A Gentlemen’s Guide To Rape Culture

blueoak9 · 2014-06-02T17:50:15+00:00

If you are a man, you are part of rape culture. I know … that sounds rough. You’re not a rapist, necessarily. But you do perpetuate the attitudes and behaviors commonly referred to as rape culture.

So all men are part of the problem, period?

wtknight · 2014-06-02T17:40:27+00:00

It seems to me that trying to act "non-threatening" when you are walking near a woman late at night might have just the opposite effect ("This man is trying to draw attention to himself," she thinks. "What does he want from me?") You're better off just being yourself and if she has a problem with your presence then she is the one with the problem, not you. The virtuous man should not feel responsible for all of the crimes that other male shitheads do, and if the woman has a problem with your mere presence even if you are minding your own business then that is her problem, not your problem.

TacticusThrowaway · 2014-06-02T18:25:42+00:00

Notice how the article doesn't actually describe "rape culture" until a third of the way in, after it's already tried to push the male reader into feeling defensive, and then uses an almost exclusively M>F definition of it and rape (barring a token mention of two dudes). Which is ironic, considering that even many feminists ~~lie~~ say that the term is gender neutral.

It's also odd that feminism insists that women don't need no man, but when it comes to rape, articles like this say it's all up to men, and exclusively men, to stop it.

c0mputar123 · 2014-06-02T23:11:14+00:00

The first red flag is that the author can barely define rape culture. But, apparently this is what it means:

A woman must consider where she is going, what time of day it is, what time she will arrive at her destination and what time she will leave her destination, what day of the week is it, if she will be left alone at any point … ... at least half the population doesn't enjoy.

So, it's about feeling vulnerable. Should women feel afraid, and/or are men overestimating their own safety? Both. Men are overwhelmingly the victim of all crimes except severe sexual violence. However, the judicial system is very biased against male victims of sexual violence, especially if the perpetrator is female. In addition, surveys have historically (and still do) excluded male victims of female sexual violence from their definitions or screening questions. If you look at the data and correct the sexist exclusion of male victims of sexual violence, you find that annual rates of sexual victimization are quite similar across all types. CDC NISVS 2010 has very thorough 12 month data that supports this reality.

Ultimately, this author is wrong to say men have no need or do not fear, just like other people are wrong to say women shouldn't be afraid. These are feelings, and those are subjective. But if we want to talk about justified feelings, men are as justified as women for feeling fearful.

His definition of rape culture doesn't even make sense because we know men do fear, and are victimized, sexually or not, at similar or far higher rates than women.

Men are the primary agents and sustainers of rape culture. Rape isn’t exclusively committed by men. Women aren’t the only victims — men rape men, women rape men — but what makes rape a men’s problem, our problem, is the fact that men commit 99% of reported rapes.

Not according to the feminists' own surveys. The CDC NISVS 2010 debunked the reality that men commit 99% of rapes, when they found that nearly 40% of annual rape victims reported a female perpetrator. Secondly, the judicial system, including the FBI, is very hesitant to actually consider women to be rapists. The FBI has only recently changed the definition of rape to allow for men to be raped by women, however their manual for reporting is so poorly defined that reporters have a lot more discretion with regards to labeling women as perpetrators of rape. Furthermore, there is a propensity for the crown to charge women for sexual assault, and not rape, when an adult male is the victim. Finally, there is the societal perception that women cannot rape men which discourages male victims from reporting, and ridicules men and boys that do. Ultimately, the feminists' surveys paint a clearer picture that shows sexual violence victimizing the genders at very similar rates, and women perpetrate far more than most people would expect.

It is noteworthy that the author states that it's "reported" rapes. These are instances where the police decide a rape was described in a report made by an alleged victim. If male victims of rape do report their victimization, it can still be filtered at the investigative process to not be considered rape.

When I cross a parking lot at night and see a woman ahead of me, I do whatever I feel is appropriate to make her aware of me so that a) I don’t startle her b) she has time to make herself feel safe/comfortable and ... I have to keep in mind her sense of space and that my presence might make her feel vulnerable. That’s the key factor — vulnerability.

When I cross a parking lot at night and see a white person ahead of me, I do whatever I feel is appropriate to make her aware of me so that a) I don’t startle them b) they have time to make themselves feel safe/comfortable and c) if it’s possible, I can approach in a way that’s clearly friendly, in order to let them know I’m not a threat. I do this because I’m a man. Basically, I acknowledge every woman I meet on the street, or in an elevator, or in a stairway, or wherever, in a way that indicates they are safe. I want them to feel just as comfortable as if I weren’t there. I accept that any white person I encounter in public doesn’t know me, and thus, all she sees is a visible minority — one who is suddenly near them. I have to keep in mind their sense of space and that my presence might make them feel vulnerable. That’s the key factor — vulnerability.

Rape culture is about the appearance of vulnerability, but it's still sexist, just like it was and would be horrifically racist and million man march worthy of fighting if a visible minority, typically black men were the victims, were the topic of this point.

As modern men we must seek out danger. We choose adventures and extreme sports in order to feel like we’re in jeopardy. We make games of our vulnerability. That’s how differently men see the world from women. (Obviously, stated with full acknowledgment that there’s a vibrant community of extreme athletes that are women, who regularly risk their safety as well. However, women don’t need to engage in adrenalin sports to feel at-risk.)

We pay the price too, with inordinately high rates of work place deaths, injuries, murders, severe assaults, assaults, muggings, etc...

Now, I stand about a finger of tequila under six feet. I work out and would say I’m in decent shape, which means when I’m out alone at night, I rarely ever fear for my safety. Many men know exactly what I mean. Most women have no idea what that feels like — to go wherever you want in the world, at any time of day or night, and feel you won’t have a problem. In fact, many women have the exact opposite experience.

So physically non-intimidating men are victims of this "rape culture"? Violence against men afflict all shapes and sizes.

You may think it’s unfair that we have to counteract and adjust ourselves for the ill behavior of other men. You know what? You’re right. It is unfair. Is that the fault of women? Or is it the fault of the men who act abysmally and make the rest of us look bad? If issues of fairness bother you, get mad at the men who make you and your actions appear questionable.

No, I'll get mad at people who hold unfair sexist prejudices against me. I'm an individual, I will not be held responsible for the actions of those I have no control over.

Because when it comes to assessing a man, whatever one man is capable of, a woman must presume you are capable of. Unfortunately, that means all men must be judged by our worst example. If you think that sort of stereotyping is bullshit, how do you treat a snake you come across in the wild?

Because when it comes to assessing a muslim, whatever one muslim is capable of, a woman must presume you are capable of. Unfortunately, that means all muslims must be judged by our worst example. If you think that sort of stereotyping is bullshit, how do you treat a snake you come across in the wild?

…You treat it like a snake, right? Well, that’s not stereotyping, that’s acknowledging an animal for what it’s capable of doing and the harm it can inflict. Simple rules of the jungle, man. Since you are a man, women must treat you as such.

Reptiles do not have a neocortex. That does a great deal to prevent some kind of individuality among reptiles. The same reasoning applies to wild animals in general, they are not conditioned to think, but rather to instinctively act. Men are not wild animals. This author is so offensive it makes me chuckle.

The completely reasonable and understandable fear of men is your responsibility. You didn’t create it. But you also didn’t build the freeways either. Some of the things you inherit from society are cool and some of them are rape culture.

People that think they share in the achievements of those in their "group" are really pathetic in my book.

Rape prevention is not just about women teaching women how not to get raped — it’s about men not committing rape.

This author should be careful. What he just did was a carnal sin in the books of SJWs. Under no circumstance do you talk about teaching women how not to get raped. This guy doesn't have what it takes to be a SJW. I can see the common sense lurking between the lines here, so there's hope for him still.

73% of the time a woman knows her rapist. Now, if she can’t trust and accurately assess the intentions of men she knows, how can you expect her to ever feel that she can accurately assess you, a complete stranger? .... how do we, as men, stop rapes from occurring, and how do we dismantle the structures that dismiss it and change the attitudes that tolerate it?

No suggestions provided of course.

deadalnix · 2014-06-02T18:36:40+00:00

[permanently deleted]

rogersmith25 · 2014-06-02T20:56:07+00:00

I’ve come to learn that women spend most of their social lives with ever-present, unavoidable feelings of vulnerability.

and

Now, I stand about a finger of tequila under six feet. I work out and would say I’m in decent shape, which means when I’m out alone at night, I rarely ever fear for my safety.

I think that these two quotes perfectly illustrate why the concept of "rape culture" is the cause. Rape culture teaches women that they are vulnerable and teaches men that they are not.

The issue is the perception of danger, not danger itself. Women feel vulnerable and men do not... and that's because that is how they are taught to feel.

So the author is average height and average fitness and feels safe to walk by himself at night. How about through a dangerous part of town? Because that's what happened to a good friend of mine when he got jumped by a gang of teens - boys and girls - and ended up in the hospital with a long recovery. Same story for another friend who got "knock out gamed" and ended up needed reconstructive facial and dental work.

Men are more likely to be victims of this kind of violence... but why teach young men to be safe. They're men. They're part of the problem, right?

I know that this is anecdotal, but I can list many male friends who were attacked, robbed, mugged, etc. and not a single female friend. Maybe it's time we teach everyone to feel a little vulnerable...

Maybe feeling vulnerable when you are vulnerable is healthy and normal, and feeling invincible is foolhardy and dangerous.

On the other hand, feeling vulnerable when you are not vulnerable is just learned paranoia. The author says women spend "most of their social lives" feeling vulnerable... he then demands we stop and think about it.

I did.

I think that sounds like borderline mental illness. It's an anxiety disorder. You feel vulnerable while at work in the lunch-room with friends and coworkers? You feel vulnerable watching TV with your family? That is a level of paranoia that is completely unhealthy.

And that paranoia is caused by this type of discussion of "rape culture".

PierceHarlan · 2014-06-02T19:38:38+00:00

RAINN disagrees with this person. And RAINN knows a lot more about it.

http://www.cotwa.info/2014/03/rainn-deserves-our-support.html

chavelah · 2014-06-02T20:07:23+00:00

One thing really stood out there - this guy says he's not afraid of being attacked on the street. Let's assume he's telling the truth. I, personally, AM afraid of being attacked when I'm walking alone on a deserted street. The data suggests that that he should be much more a fraud and I should be much less afraid. What do we do to bring people's emotional reactions in line with verifiable reality?

johnmarkley · 2014-06-03T01:35:31+00:00

Women aren’t the only victims — men rape men, women rape men — but what makes rape a men’s problem, our problem, is the fact that men commit 99% of reported rapes.

I'm glad to hear that the whole issue with rape being underreported that feminists often lament is apparently no longer a problem.

thomastullis · 2014-06-05T02:20:07+00:00

"A Gentleman's Guide to Rape Culture"? I read it. The author makes some good points- but overall, I could never share this article with anyone. In fact, it's a terrible piece of writing based off of selective fact finding, subjugation of women, and promotion of dangerously extreme stereotyping.

What a collectivist, no? This guy says that all men are a "part of rape culture". In fact, it is the very first thing he says. He goes on to say that as a man, you are somehow responsible for the actions of other men? Is it terribly difficult to see the obvious discriminatory prejudice that this guy is promoting with his stereotyping classification?

This guy goes off about how noble it is that he makes women feel comfortable around him and how he consciously attempts to "let her know I’m not a threat.". A man doesnt need to publicize that he is not a rapist for the same reason that a muslim doesnt need to publicize that he's not a terrorist.

So who is responsible for rape? THE SOCIOPATHS WHO RAPE, OF COURSE. How is blaming rape on a "culture" not excusing rapists from their actions? No one is making the stretch that murder is promoted by murder jokes or cultural pressure on people to succeed or seek revenge or any of the other motivations for murder. Rape is a direct cause of a select few making the conscious decision to rape.

Of course another big problem with this article is that he bases his concept of "rape culture" on the idea that women are generally weaker than men. He perpetrates this idea throughout his essay- talking about his physique and how strong he is and how appropriate he is in making the "weaker" women feel comfortable around him. THAT is rape culture. Being so aware of women's vulnerability in order to REMIND them of it whenever you see them?

This guy does a good job of telling women how vulnerable they are and telling men how invulnerable they are. He's twisting a real problem of danger into an unrealistic, paranoid perception of danger for women. Believe it or not, saying that "women spend most of their social lives with ever-present, unavoidable feelings of vulnerability. Stop and think about that. Imagine always feeling like you could be at risk, like you were living with glass skin." does not EMPOWER women, it SHACKLES and SUBJUGATES women as weak, vulnerable creatures.

Slutlord-Fascist · 2014-06-02T15:42:01+00:00

Rape culture don't real.

Unmouldeddoor3 · 2014-06-02T15:40:49+00:00

Is this some sort of satire?

MunchkinPuncher · 2014-06-03T15:46:22+00:00

So, this article is dumb. This one (↓) is a decent albeit off-color rebuttal.

http://theantibullshit.wordpress.com/2014/03/19/rape-culture-culture/

Title	A Gentlemen’s Guide To Rape Culture
Author	Whyisthisathing12
Upvotes	17
Comments	27
Date	June 2, 2014 2:22 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/2742g9/a_gentlemens_guide_to_rape_culture/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/a-gentlemens-guide-to-rape-culture.999799 https://theredarchive.com/post/999799

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