What is FDS stance on finances in marriage?

throwaway23004345 · 2021-02-22T03:47:57+00:00

You can read the handbook but basically women do more “work” in a relationship (giving birth, emotional labor, chores, time and money to get ready. Also as women we are disadvantaged bc we get paid less on a dollar. A man being a full provider puts more skin in the game too. Imo I don’t mind playing for dates occasionally or gifts etc but i def won’t be spilling regular bills

snowwhite224 · 2021-02-22T00:45:46+00:00

Like if you combine your accounts it’s all the same money right? I still think maybe the woman should have a side account or access to one just in case anything happens. ((You know)))

MelatoninNightmares · 2021-02-23T18:41:08+00:00

I'm married.

I think finances in marriage are deeply personal and unique. By the time you're marrying a man, you know that he's a fully vetted, financially responsible HVM with a provider mindset who (at least by male standards - we know it's never truly 50/50) takes a fair share of responsibility for housework. And marriage legally entitles you to some financial protection, though the specifics may vary based on where you live, if there was a prenup involved, etc.

However, men can change, cheat, or hide who they truly are until marriage, dissipate assets ahead of a divorce, throw money away on addictions or mistresses, rack up debt, etc. They can also die unexpectedly, which we never like to think about, but we need to be prepared for. So the one universal piece of advice I would offer is - make sure you have your own money somewhere that he can't access. How much money that will need to be will be personal to you. At the very least, it should be enough to cover moving out and hiring a lawyer. What "moving out" means will, again, be specific to you - a plane ticket home to your parents, an apartment, living expenses while you find a job if you were a SAHM, etc. Also, if you live somewhere where you need a personal vehicle for transportation, make sure you have a car that is ONLY in your name. Make absolutely sure your name is on anything you share jointly - the deed to the house, investment accounts, etc. Make sure you have access to any accounts you share jointly, and keep an eye on them. And make sure he has a will that takes care of you, that he has life insurance and you're named as the beneficiary, etc.

Other than that, it will vary a lot based on your personal financial situation. Finances in marriage are way more complicated than just bills and dates and spending money, so there's really no "one-size-fits-all" solution. What each of you do with your money will affect the other person far more than it does while dating. Things like joint investments, joint debts, differences in income, having children, shared insurance plans, a partner choosing to stay home or return to school, unexpected illness or disability, etc make the situation way, way more complicated.

My point being: We refuse to go 50/50 while dating or living together in order to suss out if a man has a provider mindset. If you're marrying the guy, you should know that he's a provider and he's gonna take care of you. Make sure you're protected, and do whatever makes the most sense for your situation.

2021-02-23T00:15:32+00:00

His money is to be shared, yours is to be kept.🤣unless you want it otherwise. But when you dont have to open up your wallet life is much easier. Makes it easier to leave him also

Buckley92 · 2021-02-22T03:21:32+00:00

I personally think it should be split income wise. Whoever earns more pays more, and you pay your share of the expenses into a joint account to cover expenses.

The rest you should keep in your own account.

dollymyfolly · 2021-02-22T02:27:57+00:00

🌼✨He pays for everything ✨🌼

dancedancedance83 · 2021-02-22T02:25:39+00:00

That's a good question. I'm eager to see how others will respond. But where I'm at now (as a recovering PickMeisha), I think yours/mine/ours fits me. I learned from my grandma to always have your own money, married or not, because you never know. But the man should be providing too.

I would think it depends if you're hypergamous or not too. I believe hypergamy says the man still pays 100% of the bills even when married.

Title	What is FDS stance on finances in marriage?
Author	snowwhite224
Upvotes	17
Comments	9
Date	February 22, 2021 12:37 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askFDS
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/AskFDS/comments/lpaves/what_is_fds_stance_on_finances_in_marriage/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askFDS/what-is-fds-stance-on-finances-in-marriage.792551 https://theredarchive.com/post/792551

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