I am about to move in with my bf and I am nervous

shinynorah · 2021-05-26T21:17:56+00:00

If you’re both working full time, the household responsibilities shouldn’t exclusively fall on you. It’s good to be tidy and a giving partner, but you can’t be expected to be a doting housewife when a) you’re NOT his wife, and b) you have a full-time job.

Honestly, the age gap here is a slight yellow flag to me. And when you say things like, “I don’t know how much he is going to expect of me, I’m worried he’ll expect more,” the fact that you’re feeling that way is another yellow flag. If it makes you nervous to move in with him before engagement/marriage, listen to your gut and don’t move in with him. If he is truly high-value, he will respect you as you show respect for yourself and your needs/wants.

santarosa2020 · 2021-05-26T21:45:37+00:00

Have you thought about maybe postponing moving in until after marriage? If you wait until marriage to move in, then you can be a homemaker right from the start. Also how do your parents feel about all this? Do they think he is a good match for you? Has this man been reliable in the past? Is he almost ready for marriage? Most importantly, what does your dad think?

I'm probably biased because trial runs of living together never worked out well for my friends who did this. Firstly it didn't paint an accurate picture, since they were working full time during the trial run and planned to be homemakers after marriage. Secondly, it was often a delaying tactic by the man. They would play house and it felt like marriage, so they didn't make marriage a priority.

I moved in with girlfriends after college and my husband shared a house with guy friends. It gave us both experience living with people outside of our families. We both learned about cleaning, cooking, resolving conflict, respecting other peoples space, home repairs, etc. I think that experience really helped us both.

Lightandlush · 2021-05-27T00:33:12+00:00

Please don't move in with him! At least until you are engaged with a wedding date set. Of course he wants you to move in- he wants all the benefits of having a woman around without having to make the long term commitment.

It sounds like he wants someone to keep his home clean, provide all the feminine touches men love, cook, be available for sex, give him female companionship etc. Those things are all beautiful gifts to give a man, but please consider waiting until you get something out of this arrangement (commitment!).

Also, I could totally see it being difficult for you to live up to this expectation he has of you while you are working. And I could see that making him second guess engagement/marriage (if you are unable to keep the house as clean as he wants/ be available for him as much as he wants etc).

HappilyMrs · 2021-05-26T21:14:01+00:00

I would want a firm idea from him what he is looking for, and to make clear that moving in is a big step you hoped to be engaged before doing

EvieFire · 2021-05-27T02:31:37+00:00

You should be deeply concerned when the two subreddits devoted to supporting women with your goals are begging you to take caution.

Flip the script. You want a trial run. You'll keep your room at your parents and move in with him for one month, then you'll move back to your parents. You'll talk about what you liked and didn't like about living together. You'll talk about what your future life could look like.

He will respect you more for having caution. He will work harder to love and court you if he knows he can't take you for granted.

ImaginaryWeb9546 · 2021-05-26T21:16:13+00:00

[deleted]

booklisttoolong · 2021-05-27T22:29:56+00:00

Ask him what his expectations are for this situation! :)

I see you mentioned this a few times in the comments and in the original post. You can't fly blind and expect to do well. And if his expectations aren't in line with your wants/abilities, then it's better to know before going in. (If he doesn't know what he wants that's not good. Same, if you don't know what you want that's not good. Be clear with yourself too.) Good luck!

Title	I am about to move in with my bf and I am nervous
Author	ImaginaryWeb9546
Upvotes	0
Comments	32
Date	May 26, 2021 8:49 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWives
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/nlr55n/i_am_about_to_move_in_with_my_bf_and_i_am_nervous/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/i-am-about-to-move-in-with-my-bf-and-i-am-nervous.775472 https://theredarchive.com/post/775472

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