My LTR is starting to push for marriage, should I tell her I have no interest in getting married again?

MartyMcFly7 · 2021-02-16T22:31:57+00:00

If you're in a LTR and this hasn't come up yet, then ya, she deserves to know.

It's fine if you don't want to remarry (and I don't blame you), but she may have other goals for her life.

Mymindisgone217 · 2021-02-16T22:55:23+00:00

This is something that you should have let her know long ago. If she has started to push for it, she entered this relationship in the hopes that it may lead to that. But from what you are saying, you know that there was little to no chance of that happening.

If you truly care for this person, you will let her know that this isn't something that you are wanting. It may end your relationship, but it will give her a chance to find what she is looking for.

Specific-function408 · 2021-02-16T23:33:30+00:00

I’d ask her why she wants to be married. If there’s any actual rational reasoning, then it’s worth listening to. But, and you sound like you already know this, every single thing (besides some tax breaks) are exactly the same, relationship wise, not being married.

Marriage used to be about “holy matrimony” in the eyes of the church / god.., and NOT about tying yourself to the government and her ability to completely destroy your financial investments, or your financial life.

If she wants the rings. Great! Give them to her and you can wear your own to signify you are together forever.

If she wants her last name changed. Great! She can do that very easily enough.

What else is there in “marriage” that she can’t do without being “legally” married as said above? I know the answer. I’m sure you know it too. The difference is once she’s legally married to you, she now has all the rights in the world to devastate your life.

And if this woman doesn’t understand this.., and wants to get married based on putting you behind the 8 ball instead of you 2 signifying your foreverness to each other in ways I said above.., ways that don’t involve tying yourself to her and the gov to destroy your life.., if you being together, wearing rings, changing last name isn’t enough for her..., and she needs that piece of paper to keep going..., that really really really should give you clarity on you no longer being with this person. Because the only reason she couldn’t accept acting like a married couple and promising forever / all facets that goes with that.., it’s simply because she knows that the system is in her favor (legally married speaking), and can be used to destroy you with it.

Quite frankly, if she doesn’t accept wearing rings, promises of forever, changing last names etc. (essentially all a legal marriage is), then you have your real answer on why she wants to get married. You will never get that level of truth out of her though.

Furthermore, most companies allow fiancé’s and SO’s on their insurance plans as well. So she can’t use that one either.

Don’t do it. You know the reasons why. If having “you” isn’t enough for her, then you should already know the reasons why.

_splug · 2021-02-17T00:49:51+00:00

As painful as my divorce was, I have absolutely no problem with thinking of marriage as a business transaction and dealing with it as such. Pre-nup everything you learned in your divorce. - if you have kids this is the schedule - if you separate this is the finances - if you cheat, this is the result - if you divorce you each pay your own legal fees - if you …

But those “ifs” are really just conditional statements. I would get married again if my long term partner and me benefited from doing so. I would not marry out of love, I would live together out of live. I would share my life out of love. But marriage Is strictly business.

Mynewadventures · 2021-02-17T13:49:05+00:00

Why would you plan on keeping that a secret?

WartimeDad · 2021-02-16T22:29:43+00:00

Buy her some crap before you do, and listen to her as she talks about her feelings? Be supportive of her. If that all goes well, you MIGHT get away with broaching the subject. But, idk man I’m bitter af congrats on getting a LTR going after a divorce. Communication is key so you’ll have to talk about how you feel or it’s doomed no matter what. That’s my 2 cents for what it’s worth.

Specific-Function342 · 2021-02-17T19:05:18+00:00

To start,I am a man. Therefore I know that the copout of not getting married due to finances is ridiculous. I have been through a divorce myself. It was difficult financially after,just like most divorces. I got back up on my feet and kept on truckin. To be so rageful about marriage the way God intended (BTW God doesn't make mistakes)and hate women the way you do suggest you are more about quantity than quality. Ergo cheating, adultery, having more than one woman. All the things you said about the ring,name change and pretend wedding is making a mockery of God's law. Dude,think about how insulting that would be to a man or women. It basically means I don't love or care about you enough to give you all of myself by committing to you or insuring your security while with me. Not getting married after years of dating just screams, I'm keeping my options open. What happened to honor and respectability. Not to mention the sheer joy doing the right thing brings to your life.

skaelee · 2021-02-17T05:47:40+00:00

Just be honest with her bro let her know you have no interest in marriage so that she knows what she’s getting into

EedwardGreyRedPen · 2021-02-17T05:38:33+00:00

A discussion long overdue.

cloudburr · 2021-02-17T02:01:43+00:00

Yes. There are other options. You can still have the ceremony, she can change her name etc, just not be legally married, and no one would know but you.

Marriage literally brings nothing to men, but takes a lot away.

dday_throwaway3 · 2021-02-17T12:02:17+00:00

There's zero advantage for a man to marry. In fact, it's all downside.

Title	My LTR is starting to push for marriage, should I tell her I have no interest in getting married again?
Author	thalobby
Upvotes	10
Comments	14
Date	February 16, 2021 10:15 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/llf49e/my_ltr_is_starting_to_push_for_marriage_should_i/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/my-ltr-is-starting-to-push-for-marriage-should-i.817423 https://theredarchive.com/post/817423

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