How do you get over bitterness and vengeance

zoemondo · 2021-06-19T14:51:58+00:00

You get over it by not telling yourself any more lies like "women don't have to try."

Inareskai · 2021-06-19T16:44:31+00:00

You said you weren't bitter about dating, just life. Yet you talk about how women don't have to try because men approach them. So clearly you're talking about dating there.

Firstly, in life - which you were claiming to be talking about - women absolutely have to try.

Secondly, women do also have to try in dating. Not being the ones who approach most often doesn't mean they don't have to try at all.

2021-06-19T14:22:37+00:00

Personally, I got over it with therapy and getting help from a good group of people that helped me change my frame of which I was looking at the world. A lot of those feelings actually come from having expectations of how things should go and then being disappointed/bitter/angry that the expectation was not met. As cliche as it sounds, 'go with the flow' became soooo much easier once I understood that I was my own dam to the flow.

If you need any book recommendations or anything, let me know and I'll give you some decent starters.

Comfortable_Intern57 · 2021-06-19T19:49:19+00:00

If that were the case that women don't have to work hard and men just come to them, I wouldn't still be single and never married as a woman at the age of 38. Getting sex might be easier, but that's not what I want, that's not what any woman wants. We want love and companionship, sex is secondary. In the end, this is what men really want too but their sexual desires cloud their judgment and thinking. They want sex first and then maybe they'll think about love later, for women companionship is always on the forefront. So we end up getting hurt a lot from men who don't want anything serious and just keep stringing us along for sex until they can find another woman that maybe they can love.

Both genders have their complaints.

2021-06-19T19:22:38+00:00

Following the works of Babette Rothschild and my own experience you need to develop 5 areas in your life (she calls them resources):

1- Functional resources: anything that you use to get by in your life: money, a house, a car, good food, intelligence...

2- Physical resources: feeling good in your body, strength, endurance...

3- psychological resources: having the ability to have proper psychological responses in life, you need a good therapist for this.

4- Relational resources: Deep, fulfilling, unconditional relationships with your family, friends, loved ones...

5- Spiritual resources: Believing in yourself and in the functioning of the world.

make an inventory of what resources you have now, which ones you can develop in the near future, and the ones that need time to develop. These resources are interrelated and you can use one as a base to develop another (the fifth one being the most essential), you can for example use the functional resources (a fulfilling hobby for example) to develop the relational resources (meeting new people and forming good friendships). Spiritual resources are the most basic here because if you have no faith in yourself or what you do then you'll succeed in nothing and this sentiment of having no control is the source of the feeling of the absurdity of life. Make long term goals, then plan small steps to reach them, with each step you faith in yourself and in the functioning of the world will grow. And even if you fail one step you can stop, analyse the situation and find another way, your faith in your critical ability will grow.

Now you may find a GF while working in yourself, a good GF/Wife is your rock, appreciate her. And even if she does not show up early, the goal is to have a fulfilling and meaningful life, don't worry.

Now the most important thing, cut ties with people who are toxic to you, who are actively pulling you down.

Edit: Feeling angry or frustrated is normal when one is down, don't deny them and don't let them eat you up. Allow them to be expressed but know where they really come from and how they are being (correctly or not) rationalized

Edit 2: Hard work isn't a garantee of success, you might be working hard and hitting a wall, meaning novresults are coming from the hard work but stress and frustration. If whatever you are doing is not working stop, take a step back and find a new way

prolific1997 · 2021-06-20T10:41:38+00:00

Personally, associating yourself with quality people is a good start. Going on a date with normal women. A lot of women are not like the redpill is saying they are.

unlivedbread · 2021-06-21T01:22:57+00:00

Women from a man's perspective have it made. Sex whenever they want it, never have to be alone, can sit back and do nothing letting the man work and its acceptable (stay at home wife). But women have to deal with far more negative emotion than men do generally. They feel far more vulnerable in the world and are generally far more insecure in my experience.

So don't envy them too much, because while it seems they have everything they deal with alot on the emotional side of things that men just don't have to endure.

Title	How do you get over bitterness and vengeance
Author	deepdig2020
Upvotes	3
Comments	15
Date	June 19, 2021 2:10 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/o3gwfc/how_do_you_get_over_bitterness_and_vengeance/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/how-do-you-get-over-bitterness-and-vengeance.785593 https://theredarchive.com/post/785593

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