Anyone else feel that only going back can save them?

CharacterProper8732 · 2025-04-23T21:18:01+00:00

This is a deep illusion caused by the manufacture (either by you or them) of enmeshment and dependence. If you got to a point where you believed that you couldn't live without them, you're creating not collaboration but codependency.

Something I relearned during my separation and in the last few years of my marriage is that a healthy relationship looks more like two individuals working together than one couple/unit and that the feeling of going back is more about certainty than it is about happiness, growth, generosity, love, etc. That love isn't someone you have but something you feel and communicate.

If that doesn't jive with your experience, think of it like this: you are returning them and they are returning you to the place where each of you came, better and smarter and more capable (hopefully!) than you would have if you had stayed in whatever 'that' was.

Therapy, journaling, acceptance, gym, reading. And really examining accepting the truth: in all likelihood, she's already moved on.

Content-Class1259 · 2025-04-23T06:44:54+00:00

I lived that for almost two years, and all it did was compound the pain and hurt…she moved on, while I sat back and watched my life disappear. She used to get things done while I was in the mood of giving anything to get her back, while she planed weekends away with boyfriends. No going back brother, move on & up!

Confident-Crawdad · 2025-04-23T04:53:32+00:00

It can sure feel like it, brother. I felt it for a year. Then the incidents of her screwing me over began to pile up and I took off the rosy glasses.

Now I realize I can't take her back. She's like Old Yeller, I love her but I can't trust her anymore.

Title	Anyone else feel that only going back can save them?
Author	Koldfacejillah
Upvotes	6
Comments	6
Date	April 22, 2025 11:42 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1k5473c/anyone_else_feel_that_only_going_back_can_save/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/anyone-else-feel-that-only-going-back-can-save.1550346 https://theredarchive.com/post/1550346

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