Unpopular opinion: femininity has almost nothing to do with the way you look, your voice, your walk, your hair, etc

Individual-Camera-96 · 2021-02-23T14:39:20+00:00

It’s your energy. You can look a hot mess and still have the energy.

Throwaway230306 · 2021-02-23T17:38:57+00:00

I've thought about how to best describe femininity and the best I can come up with is traits and behaviors that appeal to male idealism and romanticism about women. Traits that make men feel affection for women and invoke a sense of protectiveness.

For many women, these traits come naturally. Others do not have them, but can develop them with time if they're interested. There are women who're very good at performing feminine traits in a strategic way (the old phrase "feminine wiles" evokes this skill).

That said, I'm not sure you can say that femininity is just what comes naturally to a woman, no more than a naturally weak, indecisive, and fearful man will be perceived by anyone as masculine. There was an interesting post on this sub a while back called something like Don't be Fooled by Natural, around the topic of developing feminine traits even if it feels "unnatural."

Astroviridae · 2021-02-23T16:00:58+00:00

There was a RPW theory post way way back when the sub began about the concept of a feminine mind. I'll have to dig it up again because it's a great refresher on feminine disposition. The core concept of that post that has stayed with me throughout the years is that femininity is expressed through appearance but appearance is not the source of femininity. What makes a woman feminine is truly her mindset to be supportive, yielding, receptive, graceful, and all around pleasant. It begins with inward self-reflection and desire that pours outward into a feminine appearance. Without internalizing and practicing these concepts, all the cute clothes is merely cosplay for femininity.

That being said, it's a ridiculous assertion that the way one dresses, talks, and walks has nothing to do with femininity. Cursing like a sailor, wearing ratty or ill-fitting clothes, and having poor posture is antithetical to cultivating femininity.

marypoaster · 2021-02-23T14:34:03+00:00

I completely agree. Prior to discovering this community, I was feminine despite being a feminist back then.

When I talk to friends about my past beliefs, I always tell them how much more comfortable I am in my skin now then when I was a raging feminist. As a feminist, I looked feminine (long hair, pretty dresses, painted nails, spoke softly, etc.), but I forced myself to act masculine in certain situations because that’s what I thought I was supposed to do.

Being nurturing, sensitive, emotional, etc. were all things that came naturally to me that I tried hard to suppress. And when I chose to embrace it instead, I felt at peace.

So yes, femininity exists within all of us women (for the most part) and it’s all about accepting it and taming the masculine energy.

dollaramaescargot · 2021-02-23T19:05:11+00:00

I think the feminine aesthetic is a way of communicating the "trope" of femininity in character, but without gentleness and grace being the actual content of your character, the "look" doesn't mean anything.

Ionotropic_effect · 2021-02-23T15:28:47+00:00

Ahhhh thank you for this! Here I am thinking to be “feminine” and pretty I have to fit a certain mold of delicate and dainty, topped off with lipstick and baking homemade cookies for my husband at a moment’s notice. There are still days where I’m at the dog park and think “Did I just leave the house without makeup?” and panic for a second, as if having to be done up for everyone ALL THE TIME is the ideal to strive for. It used to really stress me out. It’s all in your attitude and intuition and the energy you project. I’ve received a lot more attention since getting married and becoming more carefree in my attitude (not lazy, just refuse to sweat the small stuff).

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