I do want to be a feminine woman, but my past trauma won't allow me, I think. What do I do?

Landry86 · 2017-04-26T15:30:54+00:00

If you don't care for the red pill, why did you post? You will only get red pill responses here.

If you would like to try a red-pill-approach to this problem you are having we are here for you and would absolutely love to help you! The NUMBER ONE thing you must do is be feminine. In my opinion, this actually comes naturally for a woman and we all crave it. But many of us have grown up in sterile, feminist environments that fight with our instincts. Your past trauma is an example of this. You must regain control of your femininity. Girls should be happy. They should be oddly independent... not requiring romance to be happy...for who ever said you were deserving of love? Part of the problem with American girls is this: They believe they deserve love NO MATTER WHAT. It's not a healthy attitude. You must let go of any of those feelings you may have bottled up inside. You will already be happier when you do that.

Put others before yourself. Do your nails. Go for a walk in nature and listen to the birds chirp. Meditate. Do yoga. Pray. Cook. Clean

:)

You DO NOT prefer to be dominant. You just THINK you do because of the environment you grew up in.

cynicalhousewife · Wed Apr 26 15:18:50 2017 UTC

If you are a Christian why don't you start reading scripture and attending church? It might steer you in the right direction. The Bible is pro patriarchy and teaches women to be modest and respectful of men.

Jayms · 2017-04-26T17:34:57+00:00

It sounds like you have suffered from some past abuse and might need some professional help to heal from this. I can somewhat relate because I also came from a dysfunctional family and had manipulative tendencies and always felt the need to be in control. Those tendencies came from a place of fear which it is possible to heal from. I'm not sure what the answer is, but I think the best advice is to start working on yourself and not get into a relationship until you have resolved some of these issues.

HB3234 · 2017-04-26T20:04:29+00:00

If you feel your past trauma is stopping you from doing something, yes, you need therapy.

If you are religious or want religion to be a bigger part of your life, perhaps also consider faith based counseling for your trauma - it will help you address it from within the worldview and values which already ring true to you.

Best of luck.

plein_old · 2017-04-26T19:15:49+00:00

It's like any habit.

You have to let go of the old rewards (the pleasure of having power over weak guys, or whatever), and find some kind of new rewards for the new behavior you want to engage.

If you can't remind yourself every day of the new rewards, the old rewards will keep you locked down. Especially when fear shows up and says "howdy"...

[deleted] · 2017-04-27T04:57:56+00:00

You will outgrow this. True feminine power is drawing in a man who wants to be loyal to you. Not dominating them. Relinquish enough control and you are set free to be the feminine woman he truly desires.

est-la-lune · 2017-04-26T18:29:02+00:00

Words are cheap and actions are gold.

For example, you probably experience emotional pain and trauma from the abuse. A mature way to experience trauma is to accept those feelings are a normal response to what happened, and take actions to correct them. For example, when I experienced anxiety I have a nap or some tea and I relax. When past mistakes get me down, I identify and take concrete actions to ensure I don't repeat them.

I want you to understand there is a difference between dominant and abusive men, just as there is a difference between powerlessness and submission. Abusive men take advantage of power differences such as abusing and intimidating children, employees, etc. Men who are abusive will degrade the value of a subordinate's work instead of recognizing that subordinate's job is an essential piece to making the "machine" work.

A man who is dominant is going to lead you and he doesn't need to be "above" you to be dominant.

I don't think you need power over others, but rather, need power over yourself. You are the only person who can control your thoughts, choices, actions, etc. You can't control others and you don't have power over them. Attempting to use power (e.g. such as having a higher status or virtue signaling) is exhausting.

The basic steps I think you should take are to improve yourself, learn how to vet and date, and yes, see a therapist.

cataracts_ · 2017-04-26T23:49:18+00:00

I'm not an expert, but from what I've read, abuse has a lot to do with the victim unable to control what is happening to them, is unable to control their emotions, etc. I think therapy would definitely be a good step for you.

Therapy helps give abuse victims coping mechanisms to help them regain control in their life. It seems like you've done this by taking control of the relationships you have. I don't necessarily blame you, but...

Taking control of the relationship is the opposite of red pill. Instead, you should work on gaining control of yourself. Take care of yourself. Make yourself pretty. Do your makeup, get a haircut. Take a bath with good-smelling stuff in it. Clean your house/apartment/room, whatever.

Shift your focus from controlling men to controlling yourself - and your femininity.

CynicalLaughter · 2017-04-27T05:30:08+00:00

I think you need to consider the possibility that you won't be able to overcome your instincts, and as such won't be able to be a redpill gal to a strong alpha husband.

myownmuse1120 · 2017-04-27T03:33:13+00:00

I totally understand you. Every man I have connected was the hot (face & bod) dominant type except my husband (he doesn't have a pretty face & is literally my best friend BUT I am attracted to my hubb. He's fit & we're insanely compatible in bed). I know I'm a lucky girl to have my husband but he wasn't technically "my type". Just saying it's ok to give a guy time to get to know his more masculine side.

[deleted] · 2017-04-28T12:10:21+00:00

After the collective trauma of 9/11, acupuncture and massage were more popular forms of therapy than talk therapy. Trauma gets stored in the body, in things like muscle tension and the way you move. So being aware of that and changing it can help, along with touching more and being more open to touch, and possibly heat can help as well. Right now I have a theory bouncing around in my head that approach/dating/relationship anxiety is the result of trauma, trauma has to be healed on the level of the body, and so the best way to handle these forms of anxiety has to do with being aware of and changing body language to be more relaxed and playful or non-serious; because trauma makes people tense and serious, so its moving the body in the opposite direction of trauma.

RubyWooToo · 2017-04-27T11:59:09+00:00

Why do you want to become more feminine and submissive?

Why not start a family with a beta with whom you're actually compatible?

Wonderfart11 · Wed Apr 26 17:07:42 2017 UTC

Why are you looking to the red pill for advice? This is a community that supports rape within marriage and the idea that women should walk two steps behind their owner. You may as well go to the Hamas fan page for advice like this.

Title	I do want to be a feminine woman, but my past trauma won't allow me, I think. What do I do?
Author	CynicalLaughter
Upvotes	9
Comments	21
Date	April 26, 2017 3:04 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/67op97/i_do_want_to_be_a_feminine_woman_but_my_past/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/i-do-want-to-be-a-feminine-woman-but-my-past.87228 https://theredarchive.com/post/87228

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