Hello everyone. Me (34) and my wife (39) for the past couple years have been very cold/hot After our business went down I felt she blamed me for everything wrong going with her life. Always making me feel like I am not enough and I should have known better for every action I ever made.

I thought she was the one, we were so happy and in love only for everything to crash and burn.

I blamed life, god, luck, me but never blamed her for everything. I used to be in amazing shape all my life and never touch alcohol. Now I drink every day a bottle. I don't have energy for gym, have no friends and barely talk to my family. We have no kids but we have pets together and that is something that concerns me.

I also left my country to go live with her in her country. So I have no one except her here. At the moment I am unemployed and feeling alone in a foreign country.

Some days it feel like we can turn this around by after 2 or 3 days again some issue arises and I am always the problem.

I can't remember the last time I had an issue with her. It's always something I did or haven't learned to fix. I always feel small and not enough.

I spend my days fearing what will come next and alcohol is the only thing that helps with that.

I don't want to divorce her but I see she won't initiate it for whatever reason. I told thee multiple times if she is unhappy why is she with me and we should divorce but she never replies.

I feel low and alone and I don't even know why I wrote this. I just brace my self.

Any words are welcomed. Thank you in advance for your time