Can someone help become functional again.

darmitage55 · 2026-05-15T01:14:21+00:00

Six years of court is traumatic. Like, actually traumatic. Your nervous system is stuck in fight-or-flight and doesn't know the war is over. That panic when you sit still isn't weakness, it's just a wired-in alarm that hasn't gotten the memo yet.

The drink and vape at night makes total sense as a survival move. But they're probably keeping you stuck in that loop too.

One thing that helped me: just get outside and walk. No destination. Not a workout. Just move. Small towns are actually decent for that.

KingJon85 · 2026-05-13T14:51:34+00:00

Read Feeling Good by Dr David Burns. It will help with the anxiety and negative thoughts. I mean read, as in get a physical copy and do the work.

Read or listen to Can't Hurt Me by David Goggins. This book made me really begin to appreciate all challenges in life. Hard times create growth, if you channel the energy correctly. This has also made me stop making excuses for things like going to the gym.

Im listening to The Road Less Traveled by Scott Peck right now, and i find many parts useful and intriguing

Take time for growth each day.

yourefunny · 2026-05-13T12:53:09+00:00

Hey man, sorry you are going through this. I have been stuck in a similar doom spiral for the past year. My biggest crutch was alcohol so definitely steer clear of that. Thankfully I have avoided court. My issues are mainly self caused, I am the reason for the break up etc. But my guilt and dark thoughts have kept me in a state of depression for the last year. I work in an office but it is basically just me as have taken over my Dads struggling business. Work stress on top of things make life hard. No mates anywhere near me. In recent weeks thanks to a bit of a rock bottom I have been going to AA which has helped as most evenings I get to chat to someone. I started back at the gym. Started chatting to people in there a tiny bit. This week in AA there has been a lot of talk about change and humility and not looking to the past but looking at how you can move forward and change for the better. Which has been really encouraging for me during a pretty tough time.

I have reached out to get some therapy this week. Have an assessment on Friday.

Sport has always been a big part of my life until kids came along so I am looking to get back in to that. Cycling after rugby injuries was great. I am looking to join a club and ride with them at the weekend. Also looking to get in to cricket and water polo again which I haven't played since I was in my early 20s.

I appreciate that retirees aren't the best for this. But I know many retirees that love to cycle. Hike etc. Have a look for that kind of stuff. Older people can be great fun to hangout with.

What interests do you have? I am sure there are some hobbies you can jump in to depending what you like. I just recently started reading again instead of doom scrolling in the evenings when I am alone. I started to try and help me fall asleep better, which I am still unsure if it is helping ( I think the gym has been better for that), but the book I am reading is great.

As for youtube. Man I have so many channels that I love. But I am unsure how that will help you. I have numerous for woodworking that I used to do. Have been meaning to get back in to it.

TheDavenessPhD · 2026-05-13T10:10:24+00:00

You have no idea how massive just making this post is in what you're trying to achieve.
You feel fine when the kids are around because you're serving someone, and serving gives you purpose.
The rest of what you're describing is because you stopped serving yourself.

I've started making some videos on YouTube to help me process the almost three years of hell that I've been through. Maybe some of it helps.

https://www.youtube.com/@thedavidvdberg

Rare_Psychology_8853 · 2026-05-13T03:49:46+00:00

My therapist once showed me a print out of the Wheel of life. You can google it. It’s all the stuff a person needs in life and if you’re missing too much of it your life basically sucks

Basically there’s different reasons for depression. Sometimes it’s just fucked up chemicals in your body. Sometimes it’s a single difficult event like a job loss or a family death. Sometimes it’s that your life really does…kind of…suck.

And to me that’s what you’re describing. Your life sucks. So of course you feel unhappy and empty. You need to increase those wedges in the wheel of life. Friendships and community don’t fall into our laps, we have to work for them.

For me, it was joining multiple meetups and also volunteering for a church that does food pantry deliveries and other stuff. Also I stopped half assing the gym and committed to a structured program. Couch to 5k plus a lifting program for women. It was scheduled. Regimented. No more “trying to hit the gym” it was “did I do the thing I promised to do today or not?”

I also started improving myself, started actually doing my therapy homework as well as investing in my career and the business I was half assing.

Make it your mission. Look at that wheel of life and identify 1 thing you could be doing in each category. And then go do it. No excuses. Unless you just want to stay miserable.

No_Card_9958 · 2026-05-13T01:14:36+00:00

There have to be people to meet up with inside an hours drive. Make it a part time job to find them.

Puzzleheaded-Loan238 · 2026-05-13T00:25:21+00:00

Man, I feel ya. Seems like its not been long for you? But, either way, the best solution is time! Its true. Itll all work out in time. While you can, push yourself to just do things you, like. Even if it feels dumb, or lonely, itll take practice snd eventually youll realize your current, is in the past.

curiouszm · 2026-05-13T00:20:48+00:00

Try checking out John Griffin Life2.0 on YouTube, I think he's played a huge roll in my recovery. I'm still working on myself for sure but I'm in a better place than I was a couple of months ago.

Title	Can someone help become functional again.
Author	X72-9
Upvotes	5
Comments	8
Date	May 13, 2026 12:12 AM UTC (2 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1tbjfb9/can_someone_help_become_functional_again/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/can-someone-help-become-functional-again.1580275 https://theredarchive.com/post/1580275

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