14 overnights vs. 50/50

HistoricalRich280 · 2026-01-09T04:27:17+00:00

The battle cry for 50/50 is a racket that activates our manly ego and takes focus away from quality of our children’s lives.

Judge has said what they will give. After this time, take it man. Move on with life. Enjoy your children with the time you have.

According-Designer15 · 2026-01-09T02:32:57+00:00

Man, three years of litigation, false DV arrest, kicked out of your house, and now you're at the finish line with the judge recommending 14 overnights instead of true 50/50, I get why you're asking if it's worth pushing for one more night when you're this close and exhausted. But here's the thing: 14 overnights isn't 50/50, it's 46.7%, and depending on how Illinois calculates child support, that percentage gap could cost you thousands annually because a lot of states tie support directly to overnights, not just income. It's not about the label, it's about what that number means legally who's the "primary" parent for future modifications, relocations, or if she decides to go back to court in two years. You've survived three years of every tactic in the book and fought your way back from every other weekend to almost equal time accepting "close enough" now when the judge is already signaling he's open to something near 50/50 sets a precedent that you're okay being the secondary parent, and after everything she's put you through, you know she'll use any advantage later. Push for true 50/50 and frame it as what's best for the kids after three years of instability, not as you being difficult.

painfulletdown · 2026-01-08T23:23:54+00:00

silver bullet recipient and 50/50 here too my brother. I don't know the age of your kids, but I would probably take it in your situation, especially if the overnights are scheduled in a way that is beneficial to you and the kids. I would probably lean toward not contradicting the judge.

A couple things to watch out for is that financially she will technically get all the tax dependents, so you could try to negotiate something as compensation or a more reasonable child support / alimony.

1millionBURNINGsuns · 2026-01-08T22:35:23+00:00

If there’s 50/50 legal custody then it seems like this is a reasonable compromise given everything else to have this almost 50/50 physical FWIW. I’m not an expert in all states etc.

Congrats on being an awesome dad

Good work sir!

no_user_selected · 2026-01-08T20:34:42+00:00

I have 45%, I think that is pretty close to 14 nights (I have 3 nights every week, and 1 week is 4 nights). The difference between 45 and 50 is 1 night a month, and I just accepted it. My ex went in wanting 80/20 and was making all kinds of allegations, luckily the court saw through it and tried to balance it out.

I would take the 14 overnights as a win, and maybe in a few years go back for 50 if you really want to, I actually think the 45 works pretty well for me.

I just counted January and mine is 15 days, but February is 13. 14 might be the same 45% that I have.

notconvinced780 · 2026-01-08T20:26:04+00:00

An argument to consider may be, as the court has seen, my STBXW has shown a willingness to act however she feels will most likely get her the best outcome (false DV claims, dragging out the process to 3 years, etc.) regardless of whether such behavior is honorable, fair, truthful or damaging to those around her. She has demonstrated and “ends justify the means” morality. I would greatly prefer to have my kids spend less time in a household where those are the values being modeled for them and normalized. To that end and for the benefit of my kids, I ask that STBXW receive the 14 day per month parental custody share and that I receive the 16-17 days per month in the court’s proposed split.

ToughPill · 2026-01-08T20:05:38+00:00

First, congratulations on surviving.

Going from 6 nights per month to 14 is a major gain. Judge clearly recognizes that you are a fit and capable parent and wants you to have more time. The judge in his recommendation basically told you what he wants to rule and you will be hard pressed to get more, and it might peeve him and he could give you less.

Big thing is that whatever you’re asking for has to make sense. You can’t say “I’m asking for 50-50 custody because that’s what all these divorced guys say to fight for, and if I get less than that then it will feel like an insult to my status as a father” Judges don’t want to hear it.

Custody is a job, not a prize.

Title	14 overnights vs. 50/50
Author	soco420
Upvotes	3
Comments	11
Date	January 8, 2026 7:53 PM UTC (7 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1q7m1w6/14_overnights_vs_5050/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/14-overnights-vs-5050.1570746 https://theredarchive.com/post/1570746

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