I'd like to apologise in advance for my ramblings as I'm just looking for some insight into a malaise I've begun to find myself under the sway of as of late.

Perhaps it's my naturally pessimistic nature taking over, but once I began to realise the nature of women and the corrupt gynocentric state I've found myself slipping into a mental condition I've found that is a strange combination of listlessness and caution bordering on paranoia.

Now I'm certain most of you would be able to address the listlessness part. Much of it has to do with finding a renewed purpose in one's self, hence the moniker of "MGTOW". But lately, even in my attempts to find a semblance of stimulation in either some financial success in trading stocks or improving my skills in a hobby, I've found myself always returning to the same perpetual question;

"What is the point of it all?"

And the truth is, there probably isn't one; and that's what has me so perturbed. I believe StarDusk mentioned it once as the process of going numb: That the realisation that all your efforts and endeavours were motivated by a primitive sexual drive to procreate makes it all seem so absurd and infantile. But that realisation is even more stark as digesting the Red Pill means abandoning the facade and dressings that made the primitive urges more powerful and noble than they had any right to be.

So you're stuck in limbo, unable to return from whence you came but wondering if you should go any further.

And then the caution (or paranoia) if you will sets in. The realisation that world sees you as a beast of burden, to shoulder the weight of society's crumbling pillars and to have all the ills of the world hoisted upon your back. And if and when one of the women in your vicinity needs it, you will be slaughtered upon the altar of the Family Courts for her to feast upon.

I realise this has been a rather dark and perhaps unnecessarily nihilistic piece, but once again this is just me rambling. I've moved the anger that once misted my vision but now I feel lost, like a prey running from an unseen and undefinable predator that I know could be around any corner, but my rational war against my base urges has me wondering where do I run to? And for what purpose if happiness seems like a brief and fleeting memory?