Field report - Don't badmouth your SO to your friends or family

TempestTcup · 2014-06-30T07:09:40+00:00

[permanently deleted]

2014-06-30T03:28:54+00:00

Thank you for sharing, you raised some excellent points.

I have a few friends that will go from praising their SO publicly to demeaning them in similar manner. It's always harder for me to take a relationship seriously when everything is either sunshine and lollipops or the end of the world.

I try to be very mindful of what I say, how I say it, and the audience I choose. This is especially important when it comes to family. If you make idle complaints about your SO to your parents - they will either see your criticisms as childish/minor (reinforcing their perception that you're not mature enough to pick a good partner or make a long-term relationship work) or they'll start to form a negative impression of your SO (which isn't any good either).

When you complain about your SO, you don't only diminish their reputation, you harm your own as well.

Engineergirl22 · 2014-06-30T04:01:43+00:00

This is something that I am trying to be more mindful of, realizing that my words can hurt my relationship even if I am saying them in jest.

weaintthatdumb · 2014-06-30T04:21:48+00:00

I've never understood women who do that. My mother was THE WORST growing up. She painted my father as the most horrible person in the world, even more after they divorced. Meanwhile, she was the toxic person in the family, my daddy was just trying to be the best father he could despite her actions. I love his current wife, who I affectionately call my mama, since my biological mother doesn't speak to me anymore.

But ANYWAY...yes...I've never been comfortable around women who badmouth their SO's, especially in front of them. In the end, all they're doing is making themselves look bad. Because if that person is so terrible, why are you even with them in the first place??

2014-06-30T03:21:40+00:00

L seems like she wasn't that great of a friend anyway for telling G all of that. Good example of why you shouldn't bad mouth your spouse and in general be careful what you say because you never know who will spill the beans if you have a fallout.

a_killa_kitty · 2014-06-30T05:05:36+00:00

That is the nastiest most could hearted thing I've ever heard of. That women ruined a wedding. For what? Huge life lesson learned.

Edit: my step daughters mother badmouths her husband to us. Just last week " the only tool he has is probably a nail file" I almost threw up. You have 1 damn teammate. 1. If you want to be a gossip that's the 1 person you don't talk bad about. My lord.

KyfhoMyoba · 2014-06-30T09:56:21+00:00

I have a "friend" (we grew up together but never hang out any more) who is getting married next summer. A few weeks ago, she posted a status on Facebook that said, "I'm going to kill (fiance's name)! At this rate, I'll be planning a funeral next year instead of a wedding!" She even linked his name to the post so it would show up on his page. Classy! It's not even like she vented but then quickly deleted it. It's still there! And everyone who commented said something to the effect of, "uh oh, someone's in the dog house!"

I'm sure their marriage will be a happy one. Not!

Frankenoodle · 2014-06-30T14:12:52+00:00

Oh lord.

This is one of the reasons i never join in the hubby-bashing. First, I don't want to bash him, he's a great guy and even if we have a fight, it's not like my love and admiration go anywhere. Second, it makes your friends look upon your SO with disapproval, and third, it can bite you in the ass so hard.

This woman's 'friend' is awful but she really did bring this upon herself. And also, if she has so many issues with his ambition and sexual performance, why is she marrying him in the first place? Sigh.

Happy times in the 'modern' romance department.

2014-06-30T18:35:37+00:00

Try not to bad mouth anybody. When I hear someone talk shit about her friends, co-workers, or acquaintances, I wonder what she says about me when I am not around. It is far worse when you talk shit about your significant other, because I'll think that nobody is off limits then. While these stories get a great response (ex: everybody laughs and seemingly has a good time), they actually damage your relationships with people because everybody becomes a little paranoid at you.

For example, some girls are always telling stories such as "my co-worker Bob was hitting on my at work, he is so disgusting, he is fat and awkward". Men typically have very negative reactions to these stories, but they just don't show it. They are turned off by brag-plaining and they think lowly of women publicly trashing some random guy (every man has made approaches and been rejected before, so it is understandable why they don't like this behavior). An analogy would be two frat boys talking about how a fat girl was into one of them and then following it up with a series of fat jokes and how awful she is for being fat. While entertaining for the two frat boys, women generally have negative reactions to that type of behavior.

jzerocoolj · 2014-06-30T21:57:20+00:00

Sounds like L is a conniving bitch that wants to die alone.

A was in the wrong to say that stuff but L is clearly not the caliber of friend you'd expect for A to have told her all of those things in confidence.

If I were a member of the wedding party, I'd be civil with L but avoid direct communication at all cost. I'd kill her presence in my Monkey Sphere.

squishles · 2014-06-30T18:10:21+00:00

I'd hesitate to file him under beta. He might just not give a fuck; they're not his friends/family. He doesn't need their permission to take her. It's not a smart position for him in the long run, but smart's not necessarily a requirement to keep her attracted.

She's making a fucked position for maintaining her own attraction to him though. If the only story everyone in her life gets is he's a shit; they're all going to try to get her away from the shit. As good friends/family should. Unless she's crazy, some crazy thrives on that narrative; still retarded to stick your dick in, much less marry. Too much stress.

H2Crisco · 2014-07-01T00:12:00+00:00

This is can't be anymore true! I have recently seen extreme turmoil erupt between my friends who are now filing for divorce because of it. She would constantly badmouth her (ex)husband to anyone who could hear. It would happen so often that her mother and stepfather grew to resent her husband to the point of paying for the divorce.

I will say that in my younger days (i'm only 22) i used to do it but I was fresh out of high school and didn't know any better thanks to public school education making it seem funny to do that kind of thing. I couldn't have been more wrong.

sierrasecho · 2014-06-30T16:21:57+00:00

The fiancee was stupid to discuss such details with a girlfriend. But what got me with this story was the friends reaction afterwards. Petty and malicious. Let me guess, L is single? I could never be friends with someone who is so petty and vengeful. Not to be trusted. Oy.

KyfhoMyoba · 2014-07-06T00:13:21+00:00

Male here. Sounds like 'G' dodged a bullet.

He should send a thank you bouquet to 'L'.

Agent_Elle · 2014-06-30T15:39:59+00:00

Then where are you supposed to get support for your relationship problems? Who are you supposed to go to (other than RPW of course, but what about in real life). Everyone has issues they want to improve in their relationship but some people will see these as complaints. When I'm having a hard time I feel like there's no one I can talk to bc I don't want any of my family/friends I just take my side and think my BF is in the wrong which could cloud their opinion of him and create negative judgements. But it's hard feeling like there is no one I can talk to about my relationship :(

Title	Field report - Don't badmouth your SO to your friends or family
Author	MrsKittenHeel
Upvotes	23
Comments	32
Date	June 30, 2014 3:13 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/29fypv/field_report_dont_badmouth_your_so_to_your/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/field-report-dont-badmouth-your-so-to-your-friends.84651 https://theredarchive.com/post/84651

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