Early stages

Nervous-Alfalfa8416 · 2025-12-18T13:02:28+00:00

It gets better, but slowly and absolutely non-linear. Separated 16 months, together 26 years, married 13.

First 9 months, I literally did not sleep more than a couple of hours a night. It was hellish. I was a complete wreck, desperately hanging onto hope. I wasn't delusional, she was giving clear signs of reconciliation.

Eventually gave up and went no contact apart from kids stuff. This helped a lot. Felt good throughout summer '25, really sleeping well and optimistic for the future.

Last month or two I've gone back a bit, sleep is not so good, and I find myself missing my old life a lot, maybe its the holidays.

Hang on in there, don't make the mistake I made and not let go. If she wants to go, let her, there is nothing you can do about it.

Aside from co-parenting, ignore her completely. It will help. Sorry for what you are going through, people who haven't gone through it haven't a clue how traumatic this is.

Eric_Shon_ · 2025-12-18T12:16:48+00:00

It gets better, then it gets worse, but then it gets better

nyxius1 · 2025-12-18T12:05:18+00:00

Been through the same as most of us on this sub. I'm 40+ and saw everything falling apart over a year ago, after being together for over 20yrs. Someone compared the emotions you'll go through with the course of waves. At the start they will be big and crash on you with high frequency, but over time, the frequency and size will decrease until it's just ripples. And I must say, it does feel somewhat like that. Give yourself time and space to heal and recover, rediscover yourself and embrace the peace you'll find...

Ok-Anything-3605 · 2025-12-18T11:45:09+00:00

I wish you the best. It’s ugly. It’s the hardest thing you’ll have to go through. Do the ‘grey rock’ strategy. 12 years together, 3 kids, and gave up in therapy when it was her time for accountability. Total narcissistic behavior and nothing you could have done. Their minds just flip. take care of yourself.

tonyway7293 · 2025-12-18T11:00:53+00:00

Together 10 years, no kids, it blew up in June. Both in our mid-30s. She moved out in July. Been in a silent home since. It has been rough. Still is.

Been hitting the gym, been on a few dates, focusing on work and the divorce process but it is the hardest thing I have ever been thru. Holiday season is rough too.

I made a post on this earlier the fact that women typically mentally check out months/years before the D word drops is cowardly and selfish. My wife was doing shady things and seeking male attention elsewhere leading up to this as well…. Affairs and shady behavior are almost always involved in these situations.

FirelineJake · 2025-12-18T10:25:19+00:00

Having someone you built a whole life with suddenly say they’ve checked out is a special kind of earthquake, and it makes total sense you feel completely alone right now. It does get better, but for a while it’s just about breathing, leaning on anyone you trust, and putting one foot in front of the other while your heart catches up.

shiv_tandavv · 2025-12-18T09:52:47+00:00

Hold your finances. Don't let her ruin you. Just behave as nothing happened. Only take care of children.

johnnyFuture42 · 2025-12-18T08:54:55+00:00

Man. You are me and I am you. Numbers all the same. Going on 8 months and it has been rough for me.

PurrpleCarrot42 · 2025-12-18T08:45:37+00:00

It WILL get better. But unfortunately it will get worse before it gets better.

Women check out way earlier than men and have the chance and the time to grieve the end of the relationship (IF there’s any grieving). For you the grieving begins now.

Educate yourself on divorce process, make sure you do everything you can to get 50/50 custody. Improve your relationship with the children. Also start improving or building relationships with your family, if you have any close by, with your men friends, with men going thru same in online communities, meetups etc. make your physical and mental/emotional health your number one priority.

They say it takes about a month for each year of the relationship to get through the grieving process - it’s tracking for me.

All the best.

Podonkeyfkr · 2025-12-18T08:31:13+00:00

Idk why, but they can't stand us speaking out our needs. Which usually means, there's someone else. Which usually means, it's been happening for awhile. They always get what they want, impulsively, without concern or consideration for the rest of the family.

5 years of your deprivation = 2 months of hers. But you'll never know until she blows up on you, after it's too late, cause they expect you to read their minds.

If I was you, I'd just play it cool and wait for her to slip up and quietly gather evidence. Stack your financial deck too, cause once it blows up and she's aware that you're aware, she'll get in fight AND flight mode, trying every trick in the book to make you the villain so her life won't collapse.

"You pushed me away. You ignored me. You don't call or text me enough. You don't know me anymore. You never do enough. You don't fulfill my needs!" Etc, etc, etc.

It will get better. After you're no longer responsible for her chaos and free. Let someone else deal with her. Just focus on the kids and you're well being. That's the bright future.

Upstairs-Pizza-1843 · 2025-12-19T23:34:26+00:00

Your superpower is to become indifferent to a woman's affections. It's the best feeling in the world.

Title	Early stages
Author	PhilosophyIcy1337
Upvotes	17
Comments	12
Date	December 18, 2025 8:13 AM UTC (7 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1ppljlo/early_stages/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/early-stages.1569127 https://theredarchive.com/post/1569127

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