Accepting my partner's weakness?

spotted_kat · 2021-02-19T01:35:46+00:00

A couple strategies to noodle on: 1) don’t reward the behavior by helping him “calm down” or wind down the emotion. This is how women care for each other or their children, and it’s why you’re not attracted to it. I am NOT saying don’t be there to emotionally comfort your husband when it’s warranted but what you’re saying is his reaction is not warranted for situation. Much like with children, he may need to learn how to sooth himself when his feathers get ruffled and you don’t want to create the precedent you will provide that for him over something that is quite unattractive to you 2) you can point out tastefully “this seemed to get under your skin more than it would bother other men, do you know why or what about it is causing this strong of a reaction?” - anecdotally I did this once with my own husband and he could not comprehend what I was saying, probably because he is a man, but I still like to think in theory it could help promote self-awareness. There’s something about these situations that are triggering for him. Maybe he is used to being ignored by his family and suffering for it so it’s a sensitive spot. In theory, becoming aware allows you to recognize that’s the case and move past the emotion faster. 3) direct feedback, give him examples where his emotions didn’t match the situation and you didnt like how it made you feel about him. I have done with this my husband. He can be what I would call an “emotional vampire” when it comes to his anger or frustration and desire to talk through work. I mean above and beyond what’s typical. He could process and talk for hours everyday! I found the negativity and constancy to be draining! I wanted to be there for him and not shut down our bond while also wanting a bigger boundary. I basically told him to man up and it was too much complaining and it did get significantly better! He slips back into it occasionally but like your post is titled I think this is where “acceptance” comes into play. State what you need and desire from him. It may hurt his feelings but your job is not to protect him, he needs to hear it for the sake of your relationship and attraction to him. You don’t want to feel like your mothering him. 4) walk away and remove yourself so you’re less exposed to his emotionality or focus on how you can practice your values of patience and grace 😉!

Good luck! He sounds like a catch. All men have their weak spots.

MommyLovesTheBabies · 2021-02-19T21:11:49+00:00

Is it possible he might be stressed out ? You say he is a top student at a top program. So was I, and when you are already almost at your limit, it is very easy for small things to overwhelm you emotionally. I’ve also been the one taking responsibility for family members and it is very overwhelming to watch them suffer from poor choices you couldn’t prevent. If you ever get emotionally overwhelmed like that, and he is there for you, you should remember how good that feels and try to do the same for him. Men are human too, that isn’t weakness, and I think most men like having someone who supports them when they need it. That’s true feminine strength and any adult relationship will require you both to support each other equally. You’re stronger when you support each other equally. Life is hard. If he catches on that you find him unattractive for needing support, he might decide you are either incapable of supporting him when he needs it and leave or he might find support in someone else, which may or may not be bad.

MuttonDressedAsGoose · 2021-02-18T22:46:47+00:00

This is the kind of thing I want to do for a man in a major life crisis. The death of a loved one or a cancer diagnosis. Not for every day stress.

Gamedragon345 · 2021-02-20T18:49:21+00:00

It sounds like he has autism or something. Or some other kind of disorder. OCD.

ofblankverse · 2021-02-19T04:23:06+00:00

He should be your rock. Not the other way around. If his father died and he needed a head massage to get through it, you would be a good partner. But his emotional immaturity means he is not yet ready for marriage. As a woman, you should not tell him what is wrong with him: tell him what you want. Only when you see his reaction can you decide if he is worth the wait. If he reacts like a man when you tell him you want to be with a man, then that’s a good sign. There is no perfect man, but you can’t pretend that this isn’t a big deal. If he’s aware if it and dedicated to working on it, that’s one thing. But it has to truly be of his own motivation.

DelicateDevelopment · 2021-02-18T22:53:09+00:00

From my perspective the first situation looks like he is very caring about the well-being of his parents and from what you describe it seems that it hurts him to see that he cannot protect them from doing something that harms themselves.

There I would actually admire his commitment and maybe support him with the perspective, that as hard as it seems sometimes we can only advice and then have to let people make their own choices, according to "He that will not hear must feel". There are many reasons why people don't listen to advice, sometimes they are stubborn and do not listen, sometimes it is something that is not understood.

To him I would simply say that "hey your parents have their own will, if they make choices against your advice and fail then they have to deal with the consequences".

Writing this makes me wonder if he already had to feel responsible for the family and his parents from early on. So maybe you can help him also with telling him, that you don't think he did anything wrong. Fact is if kids want to advice something as adults and parents decide to go their own way, they are adults as well and no power can "safe" the parents.

Now one can try to connect the dots with the second situation, if he is that strongly affected by an argument with another person, then maybe also because he feels responsible for conveying something where he thinks it is right but on which the other person has a different opinion.

Again, you can support and strengthen him, because even if his view is correct and his intentions are correct, then still, other people see the world differently and moreover have often also different interests and that only god can change peoples mind, but that we as individuals have no power make others see something that they are unable or do not want to see.

So summarizing to me it seems that you have found someone who feels very responsible for what happens to the people around him and that what you perceive as a weakness right now is rather a side effect of strength.

Help him, patientily, kindly and in a soft comforting way, to understand "He that will not hear must feel", people who do not listen will inevitably suffer at some point from the consequences of their actions.

Maybe that way you can support him in this great character trait of feeling responsible for the good of the people around him and help him to grow and develop the strong side.

It always helps me to remind myself about something which I find fundamentally true, namely, that our strongest and best character traits are often at the same time also our weakest spots.

Every coin has two sides.

If what I wrote rings with you, then you could try if he reacts more calm and stronger, if you tell him that you believe his intentions were correct and apparently also his advice and that it is not his fault that other people often do opposite as adviced...

We can as women make our men feel strong if they can feel that we believe in them.

Impossible_Cress6661 · 2021-02-21T23:48:59+00:00

from one side; it's great that he trusts you enough to show you his feelings openly (much better than an emotionless rock) but from the other side, such reactions might be covering a major anxiety problem that might need help. So my suggestion would be talking to him about the possibility of seeking psychological help (in a kind way, of course) which might improve his well being as well as yours.

pilled21 · 2021-02-18T22:15:11+00:00

to me this is a huge deal breaker because i would want a strong male partner and just because he conducts himself well in business doesn't excuse his emotional weakness because everybody is professional plus there will be so many challenges in the future throughout pregnancy / raising children / finances. it just seems concerning that you're already worried you will not like him and its only been 5 months. if its not too much of an issue for you then you will have to accept and deal with it because you can't really change your man

Title	Accepting my partner's weakness?
Author	Themusicalpro
Upvotes	7
Comments	15
Date	February 18, 2021 9:11 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/lmxd41/accepting_my_partners_weakness/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/accepting-my-partners-weakness.741679 https://theredarchive.com/post/741679

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