I don't really know how to start this, but I want to thank you all. Thank you for opening my eyes.

I was in, or so I thought, a serious relationship. Nearly two years, living togheter for 9 months. I was serious about him. Went full into that from the start. Made sacrifices, took risks, all for the sake of our future. We were talking about our own place, marriage, kids, potencial jobs, places we want to go or live someday. Every minor disagreement was worked out. We argued a bit but it was all because we cared for each other, that's what he told me. I loved him. I thought he was the one.

Then pandemic hit. We made the decision to start living together. Even though we weren't really ready for this. The place he lived in wasn't his yet. His father kept making plans to move out but didn't follow through in the end. It was quite a... ruin too. Lots of fixing up to do. I had a bit of saved money, he did too. So I moved in with him. Left my job, my family, my friends and essentially all my life behind.

I struggled a lot. I was homesick a lot. Job was awful. Place was awful. The town was awful. It all made me depressed. But I thought it was worth it. It's only temporary I told myself.

I used to work out a bit, go on bike rides, paint and draw. There was no place or time for my usual activities. Every time I took some time for myself, even doing my nails he would complain about how I am wasting OUR time. This would apply for both my new and old pasttimes, AND taking care of myself. Mind you I was doing all house chores by myself, plus working a regular full time job.

I always set my boundaries straight. I told him if he did something I didn't agree with. I let him know if the stuff he did hurt me. That I hate porn. That I'm not his exes that he kept comparing me to. I took the time, effort and work to make things right. But it wasn't working.

All I was left with was work, clean, "perform my duties as a female" then rest. Some web surfing as a break. Then I found this sub. A lot of stuff here resonated with me. I started thinking... thinking long and hard...

I stopped waking him up on his days off. And making him breakfasts. He kept waking up at 1-3pm, complain that it's my fault, then ask for breakfast as I am preparing dinner. Spent the rest of the day scrolling facebook, looking at porn when he thought I'm not looking, complain that I don't want to spend time with him, play online with his buddies till 4am while I was sleeping alone. It all went downhill fast.

He was malicious, demanding, misogynistic, spiteful. Pornsick. He told me a lot of awful things. Made me think I'm not worthy of love. I gained a lot of weight. I was so miserable.

There was three things that made me think, fuck it all:

One: He showed me PORN, literal PORN and said, look, she looks like your little sister! I was so MAD. He didn't saw anything wrong with that.

Two: He blamed me for being too sensitive while his mother and grandmother were so mean to me that it made me cry.

Three: He said to me that I don't deserve his affection.

After the last one I cried so hard I bled from the nose for three days. Didn't ate. Barely slept. Couldn't focus. I talked a lot with wonderful women at my work. With my boss who was so supporting and caring. I said goodbye, broke my contract. Went to our flat, downed a bit of whisky I had left and started packing up. He woke up at 3pm (I think he wasn't sleeping just didn't want to talk with me) and was SURPRISED. He was treating me like shit for past 3 months, giving me the silent treatment the last week. And he was shocked I had enough.

The thing that made me cry the most was hearing from my sister how she saw how unhappy I was. But she knew I had to realize this myself to move on. It's been nearly a week. I'm back at home with people that truly care for me. I'm back to my diet, my workouts, my art. Excited about the stuff I planned for myself, things I'm gonna learn.

There is so SO many things now that I see was wrong with him. How he kept pushing me into threesomes, or selling nudes for example. I always said a hard NO, he followed with it's just a joke. He was sick.

I'm not sad. I'm angry. Men are trash.