Why is it acceptable to promote the cutting out the biological father from the child's life?

2020-05-18T19:11:02+00:00

This is why. Basically, a study back in the 80's provided "results" that men are inherently prone to using violence to establish power. Conversely, women cannot commit violence and any violence or assertion of power is only because their significant other hurt them first.

This needs to go away. It's a 35+ year old model that is outdated and needs to go away.

An excerpt from their FAQ:

Why don’t you use gender neutral language to describe domestic violence?

The battering of women by men continues to be a significant social problem–men commit over 85% of all criminal assaults and women are killed 3.5 times more often than men in domestic homicides. Not naming this gender disparity, and the continued underlying social, cultural and institutional structures that support it, keeps us from naming the social problem for what it is. While we do recognize there are cases of domestic violence other than male perpetrated violence against women, even in those cases the perpetrator’s sense of entitlement to control or dominate another remains the predominant cause of violence.

Do women use violence as often as men in intimate relationships?

When women use violence in an intimate relationship, the circumstances of that violence tend to differ from when men use violence. Men’s use of violence against women is learned and reinforced through many social, cultural and institutional experiences. Women’s use of violence does not have the same kind of societal support. Many women who do use violence against their male partners are being battered. Their violence is used primarily to respond to and resist the violence used against them. On the societal level, women’s violence against men has a trivial effect on men compared to the devastating effect of men’s violence against women.

Fhaze1117 · 2020-05-19T17:33:50+00:00

Because whoever has more custody gets more $$. Legislate automatic 50/50 after separation or put an end to child support and see custody battles plummet. It's all about $$. Never really about the kid.

SecondChantzes · 2020-05-18T18:47:30+00:00

I feel that too often this is the default that courts and society falls into all to easily.

jakeup58874 · 2020-05-18T17:47:57+00:00

I can see why they would want to do it where the relationship is abusive, and it may make sense. But I think there should always be attempts to address the relationship, counseling or whatever it may be. Even if it's supervised visitations until the relationship is addressed.

postalmaner · 2020-05-19T15:07:50+00:00

My (extremely good) lawyer made the point of saying "it's expected that during the break down of the relationship there will be some form of conflict, [we wouldn't be at this stage if there wasn't conflict]", that's not abuse, but it could be conflated and exaggerated into "emotional, mental, verbal abuse".

My (okay) lawyer said "why not dad?" as part of a leading question about why cannot dad provide care if the child is in daycare, or is being cared for by others. (I had two lawyers, and had pre-meetings with ~6 total.)

There are some very interesting and depressing stats that come out of family court:

women who try to allege abuse and child alienation lose more often than not I personally would hypothesis that this is because the fathers that actually fought back were highly motivated and well funded. That pre-selects for winning cases.
unwed fathers in my jurisidiction have 8% shared custody. Eight percent. E-i-g-h-t. That's rights to documents, rights to make decisions, rights to be involved. It doesn't get better if you're married: 10 and 16 percent. EDIT: it's slightly better when you take into account sole custody, but not particularly, shared custody should be around 40-45%, with both parents having 10-20% sole due to co-parent issues.

The results of Table 5 confirm what is known based on other data sources: after separation, mothers were given custody of the children in the overwhelming proportion of cases. Close to 80 percent of children under the age of 12 were placed in their mothers' custody in cases where a court order existed. Almost 7 percent were placed in their fathers' custody, and for 13 percent of children, a shared custody arrangement was established.

In my own case, I went up against the unwed father situation against a very high conflict person. The cost was 3 years of a full time job documenting and preparing for court, and working a stressful job fulltime. The dollar cost was $100k. My Christmas vacations were spent preparing for court. I took one vacation during a 4 year period, and that was my sister getting married.

So fathers that are extremely highly motivated and will bankrupt themselves will achieve equality.

And when I mean motivated and "it was the hardest thing I ever did", that is not a joke, and not a "oh, it was hard", or a "look at how hard working I am". I know it took years off my life.

DeletedLastAccount · 2020-05-18T18:29:55+00:00

As with almost anything it's extremely context dependent.

Some children really are better off without one of the parents in the picture.

Sad, but true.

It's too often abused though.

NohoTwoPointOh · 2020-05-18T19:08:22+00:00

Sometimes the bio dad is a piece of shit and it’s way better for a woman to raise a child alone than have the bio dad not show up for their kid. Some bio dads are just spermatozoon donors.

mozerleslie · 2020-05-19T01:06:57+00:00

It’s not.

Knave7575 · 2020-05-18T18:47:47+00:00

Generally, fathers cut themselves out of the child's life by not fighting the mother.

In Canada at least this is changing drastically, and shared custody is rapidly becoming the de facto standard.

Title	Why is it acceptable to promote the cutting out the biological father from the child's life?
Author	life_is_a_trajedy
Upvotes	18
Comments	16
Date	May 18, 2020 5:45 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/gm68rk/why_is_it_acceptable_to_promote_the_cutting_out/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/why-is-it-acceptable-to-promote-the-cutting-out.818214 https://theredarchive.com/post/818214

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