I've been lurking here on my main account for a while- I don't contribute, I just read, because as I've said, I'm not sure if TRP is right for me. I have a couple big "issues" I'd like some feedback on, and after mulling it over for a few days I finally got the courage to just ask about them.

First is religion. I'm a pagan- I guess I'm "active-" I have an altar for rituals and that type of thing. My philosophy boils down to men and women being equals and balanced, but where the males have dominating qualities and the females have submissive qualities, and that's how I was drawn to TRP as a sexual strategy, it fits and makes sense. And I know that my boyfriend/husband wouldn't be able to outright control what I do, but if he wasn't fond of my religious practices, would it be considered alpha to condition me against it? I hope that question makes sense, I can't really think of a better way to phrase it.

Second has to do with sex. And this really isn't an easy thing for me to talk about, but, I was molested at a very young age by my father-figure. I didn't even know what sex was, so I can't say I was guilty for any of it at all (Not that I necessarily think you guys will say otherwise, it's just hard to separate the hamsters with poor choices and the women who actually do get abused. It's also easier to talk about this behind the anonymity of a computer screen with people who don't know me.) after my mother found out, instead of educating me on what happened and the birds and the bees, she just said he was a "bad man" and moved me away from him. Not having any information on sex, I let (yes, I let) another man have sex with me. He was, I don't know, 40 or something. I was nine, still not knowing really anything about sex except that it felt good. I never told my parents, to this day they have no idea about it, and I never will tell them. They have no reason to know.

The first occurrence (young age, molestation) I know I cannot be blamed for. I was something like 3 or 4 years old. The second occurrence I'm not so sure about. I was older, but I never put a stop to it, I even encouraged it. I never had a proper sex talk until I was 14. I'm just so torn about it.

Do these bad events still diminish my value? If they do, is there anything I can do to... I don't know, make up for it, besides just trying to remain AVAP and following other RP techniques to being a better woman? When would be an appropriate time to tell my RP boyfriend/husband about these events? Should I at all?

Thanks in advance for reading this long wall of text.