Still miss a woman I once loved

Pandorable787 · 2019-08-05T16:30:19+00:00

Humans have a hard time letting go in general. It's why people look back and cringe about things that happened years ago, or think about the what-ifs we can never really know. Trying to ignore it is as is advice as telling someone who's sad to just suck it up.

When you remember her, remember the good and the bad instead of just the best moments. Work on making yourself and your life better so you can look back on your time with her as something you've truly moved past. That's what going your own way is all about my dude.

sadbasturd99 · 2019-08-06T03:01:58+00:00

> Anyone else been through this?

Every man who ever lived.

> How do I move past it and no longer think of her

If I tell you not think of an elephant can you not think of an elephant ? This is the human condition unfortunately. What I am told is that you make space for other thoughts. As in doing other things, having other romances perhaps, gaining perspective, or distance, verbalized as "space".

the-lone-squid · 2019-08-05T22:35:06+00:00

Yep, couldn’t stand her, yet still missed her.

I eventually figured out she was part of my routine. Got used to having someone walk through that door at a certain time. I ended up moving

RedPillMissionary · 2019-08-05T23:34:25+00:00

I miss the sex, sure

theanchorman05 · 2019-08-06T01:26:37+00:00

Stop remembering the good times and really remember it all. If you look back I'm sure there were more bad times than good.

Hodgekin · 2019-08-06T01:29:52+00:00

I think your problem is a yearning for approval in your life. Without approval, you're unmotivated to work. You feel like you fall short of expectations no matter how hard you try, so you've given up trying. Life feels futile. What you miss most is being appreciated for your effort. It's something you most likely lacked in your childhood, and could be worst if you had a high achieving sibling that your parents compared you to. Now you work a manual labor job. It feels like a dead end job, with no room for growth. You constantly work hard without knowing if anyone around you appreciates your effort or even acknowledge your existence. You don't feel respected. Nor do you feel alive. This is my guess based on our conversation together. Do tell me if I'm off. I think what you are yearning for is love, respect and acknowledgement.

Jan22147 · 2019-08-06T01:57:53+00:00

It can happen, your mind is trying to trick you. Be careful how you are getting programmed subconsciously - stop listening to lyrical music, remove as many factors as you can then drum the new programming that you want in. Simple. If you want to know more about the process you can pm me.

ausgamer529 · 2019-08-06T15:32:20+00:00

I still think of my first GG even after 7 years. It's like a mental parasite

Trek13 · 2019-08-06T17:22:41+00:00

She is now an illusion. A fantasy. I've been thru the same thing several times. I realized the sad reality of how badly I was fooled by this fantasy was when years later I got back together and rekindled the relationship. This happened twice in my life. Both times were absolute failures and valuable lessons on just how badly your brain can trick you. But i was lucky both times, I didn't marry or knock them up, etc.

Another thing. The older you get the less susceptible you will be to this phenomenon. In fact, years from now you will look back on that woman and truly marvel at what an idiot you were for pining away like you did. Unfortunately most men are not so lucky, they end up trapped and pay a huge price thru the inevitable divorce rape/alimony/CS

rumblepony247 · 2019-08-06T18:09:43+00:00

Interesting reading all of the comments. Your love for her involves a lot of admiration for her talents, which are the type of specific talents that you greatly admire in a person.

In addition, collaborating with her allowed you to use the parts of yourself that you most enjoy, which you associate with some characteristic of hers, but in reality was just sort of a happy coincidence.

It sounds like a quite unbalanced relationship, and a relationship in which one's admiration has reached worship, and is not even remotely reciprocated. The cunty behavior is much more relevant than her positive talents.

You've got to do some work to get her off that pedestal in your head. She's just another meatsack like the rest of us, who happened to be blessed genetically, with some talents that you coincidentally greatly admire.

SullenBol · 2019-08-05T17:25:43+00:00

Best solution is to meet her again and see her for who she is after you're now redpilled.

30203forever · 2019-08-05T17:43:23+00:00

When you have such thought, just do some sports till your body screams to stop and nothing else matters. That's how I kicked smoking addiction 25 years ago. Good luck! P.S. In a year or two after you evict her out of your head, you will find your current "longings" irrational and wouldn't even be able to understand why you had them, guaranteed. Every one of us here has has that experience, I'm sure....

Hodgekin · 2019-08-05T18:18:12+00:00

Have you figured out what about her that you missed?

Was it her looks? Her personality (besides being super cunty)? The time you spent together? Did she resemble someone you knew?

I think you ought to figure out what exactly you miss about her to figure out why. Then maybe through understanding why, you can figure yourself out too.

801735 · 2019-08-05T18:54:45+00:00

Improve aim. ]=)

taco_smasher69 · 2019-08-05T19:38:41+00:00

make a list of the times she pissed you off. Do NOT make a list of the happy times. Each time you start to miss her, read that list back to yourself. Repeat.

Impossible-asset · 2019-08-05T19:56:10+00:00

I'll tell you a story about "the one who got away".

Back when I was young and full of piss and vinegar, I went head-over-heels for some chick who had it all. I mean that whole disneyfied "something about mary" thing.

Every moment of the day I ached for her. Every moment together was a hallmark greeting cards aisle.

These symptoms are consistent with infatuation. Powerful, strong hormones that make you do really honest-to-God retarded shit.

Well, long story short. It didnt work out as I had intended, and we went our separate ways.

Still thought about her for YEARS. What if I did this, what if we did that?

And then she hit me up on Facebook. Back when I had Facebook.

35 years old, twice divorced, in and out of mental institutions, and diagnosed sociopath.

What went through my mind was this feeling of "that was it? THIS is who I wrote songs for, bought food and clothes and took day trips with? And I thought about the other guys she had been with. Failed marriages and abusive relationships. And where would have been on the list had I gotten what I wanted all those years ago? Burnt. Just like the rest of them. I know that's what would have happened because that was the kind of guy I was at the time. Whatever she wanted.

But after our conversation, I blocked her. Forever. I contrasted the "would have been" me with the "look at me now" me. And i made the better choice to pursue my own career and putting my resources to my own best use to improve my lot in life.

The point is. You're pining for a memory. If it causes you pain. It's because you're fantasizing about an outcome that deep down you KNOW couldnt have worked out. Therein lies the difference between remembering the good times with a sweetheart, and wanting what was never meant to be.

And it is entirely likely that while it may have been painful at the time, the man you have become since then is in a much, MUCH better state of being than the one you would be if you had gotten what you wanted at the time.

As the late 20th century philosopher Jagger penned:

you cant always get what you want. But if you try sometimes, you may find you get what you need."

Remember the good times for what they were, and face forward knowing more are yet to come.

DonMelbourne · 2019-08-05T19:58:31+00:00

How do I move past it and no longer think of her.

Marry her. Then you'll eventually come round.

She was super cunty to me, but I still miss her. It's not rational.

Not rational, but completely human. I sympathesize. Like all pains, this will eventually fade. But that's not a lot of comfort while you are still feeling the pain. My best wishes.

SparkMarcus · 2019-08-05T20:30:14+00:00

Your brain is not always your best friend. You won't prevent her making you missing your ex. Just remind you are not enslaved by your feelings. Just trust your sense that tells you romantic relationships are toxic by design. You know what the best is for yourself. Relying on yourself is exactly the purpose of MGTOW philosophy.

JosephZheng111 · 2019-08-07T19:16:08+00:00

You need to meet women. lol. The reason you miss her is because you arent having sex. Its easy to replace someone. But if you have a replacement. Then you will never get over her. Just have sex with some random girl. Not commitments. lol

Title	Still miss a woman I once loved
Author	TigPlaze
Upvotes	19
Comments	30
Date	August 5, 2019 4:19 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MGTOW2
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MGTOW2/comments/cmd2sf/still_miss_a_woman_i_once_loved/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MGTOW2/still-miss-a-woman-i-once-loved.812611 https://theredarchive.com/post/812611

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