This is just me getting it out of my system but of course I would love to hear your feedback.

So long story short yesterday it got very real. The day before I got a consultation with a layer to see what my options were. The next morning my wife informs me that she has already gotten a layer and the paperwork is already started. I had a appointment anyway with my therapist (to deal with the stress of getting the divorce and good time I would say) anyway after the appointment I headed to the bank and closed our joint accounts. She had already taken half the money a few days ago and stuck it in an account I had no access to so I wasn't doing anything more then protecting my half. After that I went back to the layer and paid the retainer. I had to get a loan from my mother but she's happy to help. Kind of sucks asking your mom to help out when your 47 but I'm grateful and its no time to be prideful. I hope I'm doing the right thing with the layer. I wanted mediation but she refused and wanted full custody. I cant imaging being away from my children that much. She has them convinced that joint custody is the worst thing in the world because they don't have a single home and that I'm being an incredibly selfish asshole because I want the joint custody. Its mostly my daughter (9) that's upset but I understand she's mostly scared of the change. We have/had an incredibly good relationship and she was always proud to be a daddies girl. My middle son (15) is a lot more optimistic and I'm actually very proud of how he's dealing with it. My oldest son (22) is a freeloading ass that I cant get out of the house or even do simple choirs. He's adapted and we've never had a good relationship so honest I'm to to worry about him. He'll become my wife's problem soon enough I guess.

I guess that's it for now. I'm sure Ill post allot more over the next year or so as NC has stupid archaic divorce lays and it takes forever to get anything done in this state.

Again I really could use advice and some positivity right now. I'm trying to keep it together but after 20 years of marriage its a scary thing to end it.