I'm a member of AA, 6 months sober now. It was something my STBX was encouraging me to do, and she was happy and supportive. At first.

She's got a longstanding relationship with marijuana. I'm allergic to the stuff so I don't care about it one way or the other. We agreed to an uncontested divorce 3 months ago, but recently things have been getting better between us and I mentioned counseling or group therapy to just see if there's anything there, at all, before we go through with filing the paperwork. She said no, and the main reason is because she doesn't want to be married to someone who is in recovery for substance abuse. My jaw dropped. All the years of her asking me to stop, all the time I spent ignoring her with a beer in hand, all of the fights, financial problems, hangovers...it's all gone. I'm making positive changes and getting my shit together. But she feels that she can't be herself, that every time she smokes weed she's afraid it's going to trigger me, which again, I'm allergic, so no. That she can't bring alcohol into her own house. I never made that a boundary, I'm solid in my program and alcohol doesn't bother me at all anymore. It was so baffling. So it looks like I'll be going ahead with the paperwork, but while part of me gets it, what she's expressing, part of me is like what the actual fuck, ya know? I don't know if anyone else has been here, but I'm open to all thoughts on this matter. ✌️