All of my close friends have started telling me in private that I am an asshole

MisunderstoodAsian · 2018-05-04T21:31:37+00:00

If they're genuinely close friends who know you and wish the best for you, and they're all telling you that you're an asshole, it's fairly likely that you're an asshole.

chazthundergut · 2018-05-04T23:15:23+00:00

Tease, but don't be mean.

Stand up for yourself, but don't pick on people.

Speak the truth, but don't be an asshole.

Be confident and self-assured, but not arrogant.

If multiple friends are pulling you aside and telling you, then you need to reconsider your approach. Time to pump the brakes a little.

vandaalen · 2018-05-04T21:13:40+00:00

More context.

[deleted] · 2018-05-04T21:00:58+00:00

If they are telling you then you are indeed an asshole.

RedPill is about confidence and assuredly saying no to certain things. None of this implies asshole and it’s mostly subtle.

If people are picking up on it. Slow down & re-evaluate.

no_condoments · 2018-05-04T23:24:45+00:00

Are you applying trp techniques to your buddies? You should be dreading and nexting random side pieces that never get to meet your friends. I suspect that you arent doing a good job at meeting women outside of your social circle, which cause you to either be an asshole to your friends or start shitting where you eat.

Zanford · 2018-05-05T01:16:44+00:00

If these are truly close friends like childhood friends or army buddies, maybe you are overdoing it.

If these are beta whiteknights you barely know, it's probably just crab bucket mentality.

Would need a lot more context to make the judgment call here. Like the genders of these 'friends' for one thing .Go with your gut.

In any case, thwse are people who knew you when you were a Nice Guy, and Nice Guys get hit hard when they start to act like jerkboys. You will find these are much easier with people who meet you as a jerkboy. Then you're just a charming rogue.

Boltinder · 2018-05-05T02:49:54+00:00

There are already some excellent answers. I want to add what I think is happening. Maybe you found yourself being too nice, and to make sure you weren’t you became rude.

In my experience rudeness is an expression of emotional insecurity. If you recently began working on your self-value, it’s understandable that you won’t fully understand what feeling worthy and secure feels like. The path is progress; not a switch. Yet I think sometimes confidence is thought of as a switch, but I think that would often enough just come off as rude.

Another opinion I would like to add, is I think it would help to meditate/visualize/dream/imagine what your ideal self would ultimately be like. My personal conclusion I’ve so far reached is that a strong enlightened person would be more likely to be perceived as kind rather than snarky/rude.

Whisper · 2018-05-05T07:15:08+00:00

Pretty much all of humanity is selfish.

So "asshole" means either "you're doing something that I don't want you to do" or "you're not doing something which I want you to do"

Fapisluv · 2018-05-05T00:44:29+00:00

Look at their motivation for telling you that. Were you just chilling, and after a few hours your friends came to you and told you that you are an asshole? Then maybe tone it down a bit. Were they asking for a favour, and you said no? Then they feel like they were denied a right. Dont listen to them in that case.

walawalawa · 2018-05-05T03:41:22+00:00

I think the problem became that I stopped giving a fuck.

Ok but....

This includes snide remarks in conversations and telling everyone anything that is on my mind. I was a typical people pleaser and maybe the change is too sudden.

Now you're back to giving a fuck.

This is a situation I faced when i first discovered game. The "Fake it until you make it" means you have to not only act like you don't give a fuck...but you have to actually personally BELIEVE you don't give a fuck.

It's a process. You may want to read more about social calibration.

Saying anything that's on your mind isn't necessarily alpha. You may in fact truly be obnoxious and that's not Red Pill it's more insecure Gamma.

So think through what you're doing and understand what you are getting out of these interactions.

Also start working on Inner Game.

[deleted] · 2018-05-04T21:40:00+00:00

Same thing bas been happening to me. How long does it take for them to see the change? Its been 6weeks

bigbodybuilderr · 2018-05-05T02:46:13+00:00

take that as a compliment kiddo..

semirelevantknt · 2018-05-05T06:07:00+00:00

I'm pretty sure the rational male devotes a couple paragraphs to this exact problem of changing suddenly. You still have a lot to learn. Don't be one of those dumbasses who finds out about trp and thinks he's an alpha now, alienating his friends and thinking he's above them. learn and adapt to the situation.

TheStumblingWolf · 2018-05-05T06:51:35+00:00

Could be you're over compensating. That's not uncommon when you're trying to acquire new habits.

aslak123 · 2018-05-05T07:16:47+00:00

Depends, do you think these people have a low bar for calling someone an asshole?

MisterRoid · 2018-05-05T07:32:13+00:00

It's hard to say without more information, but if they are indeed close (male) friends, you are probably acting like an ass. I have stopped being a people pleaser myself (that is, I'm not doing anything for anyone at my own expense), but I'm still warm and friendly with people I like.

Random_throwaway_000 · 2018-05-05T16:03:55+00:00

telling everyone anything that is on my mind.

DON'T DO THIS! Read 48 laws of power. Law 38: Think as you like, but behave like others.

Also, what's the first 2 rules of Fight Club? The point is to be able to self filter, you can't if you just say anything that's on your mind to the point where people see you as an asshole.

global_sak · 2018-05-05T22:37:05+00:00

You sound to me like some dude who thinks he has grown to “not giving a fuck anymore” but is some closeted social retard or autist. Its clear that multiple people telling you you are an asshole makes you an asshole. Its hard to tell people these things, especially your friends. If they all are saying it separately it highly likely is true.

Do you have no filter when you speak? Do you conciously bring out people’s peeves or things they are self concious about without a reason to do so or where it doesnt fit in the conversation?

Re examine your life

inlovewithyourmother · 2018-05-08T12:58:22+00:00

You just need to show your application of trp more slowly.

Title	All of my close friends have started telling me in private that I am an asshole
Author	yourproblems_
Upvotes	23
Comments	22
Date	May 4, 2018 8:58 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/8h2k6t/all_of_my_close_friends_have_started_telling_me/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/all-of-my-close-friends-have-started-telling-me-in.96381 https://theredarchive.com/post/96381

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