October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month so I thought I would post. I am a male that has been working in DV Advocacy for a couple of years now. AMA

getsome73 · 2015-10-10T02:35:47+00:00

As a male is much suspicion directed at you? By victims/other staff etc.

Hesitant_Observer · 2015-10-10T02:55:04+00:00

First of all, as someone running a shelter, thank you for your service. Two questions; do you focus more on adults, or the children? And have you ever had a situation in which you've worked with "feral children?"

getsome73 · 2015-10-10T03:16:44+00:00

Does your advocacy work at all have a focus on making men and boys aware of the warning signs of what an abusive relationship looks like so they can escape? Second can you tell us what is different about an abusive homosexual and heterosexual relationship and what is the same? I'm afraid our gay brothers are underserved in being made aware of DV and how it is common in there community as well.

ARedthorn · 2015-10-10T09:44:50+00:00

So. Many. Questions.

Over the course of my advocacy, I've found myself becoming a focal point and often sole source of social support for several male victims of sexual assault and domestic violence... Mostly friends and coworkers I'd known for years, who'd thought they were alone, and had been hiding it for years before I spoke up. Since approaching me, I've held 1-on-1 meetings with each, on a semi-regular basis... Including a couple semi-emergency cases.

I only shared my story with about 150 ppl, and 12 came forward with theirs... Some very severe, one on-going.

I live in a major U.S. city, with no shelters or services that support men.

Well- sort of. There's a shelter for rape victims that takes men and women- but their DV services are women and children only... and one of the local services says it offers group counseling for men, but every group on their calendar is women only, and they have no shelter.

Since I'm essentially providing these services all on my own, in my spare time... I've reached out to both of the above groups looking to make contact, get advice, resources, etc. I've explained my situation and need... No one has returned my calls or emails.

As a professional in the field, to an amateur... What advice can you offer- especially as far as resources and support?

Really. Any advice. At all. Especially though:

How can I best approach existing services to get their attention turned towards my issues?

Are there any non-DV services you'd recommend as being good for fulfilling my needs? Maybe not perfect, but... Helpful, and perhaps more approachable?

Any books, resources, etc, that you'd recommend?

I'm looking into grant writing so I can maybe get some real professional cred- certification or a degree... And past that, to start something from scratch in my city, since there's clearly a need. Any advice on how to approach the grant writing, or what (if I land any) to spend it on? Full counseling degree? Legal? Some sort of specialist certification? What works best, what do you recommend for getting something off the ground in a near-vacuum?

Is there a question you think I should have asked? Can you answer that one?

Have I asked too many questions? Thanks in advance.

SigmundFloyd76 · 2015-10-10T11:23:48+00:00

Have you been acquainted with Erin Pizzey yet?

She started the first shelter and she's known for coining the phrase Violence Prone Woman. She's an enlightened and forward thinking human.

nuesuh · 2015-10-10T11:59:32+00:00

Is that a US hotline? Remember reddit is an international 'forum' ;D

HotSauciness · 2015-10-10T15:40:40+00:00

I'm assuming you personally take a more gender-neutral approach to DV, but in your experience how much support is there from other DV advocates for shifting away from discussing "violence against women" to just domestic violence against everyone? E.g., would many of your colleagues support renaming the Violence Against Women Act to stop dismissing male victims of DV?

DougDante · 2015-10-10T19:10:51+00:00

Are men who seek help at your organization treated differently than women?

Are men who seek help at your organization who are straight or bisexual victims of women treated differently than gay men who are victims of men?

Are trans-women treated differently from women?

Do you observe any differences in how people are treated based on their race/ethnicity, country of origin, financial background, etc?

What is the process for determining a victim is not really a victim, either an abusive person, or someone who is simply trying to utilize the protections provided by your agency to gain some advantage, such as housing if they are homeless or extra legal protections or child custody advantages during a divorce proceeding? Is that different for men and women?

FYI, action opportunities for domestic violence victims including minorities and LGBT:

Action Opportunity: Investigate the Appearance of Discrimination Against Boy and Man Domestic Violence Victims

Action Opportunity: Illegal Discrimination Against Male Domestic Violence Victims Kills in Pennsylvania

Action Opportunity: End USDOJ Support for Illegal Discrimination against Boy, Men, LGBT, and Minority Domestic Violence Victims in New Jersey

Action Opportunity: Illegal VAWA Discrimination Against Boy and Men Victims Continues in California, Alaska, Michigan and Nationwide

Action Opportunity: Investigate criminal VAWA discrimination: A New York man is the victim of domestic violence, but when he sought help, police falsified evidence and charged him instead

Action Opportunity: Ask USDOJ to Investigate Possible Civil Rights Violations Leading to the Suicide of Chris Mackney

(California) Action Opportunity: Remind the USDOJ and HHS: The way male domestic abuse victims and their children are treated is a crime

Action Opportunity: Please join me to protect the rights of impoverished African American boys and men in Ferguson, Missouri and elsewhere

Action Opportunity: Illegal Discrimination Against Boys and Men Victims Continues Nationwide This Labor Day Weekend 2014

Action Opportunity: End Shameless Sexism by HHS and DOJ Contracting Agencies; Stop Selectively Ignoring Maternal Kidnapping

ItoAy · 2015-10-11T20:47:22+00:00

Thank you for your service to humanity. When I was a kid in the 70s the Catholic school I paid the tuition for, would not even help me.

Have you run into parents who are now senior citizens, and still in denial of their abuse and neglect? Is there any comfort, or sense of justice, that you can offer their victims?

Thank you for helping. Your work means a lot.

pgaray · 2015-10-14T22:38:28+00:00

Thank you for all that you do!

I just had a couple of questions:

Can a man be arrested if he is accused of being violent towards his spouse?
How difficult is it for a man whom is a victim to be taken seriously by law enforcement, therapists, or social workers?

Title	October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month so I thought I would post. I am a male that has been working in DV Advocacy for a couple of years now. AMA
Author	getsome73
Upvotes	48
Comments	30
Date	October 10, 2015 2:31 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/3o6cw9/october_is_domestic_violence_awareness_month_so_i/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/october-is-domestic-violence-awareness-month-so-i.969685 https://theredarchive.com/post/969685

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