Week 2: Secrets of Fascinating Womanhood (book club)

somedayimight · 2018-01-03T11:56:19+00:00

I had a similar experience in that it made me realize perhaps I'm not as great a partner as I thought.

After reading the chapter, I actually went to him and told him some of the things I admire about him. It felt pretty unnatural and he seemed embarrassed to hear it, but he's been more affectionate ever since so I think he really heard me.

I always assume he knows what I think of him, and it feels awkward to say it out loud. But that is no excuse! I intend to continue having these awkward conversations until they no longer feel unnatural 😁

AcroGiraffe · 2018-01-03T19:29:27+00:00

Evidently, I’m not alone in having some unpleasant realizations about how good- errrr not so good- of a partner I am. I thought I was doing okay until I read the list of things that wound a man’s pride and realized that I do almost all of them. Yikes! I’ve been working on it, but it’s been harder than I anticipated since some responses I didn’t realize are so damaging are kind of my “default” response.

I had some good opportunities to practice and do some of the homework as my husband and I went away for a child-free wedding over the weekend. It really let me focus. I also saw the fruit of my efforts over the weekend. For instance, he downloaded a movie he thought I might like to watch on his phone for our plane ride. It was the live-action version of Cinderella, so I know he was only downloading it thinking of me haha! He also went out of his way to bring me breakfast at the hotel since he was already dressed and I wasn’t. So far, I haven’t had a Pandora’s box reaction. Crossing my fingers that there will just be smooth sailing!

I know I’ll have to work at it a little harder right now. I’m sick and have a ton of sinus pressure that is making me cranky. I’ll have to be sure not to get too caught up in that and be short with him!

anothergoodbook · 2018-01-04T12:43:12+00:00

I'm a little late in joining the club :). I am so glad I saw your post. I thought my marriage was amazing. Then things got hard and it tested everything in me. And I thought I was following a lot of the ideas presented, but I realize I've been letting things slip.

My husband has been really down and it's been almost a year. So when the assignment was thinking of his masculine traits, I froze up. I couldn't see them (me letting resentment get in the way). I started reading the list of traits and a lightbulb went off. I could see him in many of them. The idea of accepting him was a knock in the head. I've been trying so hard to make him "better" and I've probably made him feel so, so much worse.

I feel so energized though. I feel like I can get back to where I thought I was all along. I've begun admiring him more and more when I read the traits.

So this week's assignment. He isn't overly receptive to compliments at the moment. He feels really stupid and down on himself. So I try not to over do it. Or I thank him for something very specific. Or do something else he likes (a hug, playing with his hair, etc). I realized before I read this how much I interrupt when he is talking. I interject with my solutions and observations. I've just been working really hard on just listening. And this just helped me double my efforts. Thanks for doing this! I really needed it!

eucalyptus1818 · 2018-01-02T18:09:08+00:00

I had SUCH an experience this week.

In many ways, this chapter really opened my eyes that I was maybe not as good of a partner as I liked to think I was. I had not considered how much the world tears a man down, day in and day out - that a man's partner should not feel the need to ever humble him or remind him of the scale of things, because literally everyone else already does this. I made a promise to myself to always be his refuge and support from now on.

I listen to his words more carefully. Now I see that what I thought was complaining for sympathy was really a small bid for admiration, after a long day of getting the opposite.

Example: he often says he had a very long and busy day at work, and is exhausted. Before, I would say something like, "they need to hire more staff and stop running you down into the ground!" I thought I was being supportive and sympathetic by being indignant on his behalf, but the message I was sending was "you are run into the ground" - BAD!

This time (four days ago) I said, "you work so hard for us. You have such a great work ethic. It's only natural to feel tired after a job well done. Time to relax now." -- after that little change that was complimentary and validating, he seemed energized again and insisted on taking me out to dinner! I can't remember the last time we went out in the middle of our workweek. He is still tired when he comes home but he doesn't complain about it anymore, I think because he got (and gets) the validation and admiration he needed after a long day. It was a small tweak with big results.

Assignments 1. I made the list of virtues, taking care not just to include the virtues he shows me but also the ositive traits he has and shows others (but not me). I am going to see if this journey changes that status quo. SOFW suggests those are withheld due to resentments and hurts I have caused, and I am going to try to follow the exercises as faithfully as I can to see how it goes.

Assignment 2. I meditated on these a lot, and will continue to do this exercise. Forgiveness is slow going but forcing myself daily to let go of hurts, be they big or small, has made me feel lighter and happier. A weight I didn't know I carried is starting to feel lighter, but I am also more aware that the weight exists all the time.

Assignment 3. I used the New Year as my opportunity to express how much I loved and appreciated him as he was, and look forward to being the best partner I can to him in 2018. He teared up a little... it felt so good to be able to share that vulnerable closeness.

lunatic_in_the_hall · 2018-01-04T22:52:04+00:00

Question: is this book worth reading even if you're single? Like for future advice? Or would it be a waste of time?

RainingGlitter28 · 2018-01-05T12:02:39+00:00

Hey am I too late to join in? X

RainingGlitter28 · 2018-01-05T15:29:52+00:00

Thankyou for reminding me not to interrupt with my own 'helpful' thoughts!

Title	Week 2: Secrets of Fascinating Womanhood (book club)
Author	eucalyptus1818
Upvotes	11
Comments	14
Date	January 2, 2018 6:03 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/7no3fv/week_2_secrets_of_fascinating_womanhood_book_club/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/week-2-secrets-of-fascinating-womanhood-book-club.74025 https://theredarchive.com/post/74025

Comments