Anyone else have a STBXW with Petulant type BPD?

JustSomeDude7287 · 2024-08-12T00:35:14+00:00

Do not tell her or diagnose her, it will further enflame her. If she refused therapy then she’s not ready. It is not your responsibility to lose your mental health trying to get her to help herself.

Something just spark a thought in my head. I wonder is if when we start trying to work on ourselves that’s when things get worse? I was getting a dad bod so I started building a home gym and I got into shape. I started to dress better then somewhere during that period the affair happened.

She was diagnosed by a psychiatrist with BPD.

doggyboop · 2024-08-11T23:11:14+00:00

Sadly, yes.

She exhibited a lot of strange behavior throughout our relationship. For the first few years they were not so common but still very disruptive and, looking back now, major red flags. In 2017 and onward these negative behaviors increased in frequency and our relationship began to slowly deteriorate. To make matters worse, she began falling into cyclical major depression.

If I am being completely honest I shortchanged myself. Sunken costs and perhaps lowered self-esteem kept me pushing forward to a "better day". There were months-long periods of normalcy when we shared a lot of love and respect for each other. Times like that always boosted my confidence that I was making the right decision to stick it out. I was able to convince myself that "we're good now". Inevitably, she would split on me over a fairly trivial matter which would lead to days of frustrating fights, circular arguments and heightened levels of anxiety. I chose to ignore the red flags.

In the 12 years we were together I can honestly say that we had more good times than bad. Hers was a 'mild' form of BPD (if there is such a thing).

Why did I stay for so long? We had the same goals, sex was off the charts and I was completely smitten with my very own curvy Nicole Kidman. My ex wife is an incredibly beautiful woman. In hindsight, it was not worth it. Some people are hard to love and hard to leave.

Although I knew things weren't right for quite a while I never knew there was a name for this type of behavior. One night of venting to a close friend over beers he sent me a video and asked if I could resonate with what was being said. The video he shared is very similar to the one you linked in this discussion. Although the video was 12 minutes long it took me nearly an hour to get through. Like you, I teared up and had to pause it to take time to process.

I am nearly 6 months separated. I still have days where I get angry at myself for not knowing better, for choosing to ignore the red flags. I am slowly forgiving myself. These days, the peace that I now enjoy has greatly increased the quality of my life. I wouldn't trade that for the world.

I'm sorry you had a similar experience. I hope you are able to carry forward life lessons and know how to better navigate these situations in the future.

grimxluna4ever · 2024-08-11T22:30:38+00:00

17 years with a diagnosed BPD. First thing I want to say is I'm sorry. I experienced it all. In the end, which took a year and a half of her plotting and planning against me, she had stolen from me, assassinated my character. Lies lies lies. Other men. The triangulation. In the meantime I was working my ass off. Taking care of kids. Working on the house we had just bought. Doing her laundry. Get it? Last year she had me to the point of being broken and sick. Luckily I spent the last year at the gym and working on me. I knew she was BPD. But was still under the spell. Haul ass my friend. You'll get over her I promise. What she did to you will take time. She has brainwashed you. Seek therapy. Meds if necessary. The healthier you become, the more she will try to be present in your life. Good luck getting rid of her. You may need to relocate. She's not done with you yet. And may never be. You're in a relationship with a sick person. Get out now.

henrysmyagent · 2024-08-11T19:37:21+00:00

Nobody warned you. Let the next guy figure it out.

Caveat Emptor

Slowloris81 · 2024-08-11T19:16:42+00:00

Yes. Classic traits of borderline with toxic narcissism. There is nothing to fix it if she’s unwilling to recognize the problem. The abuse kept escalating until it culminated in its logical conclusion of a physical assault in front of the kids. Get out and document what you can when you can if there is no return.

Extension-Mail234 · 2024-08-11T17:26:30+00:00

Here’s one video that fits my wife’s behavior almost perfectly. Actually teared up halfway through watching it as I felt so validated…thought I’ve been going crazy for years wondering what on earth could explain her behavior and trying to fix it: https://youtu.be/tuH53OCBF60?si=6hxp0UPMtb4zE2fG

Title	Anyone else have a STBXW with Petulant type BPD?
Author	Extension-Mail234
Upvotes	11
Comments	23
Date	August 11, 2024 5:22 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1epq8ia/anyone_else_have_a_stbxw_with_petulant_type_bpd/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/anyone-else-have-a-stbxw-with-petulant-type-bpd.1527028 https://theredarchive.com/post/1527028

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