35 yr old with 4 kids - stuck in no win situation

D3ltaV1ctor · 2019-06-04T10:46:22+00:00

Don't leave, talk to a lawyer. I saw a post here a few weeks ago that said that we should see a failed marriage like a failed business deal, and that couldn't be better said. Look for your right and don't fall on the traps that she is setting for you.

Talk to a therapist as well. Accept that you just can control yourself. How you act and how you react. Make decisions based on what is better for you and your kids, and be in peace with yourself.

I am going through a somewhat similar situation, and after accepting going through the pain I feel a lot better and at peace, knowing that now I own my destinity and will have closure. Good luck!

Ebon13 · 2019-06-04T11:41:55+00:00

Don't let her guilt you into leaving (especially, with some "that's what a man does BS"), it's a trap! Leaving will reflect poorly on you in the long run, even if you had the best intentions. I can tell you from experience that co-habitating after the divorce gauntlet has been thrown is a nightmare, but until the papers are finalized, don't do anything that will count against you. Her refusal to look for work is already a strike against her, so just keep letting her dig her own grave. Document everything from text messages, finances, and behavior patterns. Seek legal aid, even if she can't do the same. In the end, what's most important is that you keep as much of this away from the kids as possible. If she's acting angrily, don't follow her down that road, and don't badmouth her to your children. Since the house belongs to your parents, they are in their right to throw her out, but don't press that option until you have a clear plan for the kids. Keep your head up, don't back down, and remember what you're worth. Your STBX sounds like she just wants to be taken care of and not take care of business.

JohnnyMnemo · 2019-06-04T13:35:48+00:00

“It’s what a man does” lol

She no longer has anything credibility on those kinds of assessments of character, what’s right or wrong, or anything like it.

All of that you simply ignore. She can think whatever she thinks, but you own your reaction. Do you want to leave? No? Then don’t. Do what’s right and works for you.

LMDINC · 2019-06-04T13:28:09+00:00

Dude do not leave. I am 6 months in to her asking for divorce I didn’t leave. We finally. Came with a agreement for her to buy me out from 1/2 equity and pay for some Of our debt that is in my name.

If I told you how many times I heard one of the manipulative comments like that.

-That’s what men do.
-What men makes mother of her kids pay him out.
-How can you be like this you showing your true colors.

She also brought up child support over my head few times. . “That we not even doing that blah blah “ Which last time I stoped her and said do you really want to see : When our #s in that she already had on paper. Guess what happened. she end up Owing me 350$. Lol. We be doing 50/50. Tell her this is not 1970s or 80s.

I said don’t bring that up over my head or we will just go ahead and file. It then

Edit : Now in your case it’s little hard because you will have to more likely pay her support or something.
But you can negotiate the house. In really worst case. Judge make ya sell it and split equity. Base in May other things.

I believe if someone ask for divorce. They can feel free to leave.

owensketch · 2019-06-04T15:04:43+00:00

At least the home isn't in your name (but instead YOUR mom's). Do not leave. If she wants to leave the relationship, she can leave the home. You need to become the homemaker and prepare for joint/shared custody. Be ready to figure out pickup/dropoff and aftercare as required. Do not leave the home, it is your childhood home, and she has no right to it. Get a separate bank account, and pay the mortgage and any other debts from your personal accounts. Go see a lawyer asap. Get a good one

streetsmartwallaby · 2019-06-04T21:28:51+00:00

Look up “grey rock” - basically you completely ignore her unless she asks you a specific and necessary question (her: “child is doing “x” - can you get them at park”? You: “yes”) or you have a specific and necessary question for her.

Do not let her make you angry. The cooler you stay the madder she’ll get.

Edit: I can’t type...

ArtisticQuality · 2019-06-04T18:11:07+00:00

Not experienced here, just going through something related but not similar.

However, it seems to me she is the one breaking the agreement. If you didn't cheat, if you didn't ask to end it, then why are you being kicked out of your life, your home, away from your children. That's BS. If she wants a change in circumstances she can leave. It's not up to you to make it easy or convenient for her to dump you and ruin your life.

I'd repeat what everyone else is saying. Stay in your home, stay with your kids. Keep it as conflict-free as you can make it, but don't give in to BS requests. And start preparing for what comes next.

SUEDE2BLACK · 2019-06-04T21:41:05+00:00

If it's your child hood home and your mom's house she's the one who should leave.

At any rate get your own space in the house take care of the kids be nice to them.

Record all conversations with the wife.Dont let her bait you into arguments or hitting her.

Stay the fuck away from her at all cost.If sge wants to things with the kids ypu object to send her a txt or email.Keep a record of all correspondence and what you spend.

Cease all verbal communication with her.

Keep your emotions in check women are master manipulators and have higher emotional IQ's than men she will try and bait you into illogical meaningless arguments or hitting her our doing something else detrimental to you.

Don't engage in back and fourth txt arguments either.Say your peace and leave it at that.

From know on your wife doesn't exist so nothing she does matters.The only way you can win is complete ignorance of her.Dont fight fire with fire,fight it with a cold dark vacum.

Leave the rest up to your attorney.

theoracleofosiris · 2019-06-04T22:00:20+00:00

You pay for the place you stay. Tell her to go to her mother’s.

My god what an entitled bloodsucking cunt.

twaswhatsheproclaims · 2019-06-04T22:56:10+00:00

Don’t leave. Consult a law firm that specializes in fathers rights. You will get fucked sideways about seeing them and paying child support/alimony if she wants you to be.

See a therapist, because divorce is made particularly awful by difficult people.

She can leave, and figure out her life. Meanwhile, you can have primary custody so she doesn’t have to complain about what a hardship that is, and doesn’t need to hold the children hostage to get you to pay more.

JamTySalg · 2019-06-05T02:55:02+00:00

I love each and everyone of you for your support and (mostly) kind words and good advice. Saw my lawyer today. Response filed and “bible” prepped...stay tuned for the fireworks...this B*tch is going to be HOT!

-Not So Stuck No Mo

2019-06-04T20:36:46+00:00

Don't leave. Be ready to be on the hool for alimony and child support. Good luck but do not leave and try to keep the peace for the kids sake.

b757pilot · 2019-06-05T02:06:20+00:00

Don't leave. I will be moving into the spare bedroom in a few days. (waiting for kids to finish exams). At that point we will be effectively roommates. she needs to work but looking for ideal situation. Ill live my life as if I'm single till she finds a job with ins etc. it hurt but it is what it is.

JamTySalg · 2019-06-22T22:47:06+00:00

Update...this morning, because I wouldn’t give her the password to our second computer (got a second laptop after she destroyed first and while I was having it repaired) because she got a virus on it and wants to reset it. I still have thousands of pics and other things i have not been able to remove as she won’t let me have it for a bit (“what do you need with?”). Delved into name calling and mud slinging which ended with her telling me our youngest child isn’t mine. HAHA! This keeps getting better and I know it’s not true, but fuck this chick!

Title	35 yr old with 4 kids - stuck in no win situation
Author	JamTySalg
Upvotes	16
Comments	16
Date	June 4, 2019 9:24 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/bwmozm/35_yr_old_with_4_kids_stuck_in_no_win_situation/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/35-yr-old-with-4-kids-stuck-in-no-win-situation.819494 https://theredarchive.com/post/819494

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