Hey fellas...

I’m really sad. Crushed. My sweet, sweet wife with whom I’ve lifted up from nothing and built a beautiful story and home with has suddenly taken a hard turn and contaminated our marriage with all sorts of lies and cruel manipulations. It’s psychopathic, in a way.

She was not like that. We were not long ago very much in love, completely mellow and trusting and just you know... healthy and connected! Disagreements, arguments etc? Yes, but our love was pure and honest, and we spoke about it frequently and treasured it.

Now I’ve learned that recently she has been using her knowledge of me and my love for taking care of her to get her in and out of a variety of situations through the most absurd and goodwill-abusing lies, all made and supported by her girlfriends.

When I met her she was a cocaine addict and I tenderly and slowly eased her out of it. She had been sober for 3 years untill now.

I’m not the jealous type. When she says she is going out I always tell her to take care and be responsible. A few months ago she told me she no longer even drinks anymore.

Turns out she does drink, smoke weed, and use MDMA. I know for a fact that she has used MDMA at least 4 times this past week. That’s also 4 nights away from home by the way.

I can’t even begin to tell you about all the lies. I know for a fact because I gained access to her messages and can see her plotting with her friends, and laughing and my obliviousness.

Right this moment she is out and high and I have strong evidence that points to her being in bed with another just this very moment

All the while, she’s been treating me like some kind of dog. I’m the last preocupation on her mind. I’m not sure why she even bothers putting up a façade.

I’m crushed, destroyed. All that is on my mind right now is divorce, but out situation is complicated - I don’t have the resources to move out right now.

I’d like to look forward to the future, but I don’t know if I will ever be able to recuperate from this betrayal. How can I love or trust someone ever again? I think most of us never do recuperate from this... we just learn to live with jt.

She didn’t need to do it like this. She poisoned our memory well. She made it so that there will be no way for us to support each other during divorce. It will be awkward and detached and miserable... for me at least. Looks like I don’t have any value to her anymore.

Once sweet cuddly and devoted, she’s now cold indifferent and manipulative. She’s relapsed. Its the drugs taking over, I know. She’s transformed into another person so quickly, the pain from such desilusion is nightmarish.

I’m sorry for this unstructured / confusing post.! I’m not sure what I’m looking for posting this on the internet. I think I’m looking for support & advice. I’m so sad and confused and... my worst nightmare come true...