How to be social after years of being a shy anti-social blue pill?

Occams_Stubble · 2017-02-07T18:59:12+00:00

You have to keep putting yourself into social situations until a) it gets easy for you; and b) you develop a group of friends.

Go on Meetup.com, check local Facebook social "what's going on" pages, join a sports group (e.g. go jogging once a week), etc.

Read some books about social skills, like How To Win Friends And Influence People and stuff about personalities. These books will give you an easy to grasp foundation that you can build on through experience.

Be prepared to be in it for the long haul and to bounce back from some awkward situations. This will take months at the least. But, just like lifting makes you stronger, doing this will improve your social life if you keep at it.

smellyflamingo · 2017-02-07T19:19:39+00:00

Hey I was in the same spot as you about 2 years ago, I am now graduating this semester as well but things have very much changed for the better.

Everything you described in your post was basically me. Smoking weed/anti social, fit and good looking however but still had a hard time making friends.

STOP SMOKING WEED I used to burn every day for like two years, I didn't realize how big of an impact it had on my life until I quit. I haven't looked back since. It has helped me so much. Don't listen to the faggots at /r/trees, weed isn't the miracle drug it seems. It made my social skills much worse in hindsight.

I never had a social circle, it was difficult to talk to new people and such, thought it would stay like this since I wasn't very outgoing (still aren't to be honest). I see you don't have social media, I have FB/Insta/Snap however they aren't that important for a social circle, but they do make it a bit easier. It might be better with women if you don't have social media, it makes you more mysterious (they'll assume the best and not that you're some loser with no friends, so a positive).

You need to find hobbies, something you are really passionate about and can share experiences with other people, the gym isn't enough cause you should only be going there to work out and focus on yourself and not meet people.

You need to find a way to break out of your shell, find something you really like and do that with other people. Go to some parties this last semester and just talk to people, don't give a fuck, if they aren't receptive find other people, but most people generally are. Some people live interesting lives and have create stories to share, and people love to talk about themselves. Honestly you never know who you'll meet next, there have been so many people I have met just on random occasions who then turned out to then become close friends and people who I ran into a lot.

I first broke out of my shell with an introduction into the electronic music scene two years ago, something I am very much into now. I skipped the surface level big room "banger" festivals and dove right into underground house and techno, and have met so many people because of this. I have found that people in this part of the scene and incredibly passionate about dance music. Drugs were a small part of it but I think they helped me really develop my social skills as they helped me bond with other people while we were out and listening to music we love. So many incredible nights with so many incredible people.

Although this in itself isn't pretty glorious and some of the people I associated with and done things could said to be degenerate by certain standards, it got me over my social anxiety and communicating with people. I am not scared of talking to people and fear of rejection is much less.

This introduction in my second year, and I have made big strides since then. In my past few semesters I have found it has been easier to talk to people in my class, random people at the bar or just people I see on campus. Over time this builds up and you feel more confident, and social circle slowly begins to expand.

What I used to think about to help me get out of this is that, I am a single person, of 7 billion on this fucking random rock in the some random spot of this unbelievable large universe. No one really cares about me, I'm going to be dead soon. Just go out and do stuff that takes you out of your comfort zone.

TLDR: Find hobbies that you can do and BOND with other people, for me it was drugs and electronic music. Maybe not the best but it helped me break out of my anti-social shell and helped me develop an IDGAF attitude and am no longer the good looking autistic loser I was. Talk to new people, don't give a fuck and overtime it'll get easier and easier. Sign up for a cooking class, rock climbing, go to the bar with just one friend or a few and just talk to people. And LIFT MORE, I don't think 3x a week is enough, should be at least 5.

YOU have to reach out though at the beginning, meet one group, that group will introduce you to another and it will cascade. If you're still in college go to some parties man, it's probably the easiest. Don't give a fuck and introduce yourself to everyone. Get that ball rolling son.

Thunder_banger · 2017-02-07T21:58:43+00:00

This might be a controversial answer, but I say selectively, do drugs. Hear me out. You've been such a one dimensional character for so long, it will take many months for any noticable changes to happen, but if you take something to let you know what different versions of you would feel like, act like, prices of them get ingrained in your character. Avoid addictive substances. Try MDMA, LSD, shrooms, in that order. Obviously I'm offering anecdotal evidence so take it with a grain of salt, but that's what worked great for me.

[deleted] · 2017-02-08T14:08:07+00:00

Get a hospitality job.

Nyrxmajor · 2017-02-07T18:53:36+00:00

Fortunately you are still young in terms of swallowing the red pill. For a social circle I recommend just talking to people more maybe in your classes try to form a study group and ask them if they want to go for drinks after an exam maybe you become close with one or two people and they can introduce you to others. Also try to talk to people from work a lot of times companies will do activities after work like happy hours try to participate. Additionally go out there and talk to women even if they reject you at first at least it's good practice and some may even find you attractive enough to go home with you. Again it all starts with talking to people don't be creepy about it but just start with small talk and go from there.

[deleted] · 2017-02-07T18:58:07+00:00

Dance class

PepelePeaux · 2017-02-07T19:04:42+00:00

Put yourself out there. Activities and keep growing

InfiniteAscent · 2017-02-07T19:42:22+00:00

I've been talking to strangers. I started at the bar, since I'd go there weekly when my wife took the kid for activities. Go ahead and talk to the guy who is more socially awkward than you if you need practice - he's actually not that bad if you just realize he's got his own issues and you're not trying to make him your friend. Talk to other men - there's always 2 guys at the bar that know each other and are hanging around for some reason. Talk to couples - I prefer to engage the woman first, but go ahead and include her husband, remember you're not trying to pick her up, you're practicing conversation. If you're really ambitious talk to some women, but keep OI and IDGAF in the forefront of your mind - don't even try to pick them up, just have a conversation. Practice, practice practice. And here's a super simple conversation starter - after a woman spends 5 minutes staring down at her phone ask "is there anything good in there?" It's as benign and neutral as can be. But try to find simple openings that work for you and are tailored to the situation. Most people at the bar are very IDGAF and will chat about whatever if you're not creepy.

Rumzdizzle · 2017-02-07T21:42:42+00:00

Don't smoke weed... it cripples your social life

Kalidane · 2017-02-08T02:39:41+00:00

Baby steps.

Having a stoner contact is handy but ya can't spend a lot of time in that scene.

Say self amusing stuff to girls who can't escape. Anyone behind the cash register. Age doesn't even matter. You'll learn what gets a genuine laugh from them. If you are growing your frame and genuinely amuse yourself, they should go along for the ride.

It can involve learning to turn off the inner monologue. He has nothing helpful to say anyway.

TheRedStoic · 2017-02-08T13:09:37+00:00

The short of it?

Practice. You have to go be social. It'll be awkward. It'll hurt. But you'll learn and build thick skin. Just remember anyone who isn't interested is simply missing out on you. It's OK.

Of course, while doing this you should be improving yourself, lift, diet, educate yourself, make money. Done.

I'm sorry OP, I realize this is so much easier said than done. But you can do it, worse off starters have, so can you.

stephcurrythrowaway · 2017-02-08T20:07:54+00:00

I'm in a similar boat. Sophomore in college. Took a semester off last semester and now trying to red pill more. But dude the other day I went up to a girl and talked to her and although it was nerve wrecking I had a decent 5 minute convo. The next day in class I sat down by a different girl and talking to her just came out naturally. I didnt want to sleep with this girl and we were talking about a quiz in class etc and this is probably some simple shit but I'm realizing the more I talk to girls/flirt the easier it is.

Stephen curry shoots a fucking ton of shots. He's a great shooter.

The more money you make the easier it is to make money(more options)

The more girls you talk and flirt with the better you get.

Simple

DiggerClam · 2017-02-07T19:04:45+00:00

Goodlookingloser.com - Approach Anxiety Program

Title	How to be social after years of being a shy anti-social blue pill?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	27
Comments	27
Date	February 7, 2017 6:08 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/5smzbe/how_to_be_social_after_years_of_being_a_shy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-to-be-social-after-years-of-being-a-shy-anti.82130 https://theredarchive.com/post/82130

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