Howdy men! First time posting here but found the information and support here amazing. I'm posting from my mobile, but here goes: I've been separated for over a year and going through divorce. We are both are using attorneys. I've been planning my divorce for several years, as I've been married to a spouse with serious NPD and BPD traits.

Anyway, I planned things more our less for several years since we ended up with 3 young kids, and finally pulled the trigger once the youngest turned three after I had managed to purchase another home, which I'm walking away from so she can have it. I now live in my other property, which is 5 minutes down the road and isn't nearly as nice. It was intended to makes divorce easier for everyone, keep us both whole in a way, and provide a place for her to live, as she's not capable of purchasing a home. She's a decent income earner, but horrible with money and can't seem to get much above a 500 credit score for very long. We live in California so housing is bonkers and part of the reason to delay the official divorce was so she could get her credit up and line up a family member to co-sign so she could take over the mortgage at the fantastic rate I scored in early 2021.

After we separated in early 2021 I got some administrative stuff done (refi) and we received settlement from a law suite we were both a party to, and it's go time, officially filled like 8 months ago and off to the races. We split kids 50/50. Here's the current situation:

STBX is a decent income earner, was laid off at end of 2021 and hasn't pursued finding a full time job. She got a part time gig which suites her lifestyle and told me she's pursuing finding full time, better paying work.

STBX hasn't responded yet to disclosures so we are in a holding pattern. It's been several months.

STBX has blown through a significant amount of the legal settlement we both received- about $25k- in a few months.

STBX has taken out a personal loan and missed payments, as well as maxed out several of her credit cards and missed payments, further damaging her credit. I don't monitor her credit anymore since we separated but still get the alerts emailed to me for some reason.

STBX isn't responding to my emails requesting that we pay off our owed taxes from 2020 when we were still married, since we now have the cash. Most the taxes due is hers but "community" since we were married. Currently we are on a payment plan.

STBX is spending significant time when she doesn't have the kids with her polyamory friends in the city (about 2 hrs from us). Could care less she's getting spit roasted but starting to get pissed that she's blowing all her settlement money (pun intended), while not paying her half of the taxes we owe, getting her credit in order, finding a full time job, or responding in a timely fashion to divorce proceedings.

She hasn't been contributing 50/50 to the kids and all those responsibilities either but I'm not going to get into that.

With that said I'm not sure what to do in terms of how much furry I should start to bring down with my attorney. I'm trying to stay above board with her. I already know she's screwed up mentally and already been dealing with it a long time. I'm in heaven just not living with her anymore, but she's really blowing it with her credit and not making an effort to get a better job. I'm not sure what's possible for her with her current income and credit even with a co signer, and I'm concerned she'll lose the house which totally screws the whole divorce plan and isn't good for the kids. I put my hard earned money and sweat equity and additional years of staying in a miserable marriage so this could work for our kids.

So, I'm looking for advice. I know I need to document everything, but I'm not really sure how. Also, given her behavior, how can I set it up so I can buy her out when she can't keep the house?

Of course I'll be speaking with my attorney about all this stuff, but wanted to finally reach out to the community for ideas and advice before I throw a bunch of money at my attorney.

Anyone had success hiring a PI to document there STBX's behavior? I.e. show that she blows all her money partying with swingers in fancy hotels and isn't making an effort to work out find full time work?

Thanks for reading....