negative. You don't take her seriously, trust her with too many responsibilities.

She's a battle-ax bitch, and defensive women like this abhor ever feeling as though they aren't top dog. This is why she rejects all offers of assistance with such anger and aggression.

Solution: the next time there's a dinner or a party, ask for her help preparing a dish or setting the table. Involve her in the set up process, but just act like she's doing you a favor by lending a hand. Then, at dinner when there's an opportunity, publicly acknowledge her in a positive way. "I just want to thank __ for helping me earlier with __. I was so behind and she helped me catch up." Beam and smile at her.

Then, observe her behavior. See if she offers to help clean up after dinner, or if she's generally nicer. You can also soothe her ego in other ways that cost you nothing. If her hair looks nice or she has a pretty pair of earrings, compliment her, and ask where she bought them. Find neutral ways to engage with her and distract her from being a bitch.

There's no way to know how much of a difference these things will make, or if they will make any difference at all, but it's worth a shot. You could also invite them on a double date. Tell her you'd like to make dinner with her, and spend a night together.

Your guy should definitely talk to his brother about all this too. There's some kind of disconnect, and it's concerning that he is with this kind of woman.

Just remember that she's a child, and she isn't worth worrying about. Everyone knows when she's lying.

Hope this helps!

asteadyheart · 2017-12-11T22:12:43+00:00

Distance and time.

I have a similar situation. While my BIL's wife is not as bad, she was very upset when DH and I got married a few months after they did. They requested we wait to get engaged and married the next year. Of course, they also told everyone that they hate being the center of attention and just want the wedding to go smoothly. It didn't make sense. (We also had a very tiny wedding in a park, with 12 guests total, done in two hours, no engagement party, no bridal shower, etc. Very lowkey and we did not discuss it during their wedding stuff.)

Don't give her any tips or criticism. She is not asking for help, she just wants you to agree that they are being terrible to her. She wants you to feel bad and wants you to see how much better she is than you. Just smile and nod, and if needed just keep it very topical "how's your parents? how is work going?" etc etc.

Keep it polite, keep it friendly, but don't try to make a family bond with her. She isn't engaged and she isn't a wife, so don't try to make a lasting relationship. I'm sure time will tell.

As for her outburst on social media, I find that the older I get, the less I use it. I just have it for work now. I don't share photos, anything about my private life. I updated that I got married months after we got married. Don't let her public tantrum have any stain on you.

Most of all, don't ever fight back. In the end, your clean record and her petty and childish record will be the most telling. She has to live with her past mistakes, and you can live comfortably knowing that you didn't say something you couldn't take back.

WhatIsThisAccountFor · 2017-12-11T19:04:57+00:00

She is emotionally a child. Regardless of what her actual age is, this woman is not an adult. She has no sense of responsibility or self awareness.

Treat her as kindly as you can, but if you want to build a relationship with her I would advise against it until she has an epiphany (if she ever does).

BewareTheOldMan · 2017-12-11T17:40:54+00:00

...saying I have no right to give her advice...

Possible/Recommended Course of Action (P/CoA):

Ignore, avoid, and offer no further advice or additional assistance. She has indicated she neither wants nor needs your help. When people tell me this or indicate desire for negative contact, I gladly oblige. Hell - this woman won't even take advice from the "prospective" mother-in-law.

You have better things to do and failure(s) in her own relationship is her problem. The best anyone can offer is cordial behavior - it's the least a decent person would do and that seems reasonable.

Besides - I suspect whichever man is dating this train wreck of a woman will eventually active the release hatch on this relationship. This toxic situation will undoubtedly reach its eventual conclusion...it always does.

By the way – I wouldn’t even mention the woman at all. The brothers probably have this covered.

BlaueBlumeFreiheit · 2017-12-12T11:54:04+00:00

Not your Circus! why do you care anyway? Do you actively seek strive?

Rivkariver · 2017-12-13T18:41:33+00:00

Jealousy from other women is so hard. Believe me I get it. My general advice is awareness. Don't let anyone tell you you're imagining the envy. That way you are prepared. And warn your guy.

Hartley7 · 2017-12-18T01:44:19+00:00

When you know that you have not been bragging or talking down to someone, rest assured that "You think you're better than me!" is just projection of their insecurities on to you. This fool knows damn well that you are a much better lady than she will ever be and that hurts her.

Keep on being polite and keep your distance. Congrats on the engagement!

[deleted] · 2017-12-11T19:39:12+00:00

Definitely ignore this childish behavior. I'm in the exact same situation. Just be mature and keep your dignity while she acts out and shows her true colors. She won't need your help for others to see how she really is.

2017-12-13T03:34:50+00:00

Oh my god. Nearly the same thing happened to me, minus the job. I’ve been with my SO for nearly a decade and his parents treat me like a daughter, which is lovely.

His brother got a girlfriend a couple of years ago and the difference between how she was treated vs me was hard not to notice. Like at Christmas I’d have a pile of presents from them and they’d give her a single re-gifted basket of lotions. Or they’d exclude her from family events, or they’d not talk to her at all and be familiar with me and very warm and joking. In the beginning, this kind of made me feel sorry for her until I realized what a psycho bitch she was. I felt guilty over having a good relationship with my in laws even though, hello, I was at least 8 years of relationship development ahead of her, so it wasn’t exactly my fault.

But my in laws hated her, for some pretty valid reasons in my opinion, and it really bothered her. She acted really immature, baby-talked and pouted when things didn’t go her way, and lied all the time to everyone. I can’t go into detail since it would take forever, but trust me when I say she was a foul, toxic person.

She wanted to hang out and go Christmas shopping one day, kind of out of the blue since we hadn’t really hung out before then, but I said ok (regret!). She spent the whole time shit-talking my in-laws and even her boyfriend (my brother in law) to me. She tried to get me to choose sides. She asked me why my in laws liked me and to help her get them to like her.

My advice? Don’t give her any advice. In my situation, she even REQUESTED the advice. But she didn’t actually want to hear what I had to say and just got defensive and blew up on me. (My advice was stuff like “try to be more punctual” and “get a job” lol.)

This woman sounds immature and childish and beyond help. She somehow reached adulthood in this state, so trust me, it’s probably too late for her and there’s no way you’re going to be able to cure whatever shit she has going on in her brain.

So don’t give her advice, don’t engage with her craziness, and just hope that eventually your future brother in law will come to his senses. If he doesn’t, well, that might mean he’s just as cuckoo as she is, and in that case all you can really hope for is a cordial yet distant relationship with them for the rest of your life, since having a close relationship with batshit people will only put you and your own marriage under undue stress.

And honestly I edited to add that engaging with her at all will only drag you down to her level and POSSIBLY make it seem like this is a “cat fight” rather than what it really is, which is a normal person reacting to an abnormal persons bullshit. And when you engage with stupid people, it can have a strange effect where it legitimizes what was previously ridiculous. You know what I mean? I regret engaging with this person at all because all it did was bring additional drama to my life and drag me into her mess and down to her level. And I made the HORRIBLE mistake of telling my in laws (who I’m super close to, so what did this woman really expect? Choose her side over the people who practically raised me?) what she said about them, which stirred up a bunch more crap. It was just a shitty situation where I felt stuck in the middle and felt like silence was the same thing as taking her side, and I was definitely not on her side. In hindsight I should’ve just not told them, and stopped talking to her completely. I’m wiser now!

(My brother in law eventually got dumped by the psycho and started seeing a nice girl. The psycho got a new boyfriend immediately after dumping him, got pregnant, got engaged, broke it off with her baby daddy, and started calling my brother in law nonstop wanting him back. Justice served, I guess? Now she’s “used goods” and jobless selling crappy MLM makeup products on Facebook and he’s about to graduate with his MBA. I just feel bad for her poor baby.)

sat_ta · 2017-12-13T11:51:06+00:00

If possible, avoid her and cease all contact (unless necesarry because family meetings). Keep your dignity and outsource any accusations of her to your SO. You have already won the family heart and nothing she does can change that. By taking her invitation to fight, you are only losing ground.

Title	Handling jealousy from other women
Author	Nerkell
Upvotes	11
Comments	17
Date	December 11, 2017 3:17 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/7j2ssb/handling_jealousy_from_other_women/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/handling-jealousy-from-other-women.73906 https://theredarchive.com/post/73906

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