How do you handle a breakup with class?

Kittenkajira · 2015-10-16T22:18:23+00:00

You break up - in person, with dignity and poise. Then you cut the contact. You can't be friends with someone you're attracted to, especially one you have strong feelings for. Unrequited love will hold you back from finding a LTR. You need distance from him to get over it, not friendship.

If you've already had the in-person break up, then just cut all the contact.

PhantomDream09 · 2015-10-16T22:56:26+00:00

The relationship is over, and you aren't looking for another friend. You are trying to date with purpose, which is completely sensible. What your ex thinks of you is irrelevant, but keep this in mind: the next great guy you meet may hesitate to commit if he knows you are actively trying to maintain a friendship with your ex - especially if he's (the ex) the one that left you.

Don't complicate future romantic relationships by refusing to let go of the past.

Edit: Continuing to socialize with this man will make it next to impossible for you to fully get over what happened and move on. It's like continually opening a wound to prevent it from healing.

CureMeNot · 2015-10-17T02:09:41+00:00

Because you're still attracted to him, you should cut the contact cold turkey. Right now, you're addicted to him. That's why you need to wean yourself off of him.

To do that, don't read any of his texts, don't listen to his voicemails, don't read his emails, and for God's sake don't look at his photos or stalk him online.

For you, he don't exist anymore. It shouldn't matter to you what he thinks. He's in your past, leave him in your past and don't look back. Don't even hope that he'll come looking for you.

It'll be hard at first. Allow yourself some time to grieve if you must but try to be positive and keep yourself busy. Good luck!

LifterofThings · 2015-10-17T03:43:59+00:00

With that, I decided I need to move on from him.

...

I don't want to stop communicating with him, he still wants to be friends and he still wants me in his life, etc.

These are mutually exclusive. No contact is the best policy. How you seem to him is irrelevant-- you've given him your grace, dignity and femininity, and he made you a plate. Would it be rude to start ignoring him? Maybe, but who cares? He's not -your- man.

HULKx · 2015-10-16T22:25:29+00:00

you dont have to just ignore him, tell him that you dont want to talk to him anymore.

PremiumGoose · 2015-10-17T01:22:06+00:00

I agree with the other ladies. I think TRP just had a thread about remaining friends when you breakup. Tldr: say you'll be friends then never contact her unless you need a favor or a plate.

You can just lay it out saying Hey, I have feelings for you but since we're not together I can't talk to you. I need time to get over you, thank you for understanding.

vintagegirlgame · 2015-10-17T08:58:01+00:00

Author of RPW style blog TheRulesRevisited.com wrote a book that deals with breakups and moving on: Beyond The Breakup: Understanding your Ex Boyfriend from the Male Perspective. I haven't read it yet but his blogs are great and I plan on adding it to my reading list so I can personally recommend it to girlfriends dealing with breakups.

Back Cover:

"It might seem a bit backwards to write a relationship advice book that deals exclusively with breakups and rejection. It would be a lot more obvious to write a book that explains how to attract a man – or at least how to keep the one you already have. Better to give advice about how to start or maintain a relationship than how to deal with the end of one.

"However, it has been my experience that, for most girls, a painful breakup or rejection actually is the beginning, not the end. It isn't the beginning of a relationship, obviously, but it is the beginning in the sense that it causes them to question for the first time their approach to dating, relationships, and the opposite sex in general. It is the beginning of their efforts to make a change.

"This book is not written for women with a weak spirit. It isn't going to tell you how to mitigate the pain you feel in the wake of a breakup, and it isn't going to tell you that everything is going to be fine. And while it will tell you how to maximize your chances of getting your ex back, it isn't going to pretend that there are any 'tricks' to make that outcome likely. However, it will do something much more important: it will give you a strong insight into your ex's state of mind and male psychology in general. This will give you the foundation you need to navigate the breakup and – more importantly – propel yourself into honest and successful relationships with the men in your future." – Andrew Aitken

Of course Laura Doyle's The Surrendered Single will also be a good one to read to prepare you to move on and begin dating properly again. Study material like this while you go into "monk mode." I think I read somewhere here that at least 1 month per 6 months you were dating is the recommended dose of no-men/work-on-yourself time (someone correct me if I'm remembering wrong).

myfriendmarkus · 2015-10-17T09:07:42+00:00

In my opinion cause of action is just to say that you need time to move on. If he respects this and doesn't try to contact you there is no need to block his number etc because there is no contact to black (obviously don't contact him, if you find it difficult delete him off social media and delete his number so he isn't poping up while you try to get over him). If this man trys to contact you, he is not respecting your space and you should block him.

I agree with the ladies who have said zero contact is the best option, you can't get over him if you're still "friends" and lets be honest it's not really going to be a friendship. Also when you do meet a man you want a relationship with the relationship with your ex will cause drama, and any high value man will move onto the next woman if he sees drama early on.

closetrpw · 2015-10-18T19:48:17+00:00

Here's what I recently said:

I have really appreciated our time together and you will always mean a lot to me. However, from here on out, I have no interest in hearing from you unless you have definitely changed your mind about the importance I have in your life, in which case I’d be willing to have a discussion. No snapchats or anything. I’m not depressed or suicidal and I’ll be fine without you. I wish you the best. If we are ever to be friends, I am definitely not ready for that right now, and if by some miracle I do end up in a relationship with someone as good as you, then I don’t see friendship in our future, as I will want to respect him.

If he contacts you and it's not to try to convince you that you're not a placeholder, then block him.

Title	How do you handle a breakup with class?
Author	music_ed
Upvotes	17
Comments	11
Date	October 16, 2015 10:03 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/3p1mii/how_do_you_handle_a_breakup_with_class/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-do-you-handle-a-breakup-with-class.85684 https://theredarchive.com/post/85684

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