False Domestic Abuse Allegations

WartimeDad · 2021-04-07T19:26:22+00:00

You need to document every single interaction you have with her. Record every interaction.

Hit record, present to her the reasonable requests you’re making (split all car payments and mortgage until finalized), and get her response on a recording. If she agreed with you on something tell her that you would like to get that in writing and signed in front of a notary.

If you can get her on a recording saying that she is going to claim domestic abuse, that will help you when she ultimately does that. She probably will do that.

Document every single interaction.

vector5633 · 2021-04-07T19:59:04+00:00

RECORD EVERYTHING!!!!!!

Be careful with the "The Silver Bullet!!!!" Aka Temporary Order of Protection. If she's talking to an attorney now. They may be brewing up something like this in the background. I don't know what State you're in. But in my State, ZERO proof is needed for a Judge to issue one.

Unfortunately, they are common and people abuse them to get the upper hand in a divorce. The courts hands them out like hot cakes.

Moving forward expect the worse from her. The VERY worse! There's a saying, "You don't know who you married until you go through a divorce."

Get a lawyer asap!!! Make sure you look at reviews before you retain one.

Mavik52 · 2021-04-07T21:05:34+00:00

If you do not have a good voice recorder then stop whatever you are doing and go get one now. Don't skimp, spend $80-$100 bucks and never be in her presence without it on. I had the same situation. Reported the physical attacks just as my attorney instructed. My word against hers, they wouldn't even take the kids testimony because they were minors even with them saying they saw the whole thing. She went on the offensive and called because I threw a solar garden light into the backyard. Domestic Disorderly. The charge is basically nothing because it's not a domestic violence charge, but the damage was done. Marched out in handcuffs in front of my kids, spent a night in jail and was told I could never return to my home, automatic no contact order.

Your situation needs to be taken as seriously as possible. The bias against men is real. She only needs to pick up the phone and say that you raising your voice scares her and that's all they need. Get the recorder, get an attorney, and if you are smart just confine yourself to another part of the house and go no contact. This part of the process is heavily stacked in the woman's favor, be smart and eliminate all risk. And drill into your head that no one who cared even slightly for you would ever threaten you with something like this, and you would never tolerate this from a stranger or ignore the threat. The woman you married is gone. Assume she is an enemy, because she is.

throwingit_all_away · 2021-04-07T19:51:53+00:00

If there was domestic violence, there would be a police report. If there is not a police report, then it is just one's word against the other. Stop playing with her. Get the divorce done. Write up what you've put here as far as financials, split cost of house sales profit, sign over car and she has to pay for it.

In fact, I would write it up so that her half of the mortgage from now to sale come out of the sales proceeds and that she has to also pay off the car from those proceeds within 30 days of the closing from the home. This covers you from being screwed with mortgage payments and more importantly from her defaulting on your car loan. Bonus, your credit gets the payoff on the car.

One thing I learned in my divorce was a nifty little legality about contract law. If you draw up a contract, similar to a mediation agreement, and it is signed by both parties, you have accepted the entirety of the agreement. You do not get to pick and choose post signature on what is enforced. When you go to mediation, stand your ground and do not feel you must compromise. These here, these options I have laid on the table, ARE my compromise. "I am not willing to move from this position" is not what a mediator wants to hear, but who cares what someone who will be involved in your life for a whole 8 hours thinks. As long as your financial dissolution plan is reasonable, stick on it. Find other areas to compromise, if necessary. Then, get it in writing and have a judge sign it and make it an ORDER that must be followed. Judges want equitable distribution. Not equal, equitable. Your plan does sound reasonable. She does not have to take the car, but if she wants it, here are the terms. She does not have to pay anything further on the mortgage, it will be deducted from her end at the closing table. If you are both on the deed or mortgage have it written that within 10 days of the divorce she will execute a quit claim deed and sign away her rights to the property. You can also have it entered the timeline that you will have the house listed by specifying real estate broker for sale at an asking price no lower than $x and that you will sell for best market value.

Don't engage on any other topic. You are no longer a couple that needs to work out anything. You are dissolving a contract. That is all. Save those notes and what not. Just in case.

Also, consider the Stop Fucking Talking To Me (tm) method. Communicate only and I mean ONLY by email.

dday_throwaway3 · 2021-04-07T21:03:43+00:00

Here's how to protect yourself against false DV: https://forum.mensdivorce.com/viewtopic.php?f=14&t=80375

vector5633 · 2021-04-08T03:15:38+00:00

Lesson learned.....NEVER MARRY!!!!!!

The risk is way to great for us men.

No_more_BPD_2020 · 2021-04-07T21:17:04+00:00

Someone on here said it better than me, most divorces start out amicably, and wind up at loggerheads.

There is real money involved, and possible arrest. A lawyer can help you navigate this and protect your interests. Not gonna lie, it really sounds like you're in the middle of it right now. It sucks to pay them, but having a lawyer advise me how to protect myself really helped my anxiety and fear.

Good luck!

SpacemanLost · 2021-04-08T05:45:58+00:00

She's is well aware that she can drop a nuke on you with a false DV claim. You need to treat her as a threat to your life at all times.

Read this: http://www.realworlddivorce.com/DomesticViolence

And realize that she may have friends, a lawyer, or even family telling her she can get more from you faster by pulling a false claim.

Record EVERYTHING. including phone calls (put them on speaker and whip out the recorder). And sadly, as I heard my divorce attorney first hand, even that isn't enough to keep you out of jail if she succeeds, it'll just help you recover a bit quicker.

You say you are no longer in the same space as her? If she suddenly shows up at your doorstep, do NOT let her in.

She's in fleece you mode. If she wants the car, she can get a loan from the bank in her name and buy it from you.

Record every missed payment, have your lawyer add that to the balance owed against her house proceeds.

Insist all communication go through your lawyer. Don't answer her calls.

ElliotMarriott · 2021-04-08T04:06:31+00:00

Do you have a lawyer?

Get a lawyer if you do not have one

I got screwed hard with false accusations lost it all $1500000 settlement, only get to see kid 2 times a week.

It took me 7 months to clear my name. There was zero evidence no doctors records, hospital etc. The only thing i admitted to was verbal abuse as we were in very toxic marriage

Record everything on your phone

Do not leave the house.

Effect_Pure · 2021-05-18T04:17:52+00:00

Get an order of protection immediately!!!! Sometimes you can petition the court so that you're not penalized for abandonment if you move out for your own safety. Put recording devices and cameras up all around the house. Try to hide them.

If she calls, and you get a weak cop, incompetent DV investigator, or female prosecutor, its OVER for you!!! She doesn't even have to have any injuries, just an allegation.

Title	False Domestic Abuse Allegations
Author	UniqueNameWithAPun
Upvotes	8
Comments	27
Date	April 7, 2021 7:01 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/mm9anr/false_domestic_abuse_allegations/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/false-domestic-abuse-allegations.817256 https://theredarchive.com/post/817256

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