Being two years post divorce. I thought I'd give a little bit of my personal insight to those who are about to go through. Being two years out of the process. I thought I'd give a little bit of my personal insight to those who are about to go through or are going through the process.

  1. Fight for time with your kids. Your kids thrive best by having a robust relationship with both parents and their families, it adds tremendous value to their lives.

  2. 50/50 schedule can be intimidating, but know that you're up for the task. Bless your kids with your focus and time. Remind them that they are important, loved by you, and you want to spend as much time with them as you can.

    Kids feel loved when you spend your time and energy on them. If you need to, use the courts to create a temporary parenting agreement that provides the schedule that you prefer. Most states have a 50-50 custody standard.

  3. Hire two professionals immediately. 1st the best lawyer you can find. Interview your lawyer personally. if they're not willing to fight for you, get a new lawyer that will. 2nd an even better therapist. You'll need to deal with the layers of grief and loss associated with your divorce. Also, you want to begin the process of rebuilding yourself. Looking into somatic therapy techniques like IFS and EMDR. They can be real miracle workers. Psychologytoday.com has a directory of therapist and search filters with different therapy modalities like IFS and EMDR.

  4. Remember, Divorce is about money and the kids. This person is no longer your lover. It's real street fight. Use a password manager to change passwords to all accounts.

  5. Be proactive. If you think you can prove infidelity - document it . Even if you have to hire a private investigator. There are applications that can download all of your text history if you had a shared cellphone account. To that end, change ownership of your cell phone account ASAP.

  6. Financial disclosures can be painful. Just power through them they are primarily meant to intimidate and depress the higher earner. Block time during the week that is exclusively focus on it. The sooner you complete them, the sooner that phase of hazing will be done.

  7. Reconnect with your family and friends. You'll need them to just for social support. Join a sports league. Connection with other friends is more important now than ever.

Also be OK just laying in the bed and being depressed. It's a season you'll get through it.

  1. Be OK using dating apps just to connect and socialize with new woman. You have to begin to teach your brain that you're single again and it's OK to meet new people. To that end To that end don't rush take your time, don't rush take your time. Enjoy your freedom. Try not to rush into a another committed relationship.

  2. Invest in yourself. If you have hobbies turn those up. If you don't have any hobbies, find some. Pickleball can be a great way to meet new people and exercise. Join some clubs or meet ups.

  3. Never talk bad about your ex to your kids. Remember, they are 50% her. If you do that, they'll internalize that you're talking about some portion of them as well. It's one of the fastest way to create a divide between you and your kids.For example, if you call your ex a gold digger. The internalize that to think that they have those tendencies too.

To that end, hide your dislike/discussed of your spouse to your kids.

  1. If you can, avoid the court system, do so. It will be cheaper in the long run. Try mediation first! if you don't like the outcome, you don't have to sign the agreement. Tell her you'll pay for 100% of the mediation fee.

Stay balanced in what you negotiate for, think about what your long-term needs are and what you need over the next year to thrive.

Know what your boundaries, and the law, before you begin negotiating. Don't be afraid to entice them with lump sum of cash upfront.

Do not negotiate time with your kids for money!!!!

Finally - At the end of all of this. You'll have a chance to rebuild your life according to a new vision, a new path. And that's an exciting thing. Continue to invest in yourself, thrive and push that new vision for your life forward.