Male survivors of sex assaults often fear they won’t be taken seriously

__theHumanist__ · 2015-06-15T04:42:22+00:00

Sorry about the new account. I don't want this linked to my regular account. I'm sorry if I ramble a little. I normally structure my posts well and logically, but I haven't thought this one through.

Being unable to talk is a real thing. I was lucky because a male friend of mine had a similar experience in his past (I thought I understood him when he told me....). I always figured it would be somebody else because I don't live a wild life. I thought I could trust the people I've known for years. I'd say live and learn, but you go there, going back isn't an option.

Without going into detail (I'm sorry, but the detail of the incident is not my main purpose), a couple dozen shots at a birthday party (with friends you have known almost 20 years) can end terribly if you don't know one of them is willing to fuck you without a condom after you are drifting in and out while passed out (because she wants a child or a relationship or something -- I still don't know except that she was the only person not getting drunk).

In any case, the full effect took a couple weeks to start sinking in. In hindsight, this was certainly because I was attempting to devise scenarios in my head where I might not have been taken advantage of -- where I was a willing participant. It's weird because you know you are clinging to ideas that cannot conceivably be accurate, but they seem more appealing than the reality that someone you thought trustworthy could behave like that.

This was 8 months ago and I get to find out how screwed up my life will be for the next 20 years (depending on if her child is mine or some other unlucky soul). Unlike a woman who can choose to abort the child, I'm stuck in the legal position where the state doesn't care and if the child is mine, I'll have to pay child support to my rapist for a long time simply because the "Tender Years Doctrine" was thrown out by the Supreme Court, but is very much unofficially in effect where I live (according to my lawyer). This problem is compounded because the mother has initial 'possession' of the child which also gives her a huge advantage.

It's not that I dislike the idea of a child in general (I don't hate children and it's certainly not the child's fault), but I can't stand the thought of having to deal with that woman for the rest of my life. Further, knowing that she holds such a low opinion of humanity, how can she possibly raise a child in a good environment? Thinking about the inevitability of the situation turns my stomach into knots.

In my case, it wasn't that I was uninformed; I had read a great deal about Men's Rights, MGTOW, and similar a year or so before. I knew the CDC numbers for male rape/forced-to-penetrate, but I ignorantly accepted on some level that I was immune because of the company I kept or that someone else had made a mistake that I knew to avoid.

A couple other people have heard the story (without any names) and simply laughed. The women thought it funny or enpowering. The men wanted to be that 'lucky' and couldn't see a world where the person in the story wasn't "humble bragging". This is why I don't believe I'm going to talk. The potential downside to my social and professional circles is too great (I think the latter is not mentioned enough as unlike women, a man who talks about such things is at an immediate disadvantage at work due to society perceptions).

Most men have to go it alone with even their closest friends and family not understanding or actively belittling them. I feel so lucky that I have a couple people in my life who understand and trust me. I hope the people who read this will think twice about their reactions to the people in their life.

bustyblondefromimgur · 2015-06-14T22:27:42+00:00

I wrote a long ass paper on this :D My professor hated it

specterofthepast · 2015-06-15T00:38:06+00:00

What on earth could make them feel like they won't be taken seriously? /s

AutoModerator · 2015-06-14T17:53:53+00:00

I don't mean to nitpick, but is "survivors" really the correct word to use? Because I'm pretty sure that sexual assault =/ murder.

I'm all for true equality but using buzz words to try and make something seem even larger than it is won't do any good for the cause in the long run.

Am I being crazy here?

primar1 · 2015-06-15T18:10:50+00:00

Why? Because even the most innocuous story (I managed to break away and spend twenty minutes throwing water balloons with friends instead of going on a walk, and was told she would have run into traffic because of it if she hadn't run into 'person') I relayed, legally should have triggered an investigation.. EDIT:Bit more context, the counselors at my previous unversity were a part of,a nd required to report to the rest of, the title ix process.

TheRealMouseRat · 2015-06-14T19:15:25+00:00

"I was out fucking another woman, just go back to sleep"

2015-06-15T11:52:21+00:00

Perhaps male survivors of sexual assault fear that they won't be taken seriously because society, at large, doesn't take us seriously.

caius_iulius_caesar · 2015-06-15T12:53:25+00:00

I wonder whatever gives them that idea?

crabpipe · 2015-06-15T17:26:58+00:00

want to seem them not be taken seriously in real-time? read this thread: http://np.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/39ux0j/serious_men_who_have_been_raped_by_women_what/

kjvlv · 2015-06-15T02:16:44+00:00

Nice

orcworc · 2015-06-14T23:23:49+00:00

It is a sign of a man to be physically larger than feeble women, so of course naturally you will not be taken seriously. You should be able to defend yourself against a women, now if there rhonda rhousey level of stuff than I can imagine the assault to be real. That being said i've had my assed layed out on a mat before by a woman.

SpaghettiPatrolla · 2015-06-14T20:11:09+00:00

"the women unexpectedly started pouring him shots, and one told him she was going to thank him for all of his help."

LOOOOOOOOL get the fuck out of here. That is not sexual assault.

Title	Male survivors of sex assaults often fear they won’t be taken seriously
Author	Musichead2468
Upvotes	857
Comments	53
Date	June 14, 2015 3:45 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/39ta5n/male_survivors_of_sex_assaults_often_fear_they/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/male-survivors-of-sex-assaults-often-fear-they.977625 https://theredarchive.com/post/977625

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