Divorce with slightly older children?

sludgepress · 2024-11-03T17:13:01+00:00

Just my personal experience, my wife and I decided to divorce after 20 years. We had a 14 year old son. As much as she and I didn’t care for one another at the moment, we literally sat him down and explained that mom and dad were going to separate. She and I calmly (I can’t stress that enough…. BE CALM) explained to him that we both loved and adored him and that the only change would be that we all wouldn’t live together all the time. At 14, he understood the concept but was still a bit upset. She and I maintained our composure and it seemed to transfer to him. 4 years later, my ex and I almost DESPISE one another, but we ALWAYS manage to smile and keep it together when it comes to our son. Now, this all depends on how your soon to be ex wife will react. If she loses her mind….. well….theres that. But if you can somehow make her understand that the kids are the priority, it works wonders. My son has turned out to be a Very well adjusted soon to be 18 year old man. Does great in school and is a great person. So if you and wife can pull it together for the kids…. It CAN work out.

Comfortable_Gas7190 · 2024-10-29T18:11:18+00:00

Might be different in your state, but be careful with a lag between filing and informing her. Dissolution petitions in many states (if not all) are public record. Divorce attorneys will often send marketing materials to the counterparty after the petition is filed.

juliaskig · 2024-10-29T15:42:25+00:00

I think it's important that you and your STBX spend some time strategizing before talking to the kids. I guess it depends on your ex. On a scale from 1-10 (10 being very reasonable) where is your ex? How much of a surprise will this be to her? Have you done counseling etc and done everything you can do to make it work? I think to have a good divorce you have to do the preliminary work. It's possible that, that is not possible, but don't spring things on people. Is your ex a good mother? If so, she is going to want to make this as painless as possible for your kids. It's possible that there is no way to make this work out, and you will have to deal with aftereffects for you kids. If this is the case, be there for them. Get a place near their home, so that they can visit when they need. DO NOT GET INVOLVED with another woman until things are settled with your kids. Try not to disrupt their lives too much, keep the same home, keep the same school etc.

MR-Ozmidnight · 2024-10-29T15:40:20+00:00

You did what you could. Whether it’s Christmas or just another day of the year, it’s going to hurt. Many people forget that children are perceptive; they can see and feel when things aren't right. It’s important to be there for them and to talk to a counsellor about how you can support them. Those who leave a marriage often overlook how it will affect their children. The impact can last a lifetime if not handled with care.

Make sure your children feel comfortable coming to you, knowing you won’t judge them. Be ready to help them work through their feelings when they seek your guidance.

This situation is challenging, especially since your children may have underlying issues that require ongoing support. I wish you the best of luck—just be there for them.

Moms_Sketti88 · 2024-10-29T15:01:32+00:00

My child has a cognitive learning disorder and ADHD as well. Stbx wife and I been sleeping apart for over a year. I have retained an attorney and document is almost reading to serve. My spouse doesn’t accept that divorce is coming, even though I have had hundreds of conversations with her that I’m through. I really don’t know if I should serve her before thanksgiving or after Christmas. I worry about the kid too.

Uuuuuii · 2024-10-29T14:55:03+00:00

My autistic son seems to be handling it very well. The others, not so much. About the same ages as yours. It’s difficult to know whether it’s teenage angst or if they actually hate my guts now. I wasn’t ready for it TBH. Now I understand how kids might grow to not speak with their father.

Title	Divorce with slightly older children?
Author	thefelchingblumpkin
Upvotes	7
Comments	6
Date	October 29, 2024 1:48 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1gev27s/divorce_with_slightly_older_children/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/divorce-with-slightly-older-children.1534060 https://theredarchive.com/post/1534060

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