Template preparations for getting freedom

pegleg_legal · 2021-08-12T09:39:51+00:00

Kudos for sticking it out for the kids. It's not always the best solution but a lot of people do it and it has some benefits. Now, about those 20 years!

If you both want it and you both want it to be a fair deal where no one ends up in the poor house - there should be NO REASON for it to become inamicable - but very often it does. Sometimes its the lawyers, sometimes it's one spouse who only agreed because they didn't want to say no earlier. For your part, you have to be stoic. The time to hash through the pain and resentment is in counseling (always be willing to do that and offer it up, not in the reconciliation approach but just to work through things). 25 years is a lot of shit - be sensitive to that because your understanding will go a long way in keeping the peace so you can get out with the minimum damage.

You should talk to a lawyer first to get an idea what you can expect in terms of outcomes for alimony and whatnot. She should also talk to a lawyer but hopefully she doesn't talk to one who just has a can of gasoline to pour on the smoldering embers of resentment.

There's no reason this should get out of hand, but that doesn't mean it won't.

HelixFish · 2021-08-12T12:36:32+00:00

Divorced in CA here, final in 2018, 17 years. Find a mediator and work with them. They will help you iron out a fair agreement. You’ll both want lawyers to review the agreement but it won’t be expensive vs. using lawyers to fuck each other over.

sicrm · 2021-08-12T13:13:39+00:00

talk to a lawyer and try to get creative. things like not taking half the equity in the house or a lump sum payment to at least lower alimony length/amount.

MartyMcFly7 · 2021-08-12T16:12:52+00:00

CA, 25 years, kids are also pretty much grown (17/18).

Your best bet is to try a mediator, it's MUCH less expensive. If it doesn't work out, agree to try and find another mediator.

I thought our divorce would be easy. We both make about the same, so I figured we'd just split everything and be done. 2 years and $35,000 in legal fees later, we're still fighting over it. It's nuts! We haven't even gone to court yet! It seems like lawyers always find a way to make things more complicated.

We argued over custody for so long that the kids aged out (she wanted full, I wanted half).

We argued over who would get the house while we lived together (she didn't have the separate assets to afford it, but insisted she should get it if she's going to be "the one with the kids"). We spent about $11K in a failed attempt to get me kicked out.

We argued over attorney's fees. I wanted 50/50, she insisted I pay 100% because I received an inheritance "and could afford it."

We argued over alimony. She makes nearly as much as I do (self-employed) and she could easily make more, but it's reduced on paper. She is asking for what amounts to 2/3rds of my take-home pay (including child support).

I thought it would be easy, but like in the movie Marriage Story, these things have a way of starting out amicable and then getting out of control.

If things start to look like they're going to get complicated, ask for a court date immediately. It doesn't cost much to ask for one, it will add some bite to your negotiations, and if you can't work things out, you won't have to wait a year for a date. (I requested ours 7 months ago and still haven't received one).

Title	Template preparations for getting freedom
Author	Glad_Abbreviations25
Upvotes	7
Comments	6
Date	August 12, 2021 5:17 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/p2taw9/template_preparations_for_getting_freedom/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/template-preparations-for-getting-freedom.958770 https://theredarchive.com/post/958770

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