What constitutes nagging

TempestTcup · 2014-05-13T17:22:47+00:00

I think it encompasses tone, repetition, and a little passive aggression. I sometimes catch myself nagging when it is something I can't do myself and if it is something really annoying like a loud noise from my otherwise safe and well-running car.

I try to plainly state what needs fixing in as few words as possible and then try to put it out of my mind. When it is fixed I enthusiastically thank him!

sugarcrush · 2014-05-13T19:14:07+00:00

Evolution of Nagging:

(tone: polite, friendly): Hey, can you take the trash out when you have a minute? Thanks.

(tone: still polite, maybe a little less warm) Can you take the trash out please?

(tone: a little annoyed and urgent) Can you take the trash out now??

(tone: screechy) Can't you just take the trash out already?!?! I don't understand what's taking so long?? Like why can't you just do it already, how many times do I have to ask??? Blah blah blah rant rant rant... other person stopped listening a long time ago.

ColdEiric · 2014-05-13T18:31:30+00:00

When you stop listening. Your 'Asking' will be considered 'Nagging' by men, whenever you're too busy to listen. Men don't talk as much as women do, and when you fill the silence with your own talk, men will not talk, men can't talk, and they will start smiling and agreeing, hoping the women will stop talking. If you haven't got the time to listen to the few words he might say, then you are nagging.

So just pay attention, and he will not think you're nagging whenever you talk. Because if you take the time to listen, whatever you say will be relevant to what he is thinking about. And he will be grateful that he has a woman who is worth keeping.

Noressa · 2014-05-13T17:16:37+00:00

We never let it get to the point where nagging can happen. I handle things. if I need help, I ask. If it becomes too much we have backup plans set up to ease the burden on the both of us. Not worth the lack of harmony good communication and planning can prevent.

p3ndulum · 2014-05-14T03:34:06+00:00

When you have to ask more than once for him to do something you could have done yourself, but just don't want to.

The "take the trash out" example; she could have very well taken the trash out even before she asked, but, instead, she tried to remote-control her man to do it for her.

So if you can do it yourself and find yourself repeatedly having to ask someone else to do it, you're probably nagging.

scallopkid · 2014-05-13T18:45:02+00:00

No matter how annoyingly you ask I don't think you can call it nagging unless you do it more than once. I think it also involves continuing to ask in the same way when though you aren't getting them to do what you want.

When I ask my boyfriend to something for me he usually just does it because either he sees how it makes sense/benefits him (like if I ask him to help me carry my stuff he does it so that he doesn't have to wait for me to make two trips) or because I ask nicely. I think a lot of nagging is commanding disguised as asking. It's irritating because it's phrased as a request but he knows you are telling him what to do. So I try to ask in a way that he knows he can say no.

For bigger things you can try explaining why it's important to you. If you think he might blow it off its better to do this when you first ask than to bring it up again. Avoid telling him you want him to do it, focus on why you want it done and how happy/relieved you'll be once it's done.

Bakerofpie · 2014-05-13T22:35:09+00:00

You want the in depth analysis? Cause nagging can be brought on by both the nagger and the naggeeeeeee. It doesn't really matter what the subject is. Nagging only happens in relationships where boundaries are not clearly defined in my opinion. I think redpill helps outline these roles really well but there are always gray areas. Does that make someone mature if they don't nag? No, nagging is just a way people cope with a problem just like bottling up. It is a litmus test. It is his fault that he doesn't listen when you have effectively communicated but it is your fault when you start nagging for responsibilities well within your reach.

DevilishRogue · 2014-05-14T09:53:23+00:00

"If I said I'll do something, I'll do it. You don't need to keep reminding me every six months!"

[deleted] · 2014-05-14T00:22:36+00:00

[permanently deleted]

boydeer · 2014-05-13T21:45:25+00:00

i think it's a combination of stuff, as other commenters point out. part of it is when you ask. if you always ask him to remember to do something at inopportune times or when he's busy thinking about something else, it creates a situation where you have to ask repeatedly, which gets frustrating for both people.

MrsKittenHeel · 2014-05-13T22:25:46+00:00

I think you can nag even if you say it once in a petulant tone.

Bakerofpie · 2014-05-13T23:56:05+00:00

A lot of nagging comes from the tone and body language used. If you're expressing annoyance in any way, it's nagging. Even more so if you have to ask over and over again. Even if it's in a sweet tone, it becomes nagging.

I find an easy way to get around nagging (even nagging yourself) is to create a to-do list that you can both see (like on a white board). Add things that need to get done to the list (after asking about them, of course) and then remove them as they're finished. It gives you both a sense of accomplishment when something is done, and it keeps you from having to nag because the reminder is already there.

StingrayVC · 2014-05-14T16:59:51+00:00

Ask him how he would like you to handle a situation like this. Sometimes men forget to do things (we all do). If you ever forget to do something that I can't do, how should I go about reminding you in a way that won't nag you?

scallopkid · 2014-05-13T17:43:24+00:00

Anything that focuses on problems and not solutions. That would rather dwell in a failure instead of planning for success.

eg: that window keeps leaking. I really need it fixed. Vs: I noticed the window leaking, here are some ideas I have for taking care of it. What do you want to do about it?

Title	What constitutes nagging
Author	Bakerofpie
Upvotes	13
Comments	34
Date	May 13, 2014 5:10 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/25goaz/what_constitutes_nagging/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/what-constitutes-nagging.84489 https://theredarchive.com/post/84489

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