If my spouse is a horrible parent but child wants to live with them...

toooldforthisnonsens · 2021-07-13T10:42:23+00:00

Be the influence you want to be. The kid may hate you now, but in the long run, they will figure out which parent was really "there" for them.

cschoonmaker · 2021-07-13T08:35:21+00:00

You’ve got a very tough road ahead of you. Most courts will lend some weight to the child’s choices but ultimately they want to do what is in the best interests of the child. And while you MIGHT be successful in getting primary or sole custody based on the crappy parenting of the other parent, you’ll also inherit a whole host of other problems because you’ll be forcing the child to live where they don’t want to live, obey rules they don’t want to follow, etc. IF you gain custody it wouldn’t surprise me if your child tried running away. And it would surprise me even more if they didn’t rebel and act out against you at every turn. Even getting them into therapy, which they obviously need, is going to be a fight. All I can say is I wish you the best of luck. I hope things work out for you and your child.

47omek · 2021-07-13T13:28:08+00:00

Sounds like your kid is getting pretty close to or is already at the age where they can just vote with their feet, and there's not much you can really do at that point to force them to come over on your parenting time. Teenage kids also tend to have pretty busy lives so even if they're sleeping at your place you're not seeing them that much, and their friends are bigger influences to them than their parents. Your child is nearing adulthood and you need to start building an adult relationship with them now - work on establishing a regular ritual with them. Weekly Sunday morning brunch has worked for many dads for instance. Eat and go for a walk with them and during that time you LISTEN to them and you don't offer your input unless they specifically ask for it. You don't want their last perception of you before they head out into the world to be that of a tyrant, and if the relationship is so stilted that they want no contact once they're adults you may never get them back. As long as you're maintaining regular non-dictatorial contact, difficult teens have a way of coming back around to a mutual respect in their 20s once they get a taste of the real world. I know I did.

jimsmythee · 2021-07-13T17:00:36+00:00

It's a tough road. Sorry. Because once they're 13, the judge can take into account to whom a child prefers to live with.

But on the flip side, if you can show proof. Such as "Child not going to school" or "Child is getting into trouble with the law" or "Doing illegal drugs", then YES you can petition the court.

My kids were young 6&9 when I split with my exwife. But luckily, with 50/50 custody from the get-go, I was able to maintain my relationship with my kids as they have gotten older.

Notlikeotherguys · 2021-07-13T12:49:56+00:00

Tough road. Barring actual physical abuse the courts will side with the mom. She's the "Fun" parent making you the dick. They will end up becoming losers like their mom. Even if you get custody they will probably run away or move back at 18. Unfortunately you might need to stand back and let life teach them. Continue to always do what you think is right vis a vis discipline and guidance. Which they will hate you for. One day they will find themselves in jams and wonder how they ended up there. Their mother probably won't be willing or able to help them and then you'll be getting a phone call. Maybe then hopefully they'll have an epiphany and realize that maybe dad was right. It's a tough thing to do as a parent, but in the long run it might be you're only option. You can fight for custody hich will take years, cost 10s of thousands of dollars, and ultimately the kids will still hate you and want to go back to Moms funhouse.

Title	If my spouse is a horrible parent but child wants to live with them...
Author	tanotsurewhattodo12
Upvotes	5
Comments	17
Date	July 13, 2021 5:15 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/oj8vav/if_my_spouse_is_a_horrible_parent_but_child_wants/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/if-my-spouse-is-a-horrible-parent-but-child-wants.816511 https://theredarchive.com/post/816511

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