Married for 18 years, together for almost 20. Two boys 8 and 10.
To say that it's been an acrimonious split would be an understatement. More than two years into the divorce process and the end is just coming into sight. I had no idea that I married a covert narcissist and suffered through years of abuse and a dead bedroom before I realized just how unhealthy my situation was. Ultimately, I was driven to such a point of worthlessness and despair that I took steps to end my life.
Fast forward to yesterday when I learned that my STBX brought a new man on vacation with my children. I've never met the man though my children told me he's their "friend". Don't get me wrong, I couldn't care less that she found a new victim to such the emotional life from. What bothers me is that she's introducing my kids to her f*ck buddy before the divorce is finalized. She also told the kids to lie about him being on the vacation with them but I have the credit card receipts to prove she bought the ticket for him to be there.
I thought that custody was basically a settled issue but she recently had to get a new attorney who refuses to say whether they're going to challenge the agreement we've been operating under for the last two years.
Looking for a couple of things from you guys:
- Is her behavior something that could cause issues for her if she tries to challenge our 50/50 custody arrangement? 2) Any words of encouragement or advice I should hear right now?
Thanks for being an awesome source of support!
[–]Jonger1150 2 points3 points4 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[+]DivorcingThrowaway215 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
We built a business together that she'll ultimately get to keep but it still needs to be split. She's insisted on hiding financials and doing anything/everything she can to lowball the valuation and buyout figures. It's been a real battle to get my fair share of a business that was my idea to begin with and 100% financed by me to start.
[–]Jonger1150 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]BlackmesaTBX 1 point2 points3 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[+]DivorcingThrowaway212 points [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link
Can you explain more?
[–]the_anonumos 4 points5 points6 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[+]DivorcingThrowaway214 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
We're in a no fault state and she's likely on the hook to pay alimony to me as her income is almost 5x mine.
[–]BlackmesaTBX 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]the_anonumos 0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Jonger1150 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]the_anonumos 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]walkingdisaster4046 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[+]DivorcingThrowaway211 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
Unfortunately the agreement hasn't been signed by the Judge and won't be until our trial date. Our state makes you attempt mediation for parenting plans if you have kids and we've been honoring that tentative agreement though it's not legally binding yet. There's several small changes to the language I want to make - hindsight is 20/20 - but she refuses to agree to them so the Judge will have to make that part of the final order.
[–]walkingdisaster4046 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]sicrm 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[+]DivorcingThrowaway213 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
I supported the family financially while she got an advanced degree and again when we started a business. Gave countless hours of my time on top of my full-time job to work "on" the business while she worked "in" the business. Not sure winning primary custody is something that would happen but I'll be damned if I'm taking anything less than 50/50. Child support is figured with a state calculator so that's a done deal but alimony is definitely something I'm fighting for along with 50% of the business. She's kicking and screaming all the way. Crazy thing is if the situation were reversed she'd feel entitled to everything I'm asking for and more.
[–]sicrm 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]rsmiley77 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[+]DivorcingThrowaway211 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
It's not that she went on vacation it's that she brought this new screw toy along and had him around my children. On top of that she's convinced them that he's their "friend" so it was OK for him to share a hotel room with them. If she didn't think it was wrong why would she encourage them to lie to me about it?
[–]rsmiley77 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]teufelinderflasche[🍰] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link