Do men get resentful having a woman be a SAHM?

vintagegirlgame · 2014-10-26T15:26:23+00:00

I think they become resentful of supporting fat, lazy, disrespectful women who don't pull their weight

MagicGainbow · 2014-10-26T12:32:48+00:00

Nope only the reverse is true, ask most guys and it's pretty much the default assumption in their head that they will be the breadwinner.

The only sahm hate I see is from feminists and women that are jealous.

squirrelcuisine · 2014-10-26T15:46:24+00:00

So let me give you the counter point. Im 40+ been married 19 years this week to ONE woman who is 100% rp but said the same thing (also have 2 kids and NO one to help us with the kids)

"i feel like I should work" <-- I remember her saying that early on

My wife just started volunteering at the grade school. I love it. for the first 16 years she didnt. She stopped working as an accountant right after my son was born. Here is my take on it.

Im supposed to be the guy that goes out and makes the money. If Im not getting that done I am failing.. AND I need to figure out something else. My job is to make it so you can take care of our kids not go out and work making someone else richer. I DONT expect my wife to work full time in fact I look down on the guys that do. My brother in law has a 50k a year job and his wife HAS to go to work because they bought 2 40k cars and live in a 400k house. I look at him and think he is tool. If my wife has to go out and work at some low paying job and give her life away for some pittance. I am not taking care of her or my family. That is how I see it. The guys that "expect" their women to work I actually cant stand them. They failed and they want YOU to carry the burden with them. Going to work sucks. They know it. EVERYONE knows it.

I think you have been misled. There is nothing wrong with being a SAHM mom IN FACT it is the most important job there is. Let that sentence sink in for a minute. You know it is true already but you have been told you need to get out there and earn your own money and "be independent" right??

What I go out and do in the workforce doesnt matter 2 weeks from now. What you do resonates into eternity. Those are the facts. Id gather that feeling you feel is the societal feminist nonsense where they want you to go out and work and be miserable JUST LIKE THEM.

Want to participate?

Know where the good sales are. Be frugal. Do all the housework so your husband doesnt have to. <-- this is gold too me coming home and NOT having to do the finances,laundry, clean or take care of kids is GOLD! I appreciate this a ton. Take care of your kids the way you and your husband want.

This always burns my ass. I really think there are PLENTY of women in jobs that hate it. That HATE dropping their kids off at daycare while they go make 30-50k and pay 20-45k of it away in costs associated with going to work. It is bullshit.. so we can all go out and buy some plastic chinese crap on credit to make us happy?

Right? but it never does does it?

I think it is funny the women that stop working and become SAHMs they all are like.. "This is great" My buddys bra burning feminst wife that used to spout off all that nonsense has suddenly become super quiet with her feminist rants realizing she can engage in the community and take care of her kids without stress.

that nonsense fades working at home as a SAHM is a hard enough job.

I knew back in the mid 1990s when my then girfriend at the time uttered this phrase

"Feminism just gave me another job"

I knew she was the right one.

Don't devalue what a SAHM does if you are lucky enough to do it. Enjoy it.

Cadense · 2014-10-26T07:19:58+00:00

That really depends on your husband. If he's more traditionally inclined he will probably appreciate you staying a home instead of being out in the work force. This is something you'll have to discuss with him.

maybesomeday2 · 2014-10-26T06:34:31+00:00

I can tell you that I was both a working mom with a good career and then decided to be a SAHM for a while. Of the two there was no comparison, the SAHM was by far the harder job. But you need to have this talk with your husband. My husband recognized the difficulty of being a SAHM and respected the importance and difficulty of that job. Some men just don't get that. It's best to have the husband on board, acknowledging the work it takes to be a good SAHM.

On the flip side it's always a good idea to let your spouse know how much you appreciate his supporting the family and how much you admire his hard work. Men need that appreciation recognized often.

Luke666808g · 2014-10-26T08:53:06+00:00

The only reason men want women who work is because when they get divorced and have to split the assets, it would be nice if the wife actually paid for some of it.

I think it's an issue of trust basically.

Deep down I think men want the 50's housewife, but the risk is just too great, because the more dependent you are on him, the more damage you can do to him in a divorce.

[deleted] · 2014-10-26T10:52:53+00:00

Depends on the guy.

There's a lot of hate for stay at home moms.

A good man will appreciate what you do. I agree that you need to talk about it, and show your husband appreciation for what he does.

TheTerrorSquad · 2014-10-26T12:15:12+00:00

Being a sahm should be a joint decision so if it's something agreed upon the only time I imagine he would be resentful is if he works full time and pays for everything and she does fuck all and spends everything. If she pulls her weight and does what she's supposed to and makes his life as easy as it possibly can and respects him and let him know ow he's appreciated then I'm sure he'd be a very happy man.

HRHtigerlily · 2014-10-26T13:17:05+00:00

I have always worked part-time. I am home with our daughter during the day, and when he gets home from work, his day is OVER. He doesn't have to worry about anything - house is clean, clothes are folded, dinner is prepped, wife and baby are happy. We can't afford for me to not work at all, but he has never expected me to work full-time. That would mean having our daughter in outside care for 10 hours a day, spending all our weekends doing laundry and standing in line at the grocery store, and bad moods all around. Having someone at home makes everyone's lives easier!

810809 · 2014-10-26T19:41:33+00:00

SAHM per se isn't good or bad to a husband, it depends alot on if you have the ability and willingness to work down the road. If I had kids I'd love to see my wife focus on home and child. But after age 12 I think the need is not there anymore and it's time to get back into the working force and help out with college saving and retirement plans.

So yeah SAHM is no problem as long as the end goal isn't life-long mooching and doesn't come with the 101% bullshit "the hardest job" hamster mentality.

LifterofThings · 2014-10-26T21:53:17+00:00

My question is, do men resent a woman who wants to mainly stay at home and view her as a moocher or something?

Probably, from time to time. Odds of this can be reduced by pulling your weight for reelz, though. Make his life as easy and relaxed as possible outside of work.

vintagegirlgame · 2014-10-27T09:30:17+00:00

If your desire for wanting to work is security driven, talk to your husband about setting aside several months of expenses in a savings account (I prefer the term "cushion" account to "emergency" or "rainy day" account). This should help more with the cash ebb and flow should you get into trouble. We don't have to repeat our parents financial problems but we do have to learn the right way of avoiding them, not just some instinctual fear of what happened to is when we were kids.

mister_barfly75 · 2014-10-28T13:43:44+00:00

If he comes home and the house is clean, dinner's ready, the kids are fed and happy and ready for bed then no, he won't resent it. If he comes home and the house is filthy, dinner's something he has to get out of the freezer to microwave himself and the kids are running around causing chaos while you sit there with your phone in one hand while the other stuffs chocolates into your mouth then, yes, he will resent that.

Being a SAHM is a full time job in its own right. If you do it well it will be respected and appreciated - he doesn't want to have to come home from work and then do all the stuff you didn't want to, same as you don't want him coming home and dropping a bunch of paperwork in your lap that he didn't manage to get done during the day.

It's a team, you both have your roles to play, and as long as both parties keep to their side of any agreements you make then it will work out.

KErinson69 · 2014-10-28T21:04:24+00:00

My mom always kind of shocked me when I started to learn what it was to be a feminist and I had a lot of feminist friends in College. I always thought my Mom being a SAHM was totally normal but all these girls were telling me that they wanted to be independent and not need guys. Where as my mom Loved my dad, she supported him by giving him a great home to come to and she fully embraced it. I mean she even wore an apron in the kitchen, who the fuck does any more.

Sadly I am not the doting housewife she was, but then maybe I never met the right guy who made me want to be a SAHM

Title	Do men get resentful having a woman be a SAHM?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	8
Comments	25
Date	October 26, 2014 6:01 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/2kcn51/do_men_get_resentful_having_a_woman_be_a_sahm/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/do-men-get-resentful-having-a-woman-be-a-sahm.84976 https://theredarchive.com/post/84976

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