Divorce or no

NO_PRND · 2020-04-03T22:24:30+00:00

Stick a fork in it. It's done. Never beg someone to be with you, respect you or love you. Hit her with the paperwork, it's going to suck, you're going to have a year of turmoil. She's going to ask for you to give her second chance. Move on

Don't look at her as the woman you married and spent time with. Look at her for the person she is today.

horndawg828 · 2020-04-03T23:51:22+00:00

Never be second base for anybody Op....

Nonamesfound · 2020-04-04T00:24:00+00:00

“She is still contacting the guy”

???

Dude leave.... fucking drop her.

medic4401 · 2020-04-04T01:17:36+00:00

You have to make that decision. Trust is the foundation of a relationship. You have to ask yourself if you do or can ever trust her again.

NohoTwoPointOh · 2020-04-04T00:10:16+00:00

Are you looking for someone to say ”Yes, you should stay?”

MyNewNormal808 · 2020-04-04T01:28:19+00:00

I'm going to be devils advocate to the other commenters. I'm going through a divorce right now and while it's amicable, it's still hell.

Before you jump into divorce, I think you need to do a few things. 1) Sit down and have a serious conversation with your wife. Let her know that you're not going to be a backup plan and either she's with you or him. Ask her what she wants. If she says she wants out, then move on to the divorce (I've read in a number of places that by time a wife says she wants a divorce, she's had her mind made up for awhile). 2) If she says you want to stay with you. Both of you need to rebuild the trust that has been damaged. That means a) she cuts all contact with the guy, b) both of you know each other's phone unlock codes and both of you can see the other persons photos/texts/emails/apps/etc. at any time. There should be no privacy/secrets between you too at this point. If both of you can't do this, go for divorce. 3) Find out what she is missing from the marriage that she needed to go looking for someone else to get it. I advise friends to read "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. I wish I had read it while I still had a chance to fix my marriage. 4) If you let yourself go physically, fix yourself. I'm now working out, updating my clothes, taking take of my appearance. I ask myself, why didn't I do this for my wife, who was my love? BTW, working out will help you deal with the stress off the situation and if you do get divorced being in shape will help you out. 5) Look into marriage workshops/counseling. ONE WARNING: I had a really bad experience with couples counseling. The guy we used had a Ph.D and all sort of credentials was totally lost and useless. I think he was the nail in coffin for my wife (if he can't figure this out, we must be doomed). Still you need to work on the marriage to make it work.

As I found out too late, marriage is hard. If you don't work for it everyday, it'll fizzle out. You might do everything I said above and still find yourself divorced. Marriage is with two people and while you love her, she may want other things. But, at least you can say you did everything you could to save it. Good Luck to you.

Title	Divorce or no
Author	throwra9on
Upvotes	2
Comments	12
Date	April 3, 2020 10:19 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/fuhtd3/divorce_or_no/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/divorce-or-no.818375 https://theredarchive.com/post/818375

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