Help me RPW

MeowZedong- · 2014-09-14T07:44:59+00:00

Someone a while ago posted a nice "technique" that I try to follow. It was something similar to, if you're husband is driving and youre the passenger, do you trust him? If we are in a situation where I try to take control or panic I picture us in our car with him driving and me napping/having my eyes closed. He is in total control taking the lead and I'm here for the ride. This is totally cheesy but I found little tricks like this help keep me together.

gabilromariz · 2014-09-14T11:12:33+00:00

Are your panic attacks related to you not trusting your man? If they aren't you can try what I did. I sometimes get anxious if I'm not in control of things but I trust my BF fully. I just go up to him and say something like: "Situation x is making me a bit anxious, can we cuddle a little?" and no matter where we are I get a tight hug and a little hair scratch until I can calm down.

If your panic is related to having trouble trusting him what I do is try to have him tell me his plan so I know what's on his mind. Something like: "What do you think we should do?" or "I'm getting worried about X. What do you think?". In a while you'll be better at trusting even without knowing his plan/idea.

Another good thing is looking at this post so you can repeat the acronym in your head (RYSPEP) to make sure you're checking all the boxes of being good wife material

margerym · 2014-09-16T15:19:47+00:00

Panic attacks are a fairly extreme reaction to simple distrust. I don't think that was the issue at all. There are things I simply cannot do whether or not my husband is with me or leading and he is aware of them. I can't do them for a variety of reasons- I have certain phobias, anxiety, etc. Though he shouldn't take it personally of course it can be taken personally. It's important to explain the situation and how you are feeling in clear words (don't make him guess!). The "it's not you, it's me" speech is applicable here "It's not about your leadership it's about this crappy reaction I have to X".

I don't think he really failed here, either. He saw help was needed and got you help. Sure, you can frame it the way you did but him helping you when you needed help is just as clear here.

Deep trust doesn't happen overnight. You need to be easier on yourself and him with this. Build on it, don't expect it all to happen right this minute!

(Pressed submit too soon, sorry) Talk to him about what exactly made you so scared that you had a panic attack. Because "I didn't trust you" is not the real issue here. What did you not trust him to do? To save you from? What were you so afraid of to begin with? Was it the fear of being lost? Of the dangers of the trail? What was going through your head? We're allowed to be scared and worried as wives. When I have times where I get really fearful I openly discuss it with my husband in clear words. Say we're on our way to a new destination and I think we may be lost and running out of gas: "I need you to reassure me that you know where you are going and that we will make it there on time" My husband knows me, knows I am a worry wart. If I come at him with "We're lost! Do you even know where we are going?!" I'm lashing out instead of taking on the real issue- that I'm worried and need reassurance. So, instead, I try to be just very open and honest with him without lashing out but first and foremost I have to be honest with myself.

Lady_Motido · 2014-09-14T17:14:51+00:00

The first thing you should do is let him know how sorry you are for not trusting in him. Make sure he understands that you are telling him you were wrong for acting that way. Don't let your pride get in the way of apologizing when you know you did something stupid or downright wrong.

I did something similar in our first year of marriage. My husband and his buddy went out on a hike in a somewhat dangerous area and when they did not return by the time they said they would I started to panic a little so I called his buddy's wife. She came over and from there we fed on each other's panic until we both decided we would call search and rescue...such a bad, bad decision! My husband was not amused one iota! His new rule from then on was to give him 2 days after the time he said he would return before freaking out. I really should have known better because he is an avid outdoorsman and survival enthusiast, but we all make mistakes and hopefully learn from them ;)

You know that your man would not place you in harms way correct? When you start panicking think about that and if you still need reassurance let him know that you are scared or anxious, not that he is making you scared or anxious but that you are being silly and cannot seem to get over it for whatever reason. Let him take care of you and make you feel safe and let him joke and tease you about it, you've already experienced the alternative to this.

Title	Help me RPW
Author	hj1994
Upvotes	7
Comments	12
Date	September 14, 2014 5:11 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/2gck0e/help_me_rpw/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/help-me-rpw.84880 https://theredarchive.com/post/84880

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