2 months ago we agreed to pursue divorce, right before lock down. Lawyers stopped calling back and I was told to wait it out. 2 weeks ago I called the lawyer back and the asked me to see if she would do mediation. 3 days of her sobbing, screaming, sobbing, screaming, bargaining, crying she said she would call. A week pasts and I ask her again Friday morning. All weekend it's been crying and begging for me to stay. Last night I went to bed after she was asleep and she started reaching over at me across the pillow wall we have "permanently" installed in our bed. I was already uncomfortable laying there and she was trying to initiate sex which made it worse (DB for 5+ years). I told her I was trying to sleep, she stopped. Then started again, I sat up ready to leave and told her to "stop!" She rolled over and was snoring within 5 minutes.

I was so unnerved by this that I got up and went to sleep on the couch (no spare room or anywhere to hide in the house). It took me over 2 hours to calm down and get to sleep. I woke this morning to her sitting in the chair next to the couch. Before I even sit up she starts in on me and asks me why I slept on the couch. I told her it was because she kept touching me and I didn't like it. This really hurt her, saying she hasn't been touched in over 5 years either (yeah, but that was her choice). She said she would sign whatever papers I put together but I that a mediated divorce wasn't going to happen because she won't talk to anyone. She's drawing in and escaping into depression.

We have 4 kids (6 to 14) and I have been staying in the house because I don't want to "abandon" them. I can go stay at my parents which is about 15 minutes away and can take the kids. It's Sunday. I think the more I stay here the more she tries to work it out and the more I have to break her heart again and again. I need to move out but am unsure about leaving the kids with her. I will probably not stay here tonight but do I have to keep living here? For how long? I'm in CA.