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If a man is accused of rape and denies it by saying “she’s not my type” instead of “I would never rape anyone,” that is how you know you’re dealing with a rapist.

WittyFly

June 30, 2019

28 upvotes

/r/MensRights

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Title	If a man is accused of rape and denies it by saying “she’s not my type” instead of “I would never rape anyone,” that is how you know you’re dealing with a rapist.
Author	WittyFly
Upvotes	28
Comments	32
Date	June 30, 2019 4:08 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/c7g7wn/if_a_man_is_accused_of_rape_and_denies_it_by/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/if-a-man-is-accused-of-rape-and-denies-it-by.874462 https://theredarchive.com/post/874462

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[–]lostapwbm 17 points18 points19 points 7 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link

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[–]RoryTate -1 points0 points1 point 7 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

Wait...isn't rape an act of violence that has nothing to do with sexual desire or attraction?

Is it? I don't think so. It can definitely be a simple act of violence (often prison rape is just that, for example), but it's also very often linked with sexual desire and/or attraction. This doesn't mean that only universally attractive people get raped or that they are raped more often, but rape can absolutely be driven by sexual desire. I've never heard people deny that.

How is that assertion from feminists now consistent with this idea that a rapist only wants to screw "their type" of woman?

That isn't what they're saying, I think it's quite the opposite. They are criticizing the person who implies someone would need to be "their type" to rape them. I absolutely disagree with the idea that such claim would make someone a rapist, but I also think it's a disgusting thing to say. I wouldn't judge that man poorly because I think he's a rapist, I would judge him poorly for being an asshole.

likely because in their eyes all men are rapists

You know most feminists have male partners right? Do you think they believe they're all dating rapists?

[–]RoryTate 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

Is it? I don't think so. It can definitely be a simple act of violence (often prison rape is just that, for example), but it's also very often linked with sexual desire and/or attraction

You obviously weren't bombarded with the "rape is only ever violence and an act of power and oppression" messages growing up like I was, which included constant references to studies showing that the vast majority of rapists in prison reported receiving little to no sexual pleasure from forcing themselves on someone. To be honest, I never looked closely into the scientific literature though, so perhaps it was unfortunately part of the "science being misinterpreted for activism" trend that dominated so much of the 20th century, and not as clear cut as I assumed. It seemed like a reasonable argument to me at the time, and backed up by objective evidence too.

It is interesting to see how what was once "firmly established by science" is now being discarded for a new narrative. I'm not 100% sure why. Perhaps because it opens up the possibility of attacking a whole range of popular media, from sexy advertisements to video games to films/tv. I mean, there is certainly a lot to be gained by discarding the old explanation that excluded sexual desire completely from the conversation, if you want to feel constantly outraged and oppressed by everything around you, and gain a lot of media attention.

You know most feminists have male partners right? Do you think they believe they're all dating rapists?

I do know that a disproportionately large number of feminists actually admit -- only anonymously and privately of course -- to enjoying very extreme fantasies about forced sex, and I don't say this to shame them, because that type of fantasy is common among both men and women (though not as prominent or as skewed towards such violence as with those who hold strong feminist beliefs). What is unhealthy though is the inability to be honest with oneself about it, and that cognitive dissonance is what likely allows feminists to have male partners while at the same time thinking "If a man is accused of rape...that is how you know you’re dealing with a rapist."

There is also a strong parallel with the racist who says they can't hate black people because of their one black friend, while muttering under their breath abominable things about "those mongrel half-breed babies are an affront to nature and should be-" (you get the idea). It is exactly the same with the feminist who says she can't hate men because she has that one guy friend or boyfriend, while at the same time yelling "kill all men" and passing it off as "an act of defiance against her oppressors". Same shit, different pile.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

included constant references to studies showing that the vast majority of rapists in prison reported receiving little to no sexual pleasure from forcing themselves on someone

I just think there are very different dinamics that lead prison rape vs marital rape vs the assault of a drunk girl at a bar vs other instances. I doubt you could put all rape under one umbrella and while I can definitely see how rape could be purely an act of violence in certain situations, I also vividly remember my friend drooling and moaning in arousal as he assaulted me. I'm also not sure it's such a clear line, a lot of people are turned on by violence itself so in those cases is it violence or sexual desire?

I do know that a disproportionately large number of feminists actually admit -- only anonymously and privately of course

How would you know it if it's only anonymous and private? Do you have data suggesting that this is specifically common amongst feminists? I know it's a pretty common fantasy for women in general, but your statement sounds like speculation to me.

(though not as prominent or as skewed towards such violence as with those who hold strong feminist beliefs)

Same with this statement.

cognitive dissonance is what likely allows feminists to have male partners while at the same time thinking "If a man is accused of rape...that is how you know you’re dealing with a rapist."

I'm not saying those feminists don't exist, just that I don't believe they're even close to being a majority. I don't agree with the claim made in this post, but even in this case they didn't say that any man who is accused is automatically a rapist. If your first instinct is saying "I didn't rape them because they're not my type" then at the very least that is a very unfortunate choice of words, does that mean you have a "type" that you would actually rape? Now that's obviously not enough to conclude one is a rapist, but it's still not the same as saying that every man is a rapist.

This being said I don't think most feminists believe that any accusation makes you a rapist and I have a feeling that even this post was an ironic generalization made solely to criticize Trump.

It is exactly the same with the feminist who says she can't hate men because she has that one guy friend or boyfriend, while at the same time yelling "kill all men" and passing it off as "an act of defiance against her oppressors". Same shit, different pile

It's just hard for me to believe that most feminists would fall in love, marry and choose a man as their one life partner if they all truly believed all men are rapists as you say. Sure that doesn't prove anything, but I'm also pretty sure that racists with that one black friend wouldn't leave them alone with their kids or precious possession. Also your explanation is that feminists willingly marry someone they believe to be a rapists because they secretly want to be violently raped? I mean I'm sexually submissive and even I wouldn't go that far.

However that was not meant to be the proof that feminists don't hate all men, ink lit something to man me you think maybe that claim was a bit exaggerated. If you want proof that most feminists don't hate all men or think they're all rapists, just ask them. They don't. I don't.

[–]RoryTate 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

I just think there are very different dinamics that lead prison rape vs marital rape vs the assault of a drunk girl at a bar vs other instances.

I wasn't talking about prison rape, but I see where my inexact wording could have led to that confusion. I was talking about the people who end up in prison for committing rape. They are the only subjects to study since they have been found guilty by a court of law for committing the crime of rape. And as far as I know, studies show that the majority of people convicted of the crime do not consider the assaults to be sexually enjoyable. So why do they do it then? The answer I was told was because rapists were just looking to hurt and gain power over their victim. As I said though, that information could have unfortunately just been activism back when I was younger, and that particular ignorance has now been replaced by a different doctrine.

How would you know it if it's only anonymous and private? Do you have data suggesting that this is specifically common amongst feminists?

These claims are supported by actual sociological studies that show the correlation between feminism and rather violent rape fantasies. It is not a perfect relationship, nor does it mean that any feminists are looking for a male partner for this reason. I only used this fact as an example of the cognitive dissonance in holding two opposing thoughts at the same time, because people do contradictory things all the time.

Also your explanation is that feminists willingly marry someone they believe to be a rapists because they secretly want to be violently raped?

No, that is not my claim. Again, it was simply an example of cognitive dissonance. It was only relevant to this discussion because it dealt with some of the same subject matter. See above.

If you want proof that most feminists don't hate all men or think they're all rapists, just ask them. They don't. I don't.

Hating men is unfortunately considered impossible in some circles. So first I would ask, can you provide a solid example of some activity or belief that you would actually consider to be man-hating? If you think man-hating is something that doesn't exist, then you shouldn't bother reading past this point.

To me, hate is a rather fascinating word. I won't muddy the definition too much, but one of the primary components of hate is fear. "People fear what they do not understand" is a quote from To Kill a Mockingbird -- a much-referenced book in this sub for obvious reasons. Or "Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate." from a much more popular and recent story. "What people do not understand they fear. What they fear they destroy." is perhaps an even more famous quote.

Anyway, I have a pretty simple and effective litmus test for uncovering man-hating: I ask for a person's opinion on the sentencing gap. Studies of the justice system show that men are charged more, given prison terms more often, and incarcerated for far longer than women who commit the same crimes. Six out of the seven men currently in jail throughout the world would be free if they were women. There are three possible reactions to this problem:

The current justice system is mostly fine regarding sexual discrimination and the problem isn't actually a problem.
The current justice system is unfair to women and prisons for women should be closed down and female incarceration abolished completely (this is the position taken by feminists in media, feminist researchers in universities, feminist scholars who consult for governments, and feminist politicians).
The current justice system is unfair to men and we have the tools to make the average criminal sentence the same across the sexes, without changing any individual man or woman's sentence or jury/judge decsion, through a quarterly review of all prison terms in a country/state/etc to make them all equal on average across both groups.

If you choose anything but option 3, then you may not think you are a hateful person, but you are supporting a system that unfairly punishes, harms, and kills men. Or in other words, a system that hates men.

Honestly, I never ask a feminist if they hate men. Whether the response is "yes" or "no", there is no knowledge truly gained. Instead I ask if a person agrees with or supports various man-hating policies, systems, etc, and through that I understand if their hatred is the female supremacy/male inferiority hatred of a Sally Miller Gearhart or the "lashing out against their attacker" hatred of a childhood abuse victim or the fear-based hatred of those who see men as potential rapists/criminals or other less common types of hatred. Because hatred is not a single, simple thing.

And because there has already been time wasted due to miscommunication, please note above that I'm not saying that all abuse victims of a man hate all men, any more than I am saying that all abuse victims whose attacker was female hate all women. These are just the types of male hating that I have observed within feminism, and their general -- though not specific -- motivations.

And yes, I do argue that feminism as a whole (as an endeavour?...I'm not certain of the best word here) does hate men by definition through many of its assumptions and core axioms/tenets, and the easiest one of these to point out is the biggest and most prevalent: the Patriarchy. Any belief system that preaches the existence of an evil global conspiracy against women called "The Patriarchy" is one that hates men. Is the Patriarchy evil? Is the Patriarchy inherently male? Is masculinity and maleness inherently evil? Well, given that a Matriarchy is inherently good, and judged positively by feminism, I don't see how anyone can argue that the Patriarchy is respected and lauded by femnism. If this illusionary and mythical Patriarchy is hated, then feminism is man-hating by definition. And you cannot remove the pejorative concept of the Patriarchy from the feminism of today without destroying it so completely that it would be completely unrecognizable.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

I wasn't talking about prison rape

Oh sorry, my mistake :)

as far as I know, studies show that the majority of people convicted of the crime do not consider the assaults to be sexually enjoyable

I guess it might be true, I'm not familiar with those studies. I just found it confusing because I don't quite understand how one could claim sexual desire plays no role in every single case. It particularly confuses me if I think of child rape and abuse, because those are often perpetrated by pedophiles, people who are sexually attracted to children, and not simply by violent individuals who have zero sexual motive. I also don't understand how then anyone would think chemical castration (which I'm absolutely against, but seems to be becoming a pretty popular idea across all political movements or sides) would be useful in any way. I admit I might just not be informed enough in the subject, so I'll look forward into it when I can.

actual sociological studies that show the correlation between feminism and rather violent rape fantasies

I was just skeptical because you didn't link any studies and it's not something I'd ever heard before

I only used this fact as an example of the cognitive dissonance in holding two opposing thoughts at the same time, because people do contradictory things all the time

I agree people often contradict themselves in their actions, but I don't see rape fantasies as contradictory. I'm into BDSM, I don't really have rape fantasies, but I can say that just because you have some kind of violent fantasies or desires and might enjoy playing them out in the bedroom in a safe environment and with a loving partner, that doesn't mean you would ever condone actual violence or rape. As far as I know most women who have rape fantasies would never enjoy or condone actually being raped. Fantasies are just that, and in your mind you're always in control of what happens and what's done to you, violent or not, while real life assault is terrifying and painful.

I also don't know how significant this correlation could be, for example it might just be that rape fantasies are just as common between feminist and non feminist women, but that feminists are more progressive and sexually open and more in touch with their sexuality, so more likely to admit at least to themselves that they have them. Again it could be this or any other reason, I just wouldn't automatically say that feminists are overall more attracted to violence.

The current justice system is mostly fine regarding sexual discrimination and the problem isn't actually a problem.

I think this is a problem with relying on different statistics and/or misinformation. Studies and statistics can be very misleading while sounding completely legitimate and credible to a lot of people. I wouldn't agree with this point, but I also wouldn't say it necessarily stems from hate. Confirmation bias, maybe, or maybe just ignorance. I think if we were able to have a candid, civil and non biased conversation about these types of issues there wouldn't be so many people disagreeing on verifiable facts.

The current justice system is unfair to women and prisons for women should be closed down and female incarceration abolished completely

I think this position is insane and I've never heard it before. Even assuming that what you're saying is true and that all feminist media, politicians and researchers etc support this idea, I highly doubt most women who call themselves feminists would. You might argue that people who support women's rights and worry about women's issues should found a new movement to distantiate themselves from those ideas, but it's not easy and who's to say the new movement won't degenerate in similar or worse ways.

I and a lot of other women simply use the word feminist as it's dictionary definition, "the advocacy of women's rights on the basis of the equality of the sexes". Just like I call myself a vegan because I recognize myself in its definition, "way of living which seeks to exclude, as far as is possible and practicable, all forms of exploitation of, and cruelty to, animals for food, clothing or any other purpose". Both these definitions are very open to interpretation and have allowed a lot of contrasting ideas to form. For example, like there are feminists who talk about the patriarchy like it is an organized conspiracy to keep women oppressed forever and all men are responsible and should pay for it, there are vegans who talk about "animal holocaust" and how all meat eaters are monsters and should pay for it. In both these cases we are talking about very big and vocal parts of the movement, and to be fair if you really believe in those things it's no surprise you're going to be so involved and spend all your time and energy trying to stop these things from happening.

The point is, there isn't really a unified community to kick these people out, it's not a physical party that can police these things, it's a bunch of very different local communities that fight one another all the time, but ultimately most feminists are simply going to concern themselves with their own local community and/or would rather avoid all the drama and simply give their support and help to women's associations or charities, or vote on single policies as they personally see fit.

Any belief system that preaches the existence of an evil global conspiracy against women called "The Patriarchy" is one that hates men.

I think there are different interpretations of this as well. For many feminists the "patriarchy" isn't necessarily a conspiracy, but just the simple fact that society evolved this way for various reasons, for example how religion used to have a lot of influence on people (still does in many countries) and how the Bible and most religious texts treat women as a type of property that should be subservient to men. It's not necessarily that all men are evil and planned for this to happen to willingly keep women at bay, it's that historically this is just how things played out and worldwide there are still signs of this that we believe should be contrasted in order to have true equality. Saudi women only recently obtaining their right to drive, for example, or female genital mutilation around the world.

Is the Patriarchy evil?

Not necessarily, evil would assume intent. Mostly it's just a bad thing and it shouldn't exist if we believe in equality.

Is the Patriarchy inherently male?

Not sure what you're asking. It's not only supported by men. I'm not such a big fan of the term just because it's one of those things that starts the "who's more oppressed" type of discussions. I think both men and women are in different ways and that for many women the idea of a patriarchy is just what they call female oppression and the result of power positions historically often being mostly held by men. This doesn't mean that men can't also be hurt by it or be disadvantaged in other ways.

given that a Matriarchy is inherently good

It isn't. It's the opposite of equality and I don't know how anyone could say they're pro equality and support a matriarchal system.

If this illusionary and mythical Patriarchy is hated, then feminism is man-hating by definition

I don't believe so. I would hate any system that doesn't allow for equality, patriarchy and matriarchy equally. Doesn't mean I blame men for it.

I would choose option 3 obviously. Honestly I wish there was a way to make trials and resumes completely gender neutral to avoid any type of bias, but I don't know whether that would even be possible.

Sorry about the wall of text, I wanted to give you as extensive an answer as you gave me, but I might have gone a little overboard 😅

[–]RoryTate 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

I wasn't talking about prison rape

Oh sorry, my mistake :)

Actually, it was mine. I re-read my description and even I found it ambiguous. The phrases "people imprisoned for committing rape" and "rapists in prison" don't necessarily mean the same thing, even if they are intended to. So I made sure my terms were much more clear the second time.

actual sociological studies that show the correlation between feminism and rather violent rape fantasies

I was just skeptical because you didn't link any studies and it's not something I'd ever heard before

I've seen excerpts from the studies and there are many people I generally respect who have referenced them, but I don't have any actual links on hand. Many scientific papers are unfortunately behind paywalls, so finding and linking them is a fool's errand.

As far as I know most women who have rape fantasies would never enjoy or condone actually being raped.

It really appears that my choice of this example of cognitive dissonance was not the best one, because that is definitely not my assertion. Fantasies and real life are indeed very separate, and even bringing fantasies into the real world in a safe and loving environment is not something to be taken lightly. I would not want to suggest or even be perceived as suggesting otherwise.

I also don't know how significant this correlation could be, for example it might just be that rape fantasies are just as common between feminist and non feminist women, but that feminists are more progressive and sexually open and more in touch with their sexuality, so more likely to admit at least to themselves that they have them.

Not exactly. One of the actual causal factors suggested -- perhaps in the studies themselves, but maybe it was just by those who were referencing them that I've listened to -- is actually the opposite of what you suggest. Rather than being accepting and open (sex-positive), the idea is that many women become involved closely with feminism because they initially have a strong but guilt-laden interest in questions of what is consent and non-consent, due to their fantasies. Feminism obviously deals very widely with consent, and in sharing and discussing the stories of rape surrounding it. So there ends up being an overrepresentation of these thoughts or desires in feminists because feminism as a subject attracts women who have more fantasies about rape (at least on average as a group, as this group tendency says nothing about a single individual feminist).

The above explanation actually requires that this group on average will tend to be more repressed about accepting these fantasies openly, and that they justify their fascination strctly through studying the feminist literature surrounding consent, stories of rape, etc. The phrase "for academic purposes" (FAP) applies rather well here now that I think about it.

The current justice system is unfair to women and prisons for women should be closed down and female incarceration abolished completely

I think this position is insane and I've never heard it before.

Honestly, I find that very hard to believe, unless you are living under a rock. These are all prominent news articles espousing this position: Link 1. Link 2. Link 3

Here are changes in the laws of countries that are ending jail time, or information on changing or creating laws so that women no longer serve jail time: Link 1. Link 2. Link 3. Link 4. Link 5

These are links to this sub discussing how to combat this common position/activity: Link 1. Link 2. Link 3.

This idea of abolishing women's prisons/ending female incarceration is everywhere, and it is being implemented right now and is already eroding away at any concept of fairness within the justice systems of the world.

Even assuming that what you're saying is true and that all feminist media, politicians and researchers etc support this idea, I highly doubt most women who call themselves feminists would.

So? This "feminist majority" simply doesn't matter to men's lives. You aren't the women who make the laws, write the opinion pieces in the news, and create the research that justifies the unfairness. I know other people who fight to improve the lives of men often get angry at these invisible "majority of feminists" who provide cover for abuse under the projection of reasonableness, but I just choose to focus on the ones who matter.

If you're interested in hearing some of the extended criticism against the "that's not real feminism" position, I will warn you that that these are long reads, but they are very eloquent critiques. Link 1. Link 2.

Mostly it's [Patriarchy] just a bad thing and it shouldn't exist if we believe in equality.

So feminism needed a term for everything bad and wrong in society, whether that injustice was imagined or real, and they just happened to choose one that was male? I mean, are we supposed to believe it's just some strange coincidence? Feminism argues and fights for gender neutral terms in every nook and cranny elsewhere (for example, "mankind" must never be used, and must always be replaced with "humanity"). Language must be decolonized completely of damaging viewpoints after all! Yet in their own discipline feminists instead chose to represent everything bad about the world not with a gender-neutral word, of which many possible descriptors exist to communicate the issues of inequality, unfairness, and injustice that we all can face, but instead they used a male-only term. And they continue to support it, despite the obvious hypocrisy of having a harmful stereotype underlie their entire worldview.

Everything good in feminism is feminine and matriarchal, and everything bad is masculine and male. Even worse, everything masculine is portrayed negatively/bad or at best neutral. So the converse is mostly true as well. Bad and male are almost interchangeable terms.

This doesn't mean that men can't also be hurt by it [Patriarchy] or be disadvantaged in other ways.

And this is where the damage of the word "Patriarchy" really becomes apparent. Only men can hurt other men, and women have no role in shaping society or in causing male suffering. That is the reality of this mindset and this use of language, and it is so absolutely engrained now that women have no agency that I don't even bother seeing it as a tendency anymore. It simply is.

I would choose option 3 obviously. Honestly I wish there was a way to make trials and resumes completely gender neutral to avoid any type of bias, but I don't know whether that would even be possible.

I have suggested a workable and cost-effective solution: quarterly reviews of all sentences for the same crime to normalize the punishment across genders. Give me the data and a spreadsheet and it could be done in a day. Legislation solved the problems of the wage gap for equalizing pay for the same position and hours, and it can do the same here to within a reasonable margin of error.

Sorry about the wall of text, I wanted to give you as extensive an answer as you gave me

No problem. Thanks for taking the time to respond. We obviously don't agree on many/most? key points, but from my perspective you've met my questions directly with your answers, and put thought and energy into your counter-arguments. So it feels far more productive than most discussions with the opposition.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

One of the actual causal factors suggested -- perhaps in the studies themselves, but maybe it was just by those who were referencing them that I've listened to

the idea is that many women become involved closely with feminism because they initially have a strong but guilt-laden interest in questions of what is consent and non-consent

I would have to look at the studies, I don't believe you're lying or misrepresenting them, but a few studies don't prove something and the suggested explanation isn't necessarily the one and only cause, but often just a way to try and explain the correlation. I personally was drawn to feminism first when I was a little kid and other kids wouldn't let me play soccer with them because I was a girl. I'm very interested in the topic of consent, but that for me came many years later and more in the context of BDSM than feminism, I've only seen feminists deal so heavily with the concept of consent in recent years. My personal experience doesn't prove anything either, but I just think this is a more complex issue that those studies might suggest and that concluding from those that all feminists are deeply hypocritical or in contrast with themselves and that this is a sign of cognitive dissonance could be an oversimplification and generalization.

However, if this were true

many women become involved closely with feminism because they initially have a strong but guilt-laden interest in questions of what is consent and non-consent

sounds like a great thing to me, understanding what consent is and what makes for a healthy sexual experience can absolutely help understand and accept one's sexuality better and get rid of such sense of shame and guilt that in my opinion has no reason to be.

I know other people who fight to improve the lives of men often get angry at these invisible "majority of feminists" who provide cover for abuse under the projection of reasonableness

extended criticism against the "that's not real feminism" position

I just think that attacking feminism in itself and demonizing feminists in general and calling them men-haters completely alienates this majority of reasonable feminists and is not a good way to combat those positions and policies, other than harboring and encouraging misogyny inside the MRA movement. If a normal woman calls herself feminists because she supports women's rights and considers feminism as its definition ("the advocacy of women's rights on the basis of the equality of the sexes"), when you say you're against feminism she will understand that as being against equality and women's rights and all the good arguments you might have will fall in the background as she thinks she's talking to someone who ultimately doesn't support equality. I think an argument like "this isn't equality, this isn't feminism, we shouldn't let this happen in a movement that calls itself feminist and pro equality" would be much more effective. Not demonize what they believe in, but argue against the way it's being implemented.

There is no way at the moment to support women's rights in a significant way and not be involved with feminist associations and communities and someone who supports actually good causes and good feminist charities and associations, or lives in a place where the local feminist community is reasonable and healthy, will not listen to people trying to tear feminism down.

So feminism needed a term for everything bad and wrong in society, whether that injustice was imagined or real, and they just happened to choose one that was male?

No, this is just the way they call a very specific set of bad things that are wrong in society, one specific social mechanism.

and they just happened to choose one that was male?

Again I wouldn't call it "male", patriarchy is just the idea that men have to be the leaders and the ones with power and women have to be subordinated to them, obedient and subservient. This is the way society was for a long time and there are many families, countries and organizations that still work this way and many residues of it in countries that don't anymore. It's not men's or women's fault, it originated from ancient cultures and constructs and was supported by religion and by both women and men.

And this is where the damage of the word "Patriarchy" really becomes apparent. Only men can hurt other men, and women have no role in shaping society or in causing male suffering

Again, the patriarchy isn't necessarily men's fault, and not any more than women's. It's not bad because it's "male", it's bad because any system where one sex has most of the power is bad and as it happens this sex has very often been male. One way it hurts men is by women expecting men to be providers and in charge and have all the responsibility. A lot of women are happy not having to be concerned with putting that pressure on themselves. I'm not saying that a family where the man is the provider and the women is a housewife is a bad thing, I'm saying it's bad when it becomes systematic and those roles are just automatically expected or imposed.

Only men can hurt other men, and women have no role in shaping society or in causing male suffering

Feminism is a women's rights movement, and just like I don't see you arguing about female suffering in a MRA context, I don't see why feminism should be concerned with analyzing all the different causes of male suffering. I'm not saying that there women have no role or can't hurt other men, that is definitely an issue, but not an issue feminism should deal with. This society treats men and women very differently and the causes and ways the two sexes are hurt or oppressed are different and in my opinion it makes sense to have different movements concerning themselves with the two issues separately. This doesn't mean that feminists should ignore, disregard or not care about men's issues, but it isn't their battle, or at least not in a feminist context.

Feminism argues and fights for gender neutral terms in every nook and cranny elsewhere (for example, "mankind" must never be used, and must always be replaced with "humanity"). Language must be decolonized completely of damaging viewpoints after all! Yet in their own discipline feminists instead chose to represent everything bad about the world not with a gender-neutral word

A gender-neutral language would be the goal, but it isn't today's reality. If the Bible says that women should serve men like men serve god, I can't talk about that in gender neutral terms. If I want to talk about an existing social structure that puts men and women in different places, I can't talk about it in gender-neutral terms.

I have suggested a workable and cost-effective solution

Oh and I absolutely support it, I was only saying I would go even further and make everything gender neutral in those instances if that were possible. I'm not saying I wouldn't support that policies, I'll definitely vote for it if I have the chance