I won't be able to spend much time or effort on dating anytime soon. But I finally feel like it might be safe to do so, thanks almost entirely to FDS principles. For the past couple of years I've been replaying in my head all the times I've been abused and hurt by men in the past, unable to keep these bitter thoughts from invading my mind at any moment. I'd think to myself, "How could I get out there and try to love a man again when I haven't met one I can trust in ages?" I could not stop thinking about, talking about, and reliving the pain, which took an even greater toll on my mental health. This is a form of self-harm and only deepened my depression.

Recently, through tremendous discipline and leveling up, I was able to shut those broken-record memories up. And while there are still some LV phenomena I may never stop railing about when I see them in action, for all intents and purposes my life and mind feel like they're fully mine again.

If you've ever found yourself spiraling over the grossness of men, unable to see a positive outcome or struggling to see the past for what it is, I hope these ideas can help you set up a plan to walk away from this vicious cycle:

Work on yourself. I know we talk a lot about the importance of prioritizing your lifestyle, career, finances, and hobbies here, but this really is the #1 method for evicting men who are living rent-free in your head. What goals do you want to achieve? How can you get started? What's next? Try a sport, join a club, try a time-intensive hobby. (Better yet, start a degree program - I have no free time to waste of scrotes anymore, lol.) Barrage your brain with planning for something fun and new, until you're too busy planning to worry about the crusty and old.

Try this journaling exercise: Every day (or every time you're feeling particularly off), write down the thought or thoughts that are bothering you, in ONE LINE OR LESS, then follow up with at least one paragraph about something you're excited about. If men and their bullshit are invading your thoughts and it's hurting you, never EVER give them any significant amount of physical space, even in a journal. The goal of this exercise is to slowly train your brain to want to skip to the exciting bit of your exercise and spend less time focusing on the bad. Try to do this for at least a month, but ultimately until you're no longer haunted by the same shitty thoughts every day. (This is something I adapted from this YouTuber's excellent journaling exercise to combat imposter syndrome.)

Vent, until you run out of things to vent about. Y'all know I do this ALL THE TIME — sharing stories about the egregious things that've happened to me and my girls for letting the wrong men sit at our tables. Some people find venting hugely cathartic; it allows you to air out invasive thoughts that would've otherwise been left inside of you to fester and grow into generalized resentment. Vent with your trusted girlfriends, or here at FDS with thousands of supportive women backing you up. We're here to learn from each other first and foremost, but we're also here to share and empathize!

Indulge in success stories from time to time! If you're like me, a casual scroll through FDS may wind up with you feeling absolute despair over the state of dating (or, men. or, humanity). HVM are out there! And they come from all walks of life. It's important to stay up to date on scrotes' manipulation tactics, but I think we sometimes underestimate the power behind identifying green flags when we see them as something to seek out and look forward to in our lives. FDS is highly critical, and for good reason, so when you see one of us actually hyping a man, listing out the reasons why he deserves this praise, and receiving positive feedback from other FDS women in the comments, understand that these women are successfully vetting and cracking the code, and one day, maybe you will, too.

Lastly, I just want to remind y'all of this quote that keeps me going when I'm in a rough place or feeling distrustful of those around me, from Rita Mae Brown: “Happiness is pretty simple: someone to love, something to do, something to look forward to.” May you always have all three, in some way shape or form. :)