I am a college student in my early twenties. A few years ago, I had my first sexual experience with a girl I had been seeing for a while. But it didn't go the way I had seen in movies and television. I have just recently realized that this may be considered rape, but I am unsure. It has certainly damaged the sexual experiences I have had since then.

Here's the story. We began kissing on my couch. Then she told me to take off her dress, so I did. This was my first time, but I knew it wasn't hers so I decided to let her take the reigns. We moved to my bedroom. We get more physical. I put on a condom, and we begin intercourse with her on top. I'm nervous, so I am having a hard time remaining erect. She lifts herself off me and removes the condom. I said, "Are you sure? I don't think that's a good idea." We hadn't been together long, and I didn't know anything about her sexual history other than that she had had many partners, and this was my first time having sex, so I knew I wanted to keep the condom. She didn't say anything and proceeded to reinsert my penis and continue intercourse.

I got uncomfortable and asked her to stop. She began crying and asking if I thought she was ugly, saying this always happens when she has sex with a new person. "This" being the guy not maintaining an erection. Several days later, after not having sex again for a few days, she asked me several times if I was gay for not liking sex with her.

We had sex many times after that, but over the year we were together, I think I came during sex maybe 10-15 times. I would get her off, then she would stop the sex before I could come.

I don't know if this actually constitutes rape, but I've never told anyone this story. This may be something very minor, but it is a huge weight off to just get it out there.

Thanks to this sub for providing a place where guys can talk openly about this stuff. I don't have anyone in my life who would be receptive to my feelings about this. Keep doing what you're doing fellas.